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Thread: Debating Leaving a 6-year Relationship

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by PlatinumSad
    I'm between jobs to transition into a different career right now, so I can't pack my bags and run off whenever I want right now. But I think that it might be best that I do once I'm settled into a new job. And spend some time remembering what it's like to have control over my own life and get my self-esteem back. But I'm also very scared since it feels late in my life (almost 3
    The very act of leaving - when you think you don't have it in you - is where self esteem starts from.
    Not waiting 8 months from now when you think you will be stronger. You will be 8 months more beaten down.

    You don't wait to get self esteem. You don't wait for it to show up. You make challenging choices and act on them. The reward for having done so is what builds self esteem.

    You don't get muscles by planning on it. You get muscles by actually lifting the weights, even when they feel too heavy.

    I can relate to your situation. It get it's difficult to face something this challenging when you feel you are at your lowest.

    I was a lost soul, an unemployed stay at home mom with two small children. But I put myself into therapy and started to put one foot in front of the other and even though I started out spineless and scared out of mind, I feel liberated with each difficult decision I had to make. Self esteem was my reward for having done so.

    I feel like I need to leave my angry, controlling boyfriend the second I'm able to and spend time repairing myself.

    You begin the process of repairing yourself by saying no to abuse and leaving. Not the other way around.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 02-07-2020 at 04:38 PM.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by PlatinumSad
    Thank you everyone for your responses. I agree that it seems like I went from one abusive situation to the next. The abusive tendencies he has came on slowly after a few years of being together, and it seemed to go over my head until I was in the thick of it. I'd thought that after fleeing my parents' home and cutting ties with my mother I'd be able to tell if someone else was abusive and leave immediately. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

    I've told him plainly many times before that his behavior is abusive and he accuses me of being dramatic or tries to tell me that it's my fault somehow. It breaks my heart that he can't see anything wrong with these behaviors to improve on them. Maybe me making the decision to leave will be the wake up call he needs to turn things around before he's hurtful to anyone else. But I won't stick around and wait for him to decide to change. My trust has already been broken, so it seems moot to stay even if he miraculously changed overnight.

    I'm currently talking through things with my grandma since she's gone through the same thing a couple times around. I want to make a plan that I can carry out and do it smart without jumping the gun. I intend to stick to my guns and leave, but it might be as long as 6-8 months out. I'll definitely post an update once I get there. Thanks, everyone. :)
    Do you have any friends you stay with? 8 months is a long time.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You may not have six to eight months, particularly if he gets wind of your plan to leave him.

    Get some kind of job so you can be out in six to eight weeks instead. You can develop your career after you're safely out.

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