Trying to understand masturbation better

I have recently been trying to come to terms with, and accept, that masturbation is normal in a relationship. Whenever I would hear my partner masturbating in the shower I would get upset. I realised (after internet research) that it was normal and even good for the relationship in some ways. So even though it still makes me feel uncomfortable when I hear it, I'm slowly starting to get used to it. I masturbate too, but I have a much higher libido than my partner.

However, something that kicked me off the understanding band wagon happened this morning. My partner and I had just finished having sex (good, satisfying sex) and he orgasmed. He got up and had breakfast, and within 20 mins of us having had sex, he was masturbating in the shower again. This is not usual behaviour, hence my confusion. I just was curious as to why he would feel the need to do that so soon after sex? Help me understand the possible reasons. I would talk to him about it but he would deny it so theres no point :)

I'm not angry that he did it, I accept it.. but just confused and feeling a little weird like I wasnt enough or something.

What do you mean you can hear him masturbating? How loud is he to be heard outside the bathroom and over the sound of the water?

I ask because I wonder if that's actually what you are hearing, or if you're arriving at an erroneous conclusion because you're sensitive on the topic.

I too am wondering how you know he is having a sly fap, or not so sly in this case.

Is he crying out in pleasure, or is it just the general sound of what you are taking as fapping?

I can hear the fapping (sorry I hate that word) and heavy breathing. Plus he always takes a lot longer in the shower. We live in a small space so it's hard not to hear.. I'm not sat outside the door listening or anything weird :)

You can hear heavy breathing coming from the shower when you're in another room?

I'm sorry, but I think your mind is playing tricks on you. Unless you have super-human ears, I don't see how it's physically possible for you to hear breathing above the noise of the water if you're not listening right outside the door.

We live in a small cabin which is all one room, and the bathroom is the only separate room that has a thin fabric door on it. If you're stood in the kitchen you're right next to the door for example.

I know I sound like some crazy girlfriend, who's like the masturbatory police or something. That isnt the case at all, I've accepted that it happens and I'm fine with it, I was just wondering why it would be needed just after sex.. just to further get my head around it, although I'm kind of regretting posting on here now xD

Why don't you have some music or tv whatever playing. This sound like there is no privacy and that is bad for any relationship. It seems that you feel threatened and as though you are not sexy/attractive enough. Have you thought of taking a shower together?

Whenever I would hear my partner masturbating in the shower I would get upset.

He may have a higher libido as well and therefore decides to maturbate after sex.

You are correct, there is nothing wrong with it at all. They only time it becomes a problem, is if he is mastrubating to the point of it affecting his life in general (not going to work, or masturbating many times a day, everyday and not wanting to do much of anything else, etc). Or if your sex life is affected where he does not want sex anymore but would rather masturbate.

If those things aren't happening, then all it means is that he has a higher libido too.

I personally wouldn't start seeing this as a problem if I were you. I would start being more concerned if he was going out for long periods of time while texting another woman and lying etc.

Then he is actually cheating.

But if he is relieving himself in his own house and you're both still having great sex, then nothing to be concerned about.

Try to view it more like him dealing with another body function, similar to using the bathroom and not something personal to you or detrimental to your relationship.

I'm assuming you're both younger? If so, yes, this is normal and it's nothing to be worried/concerned about.

His libido will start to decrease as he ages. Thus, his need for masturbation will become less.

Sometimes men will masturbate too if they are too tired to have sex, or just want to relieve themselves quickly with little effort. It's again nothing personal against their partner and it won't affect your relationship, or at last shouldn't.

Yes, I usually do have the tv on but was still in bed at this point. We are currently house hunting as we are aware we need more space and privacy. We have a good relationship, and love each other very much. I was just a bit confused this morning.

Yes these are all points I've come to understand. I used to be in a relationship where we never had sex and my ex just masturbated himself silly. I shook off past experiences and concerns for this relationship and learned to accept it as normal and good for the relationship even. Everyone pretty much does it, so I'm not holding it against him. I was just surprised it was straight after sex is all. I'm guessing he still felt a bit horny, or just wanted a different type of release.. which is fine too :)

I think when we get a house and more space it'll be better. Thanks for the advice.

Try not to worry, it'll be okay. As long as you are both having sex and it's satisfying, and he's not going crazy with the masturbation, then it's okay.

Like I said, it's just more of a release, not much unlike taking a wee before or after a shower. There isn't much more to it than that.

And him having sex with you is much different. That's about connection, sharing emotions, being physically close, and so much more. Masturbation is literally just a release, nothing more.

Thank you, it's good to think of it that way. Your replies have been helpful :) xx

No worries. You sound like you've got a decent relationship. Try to enjoy it and do your best to not worry.

I used to do the same thing (I'm female). It's because I was still turned on thinking about the fantastic sex we'd just had. He had left to go to his shop so I couldn't roll over and ask for more lol.

For me it meant even the mere thought of him turned me on. Maybe it's the same for your boyfriend.

It's nice to think that could be the case, that he was still turned on by the sex we just had. It was pretty damn good :)

I just had a mental wobble when I posted this thread I think. But all of these last few replies are good fuel for the understanding fire haha

Well....why do you masturbate? When you do, is that the kinds of thoughts running through your head - that you have to do this because he is not enough man for you, not good enough, not sexy enough, you don't really like him, you don't find him attractive, etc, etc, etc.

I'm guessing not at all. You are doing it simply because you are horny and it's just a quick satisfying release that's quite different from having sex. Not a lot of thinking going into that now is there? Same thing for guys. Not a lot of thinking involved or effort. That's kind of the beauty of that v sex. Both have their place in a relationship.

Well....why do you masturbate? When you do, is that the kinds of thoughts running through your head - that you have to do this because he is not enough man for you, not good enough, not sexy enough, you don't really like him, you don't find him attractive, etc, etc, etc.

 

I'm guessing not at all. You are doing it simply because you are horny and it's just a quick satisfying release that's quite different from having sex. Not a lot of thinking going into that now is there? Same thing for guys. Not a lot of thinking involved or effort. That's kind of the beauty of that v sex. Both have their place in a relationship.

Bingo.

Don’t let your past demons dictate this relationship.

And for the love of God, turn on some music or something 😂

Woody Allen once said (for the record I think he's a total creep and I don't respect or admire him at all as person) but I do think he's a great artist and I think he made a great quote when he said, "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love". I think that pretty well sums it up.

Haha, love the full on explanation of why you don't like him.

I would be more pissed of that he is sharing his sh1t all over the shower ..ewww ..please .

I would sit him in a sheep dip and tell him to crack on .

If he really is doing it in the shower that might be the most private place for him to do it at the time and, like others said, he may just still be horny.

I also have a higher libido than my partner from what I can tell. I'm not sure how often he masturbates but I've never heard him. I masturbate fairly often but it's easier for me to do that in the next room if we're not having sex. I have occasionally done it right after good sex too while he was in the bathroom because I haven't been able to get off during sex before so sometimes after sex I'll still feel horny and have to get off. It definitely doesn't mean the sex wasn't good. I love sex way more than masturbating because of the intimacy and pretty much just everything about it. lol.

I think if my partner was masturbating near me and we hadn't had sex and he knew I was in the mood that would be different and frustrating but if we just had great sex and he already got off and he was just still horny after I'd think that was kinda hot.

I would be more pissed of that he is sharing his sh1t all over the shower ..ewww ..please .

 

I would sit him in a sheep dip and tell him to crack on .

I just died laughing 😂

Whenever I would hear my partner masturbating in the shower I would get upset.

He got up and had breakfast, and within 20 mins of us having had sex, he was masturbating in the shower again.

How is it you are spying on him so intensely that you know that he masturbated in the shower after breakfast when I assume you are busy elsewhere?

Why do you care when or how much he masturbates? He is still having sex with you and hasn't substituted his private time to the point you're not on his sexual radar anymore.

Leave him alone because as you say, you've come to realize its normal. Now you just have to realize that his private time is just that and that it's no reflection on you or your bedroom skills.

How does one "hear someone masturbating" while they are in the shower? Is he a moaning and a groaning his way to victory?

LOL! Sorry, this gave me a chuckle.