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Thread: Confused

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like after breaking up because "your emotions stress him out", that he is ok from a distance and doesn't want to hurt you because he realizes how fragile you are. However be clear that he wanted to end things and distance himself.

    Liking, following etc is his way of backing out slowly. It's called the slow fade. Post whatever you wish, it's your social media. However prepare yourself by opening up your life to others and trying to make new friends and meet new people.
    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    We broke up a couple days ago but I've posted stuff on Instagram. I posted a painting I did on both pages and he liked both.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds like after breaking up because "your emotions stress him out", that he is ok from a distance and doesn't want to hurt you because he realizes how fragile you are. However be clear that he wanted to end things and distance himself.

    Liking, following etc is his way of backing out slowly. It's called the slow fade. Post whatever you wish, it's your social media. However prepare yourself by opening up your life to others and trying to make new friends and meet new people.
    Yeah, he just messaged me saying " Hey, i hope your doing well and that you have a good night and just wanted to let you know i got a job at foster farms sanitation so theres that, i miss you tons and again hope your doing well also i hope you have a great weekend ❤💕❤"

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    Yeah, he just messaged me saying " Hey, i hope your doing well and that you have a good night and just wanted to let you know i got a job at foster farms sanitation so theres that, i miss you tons and again hope your doing well also i hope you have a great weekend ❤💕❤"
    Then nows your chance to ignore and if he says anything like "are you going to ignore me" then you can send him one last message saying "Well, unless you're asking to reconcile, I see no reason to reply" and then just fade again.
    Neither of you are focused on getting healthier mentally or emotionally when you're sending and receiving selfish crap like that that keeps you mired in limbo to one another.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Then nows your chance to ignore and if he says anything like "are you going to ignore me" then you can send him one last message saying "Well, unless you're asking to reconcile, I see no reason to reply" and then just fade again.
    Neither of you are focused on getting healthier mentally or emotionally when you're sending and receiving selfish crap like that that keeps you mired in limbo to one another.
    I've just been ignoring him because i want at least a whole month of no contact. He has been the one liking my stuff and messaged me last night about his update. Why would he even update me when it was his idea to take a break and then come back together? He isn't a manipulator and never made me feel small about anything so maybe he is just hoping that I would be happy for him? I'm not sure on this one

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    Why would he even update me when it was his idea to take a break and then come back together?
    I think it's always easiest, if less exciting, to go with the simple explanations to such questions. As in: he updated you because he felt like updating you. Same reason he looks at your stuff on social media, likes some of it. Same reason you're wondering about what all that means, communicating with him indirectly by communicating about him, to us.

    It's what he feels like doing—no different, really, than why I like my girlfriend's stuff on there or did the dishes a few minutes ago. Just felt like it.

    Deeper analysis? Well, you are both still choosing to stay in limbo, to not quite do the thing you both seem to think you should be doing. Happens. Habits—they're hard to break. I've got a part of my brain, right this second, that thinks I should go for a hike, be hiking. Alas, I'm sitting at my dining table buzzing around ENA instead: it's a habit of mine. Odds are, knowing me, that I'll leave the chair pretty soon, since I know a hike is in my best interest.

    One of you, at some point, will start making choices that are more in line with your best interests. The likes will stop, as will the updates. Or you'll delicately let him know you'd like for them to stop. Or, well, you'll stay in this limbo long enough that it stops feeling like limbo and just becomes what you're both doing because it's what you feel like doing.

    Make sense? These moments are so hard, I know. One day at a time, and remember to keep focused on why you are doing whatever you're doing, even if it's wondering about him, rather than trying to decipher him. Together, apart, in purgatory: you'll never really be able to decipher another person. It's the attempt to do so that leaves us feeling manipulated far more often than whatever someone else is choosing to do.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Then nows your chance to ignore and if he says anything like "are you going to ignore me" then you can send him one last message saying "Well, unless you're asking to reconcile, I see no reason to reply" and then just fade again.
    Neither of you are focused on getting healthier mentally or emotionally when you're sending and receiving selfish crap like that that keeps you mired in limbo to one another.
    I have 2 Facebook accounts and deleted him from them when he called the N.C. He sent me friend requests for both of them yesterday. Why does he keep making contact or social media stuff if he wants No Contact? I'm just gonna keep living my life but unless he asks to get back then I'll ignore. If he does want to get back, I'm going to make him earn every bit of it.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He wants to distance himself from you for self preservation. Social media and messaging allow him to do that. He doesn't have to deal as directly with moods or other issues. He may hope that you get to a doctor for an evaluation and get regular therapy and more support.

    Perhaps he is waiting or hoping he hears that you are improving or trying to improve your mental health before he reenters beyond messaging or social media contact. Have you updated him about the doctors, therapist and support groups you're going to to help yourself?
    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    So my recent ex of close to a year told me that my emotions are really stressful. He suffers from stress induced seizures.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He wants to distance himself from you for self preservation. Social media and messaging allow him to do that. He doesn't have to deal as directly with moods or other issues. He may hope that you get to a doctor for an evaluation and get regular therapy and more support.

    Perhaps he is waiting or hoping he hears that you are improving or trying to improve your mental health before he reenters beyond messaging or social media contact. Have you updated him about the doctors, therapist and support groups you're going to to help yourself?
    I told him that I scheduled therapy every week while I was on the waitlist for these classes on dialectical behavioral therapy before he made the no contact rule with me. He and I have taken short breaks before but always just needed a little breather. I honestly don't think he will make it the full year he wants

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You are with the wrong man. Sadly, you are determined to continue on due to your feelings of abandonment. Hopefully when you start your extensive therapy, you'll be able to drop the feeling of being abandoned and let him be (even if he contacts you) because he needs to be left alone to work through his post traumatic stress issues.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You are with the wrong man. Sadly, you are determined to continue on due to your feelings of abandonment. Hopefully when you start your extensive therapy, you'll be able to drop the feeling of being abandoned and let him be (even if he contacts you) because he needs to be left alone to work through his post traumatic stress issues.
    I'm the one with PTSD, not him. I've been doing good so far with no communication. He's the one reaching out.

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