Caught boyfriend leaving hearts under other woman’s Instagram photo

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for a month. We both follow each other on Instagram. One day I came across a photo of a girl in lingerie on his friends list. I click on this photo and I see that my boyfriend has left a heart under the picture. This photo is old.. from two years ago. Yet his comment was brand new only left a few hours ago. I was very upset. I confronted my boyfriend about this and he says it’s something he’s always done. He agrees that I have a right to be upset and he understands my feelings and he’s sorry. Okay. So I accept his apology, he’s left hearts on other girls photo even before we were in a relationship. However this still rubs me the wrong way. I’m thinking, is he sorry he got caught? Like what were his intentions of leaving a heart and leaving multiple likes on her pics. Suppose the girl sent him a dm. Then where would we be? I’m considering breaking up with my boyfriend. I’ve had a terrible track run with men in the past who’ve betrayed me and I honestly can’t go through it again. What do you think I should do?

Have you agreed to be exclusive in this month?

Yes we have been boyfriend and girlfriend for this month. He’s introduced me several times as his girlfriend to his friends, they know all about me. I’ve done the same

Is he sorry? I would say, probably not. He enjoys looking at this woman. He's probably sorry that he got caught.

Some women would accept his behavior and not find it a big deal seeing as it's only a picture. Other women would not be okay with it and would move on to another guy who isn't so forward about leering at women.

It really comes down to what your preferences are and what you're okay and not okay with.

I’m more concerned with him leaving the heart. It’s like he wanted her to know he finds her attractive. For what exactly? Is this pre cheating behavior? What if she found him attractive too.

A like doesn’t bother me as much as the heart comment. It’s virtual flirting to me. I’m having a really hard time getting over it.

How long have you actually known him, OP?

Two months.

Ideally there shouldn’t be any drama in the first month. I would let this fish go. I would really slow the roll though about how fast you become entangled with someone.

Virtual flirting, yes...it does sound like it.

It's up to you whether you want this type of man or not. I will tell you from my experience, this type of behavior only gets worse over time. You and he are still in the honeymoon stage and if he has eyes for other women right now, that's not a good sign.

Thanks, I decided I’m going to break up with him. Clearly he still has the eyes for other woman and honestly I can’t take another heart break.

I just hope I’m not being overly dramatic. But at the same time seeing your guy posts hearts on another girls photo is not a good look. I’d rather be single. Hey at least I tried

I suggest slowing down next time.

Don't be so anxious to get a boyfriend that you commit yourself to someone you've only known for a month. No way can you get a good gauge on a man's character in a little over 4 weeks.

I’m more concerned with him leaving the heart. It’s like he wanted her to know he finds her attractive. For what exactly? Is this pre cheating behavior? What if she found him attractive too.

I can't say I wouldn't find it juvenile, but it is common enough practice in this age where the softcore porn scene has kinda been commandeered by social media (especially Instagram) and other otherwise interactive media. A whole bunch of people leave "100," wide eye, fire, and heart emojis. I would sometimes go to a pic a friend liked specifically to go down the comment section. They're often comedy gold. Once saw some guy comment, "ur ass is fine as wine... ass wine."

So yeah, I could see it a loss of respect thing imagining him sitting down and scrolling through lingerie pics and leaving emojis. And if that's a boundary you want to set for yourself, that's plenty fair. But he knows he's not going to get the time of day with an Instagram model simply for leaving a heart emoji. She definitely knows he's not. You should know he's not. I wouldn't call it some scheme or even a dangerous step. Just cringy behavior. In any case, if it's a deal breaker, leave him.

And just to echo the rest, slow down in the future.

Not to minimize your concerns, but apparently you barely know him after a period of one month dating. I think you're jumping the gun as to judging him which at this point is too soon, (imo).

Of course it's your call, but I'd give this more time and more thought before calling the shots. JMO, and I'm sure many will disagree.

It was a girl on his friends list that he left the heart emoji under, not some random Instagram model.

The thing that would make me end it, you two have only started dating. He should be over the moon with his eyes only for you, feeling like he's found someone great.

That feeling should last at least the first year. That's basically what the honeymoon stage is all about.

This guy's not even a month into it and is drooling over another girl. That's just crass.

I told him I wanted to end things with him. He didn’t even put up a fight for me. Ok I guess I made the right choice

I would have done that in person for personal integrity.

I just hope I’m not being overly dramatic. But at the same time seeing your guy posts hearts on another girls photo is not a good look. I’d rather be single. Hey at least I tried

I think you're being both a bit dramatic and totally reasonable. To explain:

The "dramatic" part is feeling like this is something to "confront," or something you "caught" him doing, and spinning a narrative in which a heart emoji leads to a DM with an IG lingerie thirst trap that leads to an affair. Not happening, unless your boyfriend is, I don't know, Justin Bieber.

The "reasonable" part is not wanting to be in a committed relationship with a grown man who acts like teenager. Because that's all this is, a dude whose social media activity mirrors a juvenile nature. It's kind of the difference between a guy who notices a hot woman on the street—i.e. all guys, just like all women will notice a devilishly handsome man—and a guy who who needs to go "Whoa! You are SO HOT!" and see what kind of reaction he can stir. Yawn.

Just because she is on his friends list does not mean they are friends. Her profile is public—you found it—so I could easily add her to my friends list if, you know, I wanted my IG feed to be filled with T&A. I could heart that photo right now, no? But I don't feel like it, and that has nothing to do with the fact that I have a girlfriend. I like T&A just fine—I am a human—but it's not a consuming hobby. You won't find it on my social feed, even at my most single.

Plenty of people, men and women, do have such feeds, such hobbies: sweaty abs, sweaty butts. It's a thing, and all in all I think you can roughly imagine who has such feeds without even seeing their actual feeds. People follow celebrities as well, leave hearts on their feeds. They don't know the celebrities, but leaving the heart makes them feel momentarily connected to them, a sweet little illusion that goes down like Skittle.

This is that, high school stuff.

In your shoes? I'd be annoyingly amused. I don't measure my girlfriend too much by her IG usage, but I do relate to it, find vague comfort in it. It's heavy on things that interest me too. If I'd "caught" her leaving hearts on two year old photos of sweaty dudes a month into things—well, I think I'd have just lost a fair bit of attraction to her since part of what I find attractive about people is imagining how they spend their time and energy when they're not spending it on me.

So I'd look at it more through that lens: Is this too cringy for you? If so, all good. That's what the early days are all about, seeing if someone makes us feel like smile emoji or a cringe emoji.

Serious question, but are you a boomer?

 

I can't say I wouldn't find it juvenile, but it is common enough practice in this age where the softcore porn scene has kinda been commandeered by social media (especially Instagram) and other otherwise interactive media. A whole bunch of people leave "100," wide eye, fire, and heart emojis. I would sometimes go to a pic a friend liked specifically to go down the comment section. They're often comedy gold. Once saw some guy comment, "ur ass is fine as wine... ass wine."

 

So yeah, I could see it a loss of respect thing imagining him sitting down and scrolling through lingerie pics and leaving emojis. And if that's a boundary you want to set for yourself, that's plenty fair. But he knows he's not going to get the time of day with an Instagram model simply for leaving a heart emoji. She definitely knows he's not. You should know he's not. I wouldn't call it some scheme or even a dangerous step. Just cringy behavior. In any case, if it's a deal breaker, leave him.

 

And just to echo the rest, slow down in the future.

I agree.

This guy is getting all the heat while your own trust issues, that have nothing to do with him are being ignored.

He’s essentially being punished for others past sins. Did he get to say anything about your snooping? Let’s be honest Instagram likes dont just pop up in your feed like ‘hey your boyfriend liked this, this week’ you looked for the information, you looked for it, you ‘found it’ self fulfilling prophesy.

Is he guilty is he innocent, who am I to say, but basing your relationship on Instagram likes past the age of 16? I wouldn’t want to be with you, clearly this will simply follow you from relationship to relationship.

It wasn’t just a like it was also a heart comment.

Who cares how I found out, if he didn’t do it then there’s be nothing to find out

The likes I personally don’t care about. But a comment is like a call for attention.

Is this something you plan to do in all your future relationships? Search for bad behavior because you don't trust?