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Thread: Marriage only lasted 12 months

  1. #1
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    Marriage only lasted 12 months

    Hi everyone, I'm new on here. I need some advice please.

    I got married just over 12 months ago.
    Everything was going fine...until a couple months after on boxing night, our first xmas we went out had a few drinks, and after one too many came home. Then he strangled me....family intervened and I threw him out! Next day he rang couldn't remember a thing, said hes sorrys,
    I couldn't believe what he had done and likewise he also said the same. I contacted his mother and she was mortified. His mother suffers with her mental health and didnt take it very well!!! Anyway fast forward to new year and I have only found out that he dolled up and went out!!! Then new years day his mother takes an overdose and is critical. I get a phone call from him saying if she dies he will kill me!!! and that it's my fault ext. Anyway she became stable and a couple weeks after we made up. Things were going fine again. Fast forward a couple of months and I got sick with my kidney In hospital had to go for an operation...next day in the evening I'm in hospital still and decide to call him, he then ignores my calls, until he answered unknowingly and I can hear music in the background!!! Any way I try again and he answers! Hes answer was he had left the phone in the car!!! I went nuts!!! He told me his conversation was more important!!! Ok now I'm back home a couple days when he wont answer his phone again! he had gone for a couple hours but said he would only be half hour! When he came home he told me it was none of my buisness!! Fast forward a couple of weeks I'm in hospital again. The next morning I find out he didnt come home till 6 in the morning!! Anyway fast forward a couple of months, and he gets into a big fight with my landlord I know for 32 yrs!! because of money! My landlord did do him wrong along with someone else, anyway landlord kicks him out of our place! So he gets a place somewhere else and we move. I was starting to get depressed in this new place. Anyway we got into a few arguments and I left a couple of times, but ending back with him. Then one day he goes to watch football had a few then continued drinking through till ten o'clock that night. He was in such a state but ended up kicking the living daylights out of me!! I thought he was gona take my life...stood on my head and punched me repeatedly! Kicked my knee out of place and tore all the tendons and ligaments and said to me slurring that he didnt know what he was doing with me anyway cause he had women crawling all over him and did I feel worthless. Next day blamed me said I should have just left him alone and that he was spiked!! So with the state my face was in and limping I didnt want my family to see. I waited until I recovered and I left. A week goes by and before I know it my landlord is violently threatend by men he sent. So I had the landlords family on my case they cornered me and demanded his mothers number and address!! I give them I was in a state of shock and didnt know what to do. His mother got a phone call and bad things were said to her and he has blamed me and said he will never forgive me as I know his mother has mental health and I sold him out!! And that his mother is his everything as he told me before shes number 1!! The battle between him and my landlord is still ongoing..in this process...he has cut all contact and told me that it's over and move on it's never going to work...find out hes drinking and partying ever since..then has the cheek to text me to say hope I'm doing ok!!! And the mother is on the phone telling me dont give up on our marriage while hes having the time of Larry and has turned my life upside down. I've lost my home because of him and friendships.. thrun to the ways of the world..and hes living it up like we never even existed!!!! Its brocken me and hurt me so bad!!! I was 8 years older than him hes 28 I'm 35 my dream of being a good wife and having a family of which I was,I cooked , cleaned, washed, and it was never good enough, along with him being first man I ever been with. I feel so hurt. He could be nice and good, but the bad just outweighed it. I've tried everything to make it work after all this, and he even one time pulled my hair while I was driving and would always call for my brothers, and told me he didnt care for no-one. I feel so hurt he has blamed me for everything!! I feel bad for giving his mothers number and address and the things that was said to her but he caused it..I feel like my heart has been ripped out....and this was all just over 12 months...sad I'm just devastated I thought I had found the man of my dreams and only man I'd ever been with and it was gona last a lifetime....and this is just minor detail. I think I'm off men for life after this experience with him he would tell me every day how much he loved me and he didnt think hed find someone like me...he would send me pictures when we were good of our wedding day saying to me I love you and will mind you and protect you until the day I die...but hes put me through horrible heartless stages in our marriage and I've still forgave him for everything...

    All I ever really done was shout at him when hed puss me of with his stupidity and put him going on a few occasions..and I did hit him back once when he hit with his boot on top of the head for saying that I understood why his mother suffers with mental health because of you!!! He went made and said how dare you talk about

    Hes only popped up today and said I'm thinking of you hope your ok and please dont hate me I've done bad things and made wrong decisions and sorry for the way things ended and his life is messed up !!! I love you and always will be here for ya!! He done all the damage ed me off left me to the ways of the world and says it's over then messages me this!!! Why wont he just leave me alone...

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Get a restraining order IMMEDIATELY and run like hell. This guy will kill you.

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    I second the Restraining order!

    Iím sorry youíve endured such pain and trauma! I think youíll need counseling to get over what he has put you through.

    Stay strong, donít take him back.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    ! So with the state my face was in and limping I didnt want my family to see.
    Have you gone home to your family now?

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear what you are going through, be strong.
    agree on restraining order, talk to your family and move out now.
    Never go back to him or take him back, he is dangerous and you need to protect yourself.
    later work on rebuilding your life, discuss with family.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Was this an arranged marriage? How well did you know him when you got married? Stay with family. Get a restraining order. Why didn't you tell the doctors about this when you were hospitalized? Sever all ties.
    Originally Posted by Ivy21
    he gets into a big fight with my landlord I know for 32 yrs. I was 8 years older than him hes 28 I'm 35 my dream of being a good wife and having a family of which I was,I cooked , cleaned, washed, and it was never good enough, along with him being first man I ever been with.

  8. #7
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    Hi guys, no this wasnt a arranged marriage.
    I was with him 2years. He was so lovely inbetween our arguments he would do what ever around the home anything I asked always be perfect..until he go out, and drink and take drugs I think there was a fee.times he came home in a good spirit and would be the loveliest person In the world. I'm so confused with all that's happend and his behaviour, because he would never stop me doing anything I wanted.
    And he was never controlling and would always pay the Bill's he never expected me.to any of that and shopping ext pay for holidays.. It was only when he was drunk...his good side was really good... I'm just shattered from it all. And the love I had for him and still have is consuming me I k ow it's not right but is it im messed up too to want to long for him and feel that my world has been crushed..I'm on medication because I'm waking up from my sleep crying..I'm constantly crying my heart feels like it could actually stop it hurting so much..

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sadly you are in an abusive relationship/marriage. Someone who puts you in the hospital with injuries does not have a 'good side". That is an act to keep you around as a slave and punching bag. It was always abusive you just refused to see it. You need to leave and file for divorce.

    Be prepared for more violence and being beaten up even more or perhaps one day he'll kill you. That's the way this goes. It get worse not better. Each time you stay and forgive him he will get worse and worse because you give him more and more permission to beat you up. Don't you have friends or family you can go to or who will help you?
    Originally Posted by Ivy21
    He was so lovely inbetween our arguments
    always be perfect..until he go out, and drink and take drugs
    It was only when he was drunk..
    I'm on medication because

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ivy21
    Hi guys, no this wasnt a arranged marriage.
    I was with him 2years. He was so lovely inbetween our arguments he would do what ever around the home anything I asked always be perfect..until he go out, and drink and take drugs I think there was a fee.times he came home in a good spirit and would be the loveliest person In the world. I'm so confused with all that's happend and his behaviour, because he would never stop me doing anything I wanted.
    And he was never controlling and would always pay the Bill's he never expected me.to any of that and shopping ext pay for holidays.. It was only when he was drunk...his good side was really good... I'm just shattered from it all. And the love I had for him and still have is consuming me I k ow it's not right but is it im messed up too to want to long for him and feel that my world has been crushed..I'm on medication because I'm waking up from my sleep crying..I'm constantly crying my heart feels like it could actually stop it hurting so much..
    Look up cycle of abuse he meets the classic criteria.

  11. #10
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    I have my dad he had a brain hemorrhage tho I'm currently with him. I haven't told him the full extent of his actions. He has asked has he hit me but I dont want to tell him because hes been through to much already. Bless him.
    I dont cry in front of him either..
    Thank you all for your replys I really appreciate it God bless you all xx
    I do want to say that hes excuse for it was that I argued all the time and it was a build up and hes a mess..i did argue but not all the time as he seen it..and do you guys think I did wrong by giving his mothers address as I feel terrible for this..cause bad things were said to her but she has forgiven me for that..

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