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My ex reached out to me after no contact


misskath

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So I decided to go no contact with my ex for 3 months when things went rocky and we decided to part ways. He reached out to me and was extremely apologetic and wanted to meet me for drinks and talk properly.

To me it kind of seemed pretty full on and i was kind of shocked but I kind of went along with it. Its been 3 weeks now since we have been chatting over text things seemed to be going well. Then all of a sudden its gone dead haven't heard from in like 5 days. Im not sure if its me that came across too strong or what hopefully i haven't. I didn't mention once about missing him or lets get back together anything like that. Only thing iv suggested is we go to this fun party with a few friends i said i understand if don't fancy it he said ' yeah im up for it will be fun send me details '. I sent him details then the morning of the party he sent me a text saying ' i don't think ill be coming as it maybe too much and were not together ' I wrote back saying that's fair enough and sorry if i made you feel awkward at all, i thought you was up for it hence why sent you the details ' I left it like that then hours later while i was at the party with friends he text me saying ' wish i was there id love to give you a big kiss '

I was like what the hell he was down the pub so clearly was drinking. I said ' well you could of come but you decided not to ' And he was calling me baby stuff like that. Then he said he was going to call me ( clearly been drinking ) then he didn't and said ' sorry babe its so loud in this pub ' I wrote back saying ' No worries, look after yourself ok and i think theres been abit of a miss communication about tonight which is a shame it could of planned out differently '

THAT was the last thing i sent and last thing he red since that he hasn't text or anything kind of disappeared. Im not sure whats happened and not sure what to do from here. I haven't wanted to pester him as don't want to look needy or desperate for any man haha. And plus his got this new job which puts him really under stress.

 

Any advice would be really appreciated PLEASE be kind as i have the flu stuck in bed haha.

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Don't contact him again. If he wants to reconcile then he should ask to see you and then he can tell you in person that he'd like to try again, anything short of that is just him using you to get over you. He is selfish and thoughtless to be contacting you and calling you "babe" when he's not in your life as your boyfriend so don't allow him to do that to you anymore. If you think its too early to block and delete him then just ignore any contact that isn't to actually see you and enjoy the ego boost without giving him one back... ignore.

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Mixed messages - means - no-go

He's texting, accepts a friendly date only to decline it, drunk texts you, flirts and then goes silent.

Don't tolerate this childish stuff.

 

If it were me, I'd tell him:

 

"I don't think it's a good idea to continue communicating seeing we are no longer a couple. Things are little grey and fuzzy right now and I don't want to risk any misunderstandings. If anything changes in the meantime, please let me know, but for now I need to leave while things are still on high note and keep moving forward"

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Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? Rest, plenty of nonalcoholic fluids and stop texting him.

 

The break was about stress of a new job he was all over the place and it affected our relationship, his family, his mental health and friends. Before everything was fine. So kind of makes me think is his head still not in the right place? Iv not reached out to him in 5 days as im a little wary of what to do and say.

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Mixed messages - means - no-go

He's texting, accepts a friendly date only to decline it, drunk texts you, flirts and then goes silent.

Don't tolerate this childish stuff.

 

If it were me, I'd tell him:

 

"I don't think it's a good idea to continue communicating seeing we are no longer a couple. Things are little grey and fuzzy right now and I don't want to risk any misunderstandings. If anything changes in the meantime, please let me know, but for now I need to leave while things are still on high note and keep moving forward"

 

 

 

It strange why the mixed signals as he was never like this before. But like you say its not healthy and good sign and perhaps maybe do you think I should mention it as you say? It does make me wonder if I have done something wrong come over too much or is he still stressed out. I really don't know. Im trying to figure it out really haha.

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It strange why the mixed signals as he was never like this before. But like you say its not healthy and good sign and perhaps maybe do you think I should mention it as you say? It does make me wonder if I have done something wrong come over too much or is he still stressed out. I really don't know. Im trying to figure it out really haha.

 

You are over focused on him. You need to use that energy taking care of yourself. You two are no longer a team and he's obviously looking out for himself. I suggest you do the same.

 

It's obvious you are navigating this step by step in an attempt to win him back. Even if it's at the risk of your own self respect. If he wants you, he knows where to find you. Period. Being the nice, patient, passive girl often backfires.

 

The words I wrote to say to him weren't to manipulate the situation in any way. It was preserve it. To preserve your self respect and your self care and leave him be to work out his own stuff. Remember, he risked losing you to begin with.

 

In the meantime all this back and forth is quickly turning into something that could go off the rails and leading to more misunderstandings.

 

If it's reconciliation you want, your best bet is it close this door. There's no motivation to return if he can have access to you at a reduced capacity. It's also very likely he's just stringing you along and likes the attention. Don't be that girl.

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I don't think its time or place to be blocking people I think that's abit dramatic. I think too that would massively back fire. Not sure that's the best approach at this stage. But if it really has to happen then of course I will.

 

Like I said, if You think it's too early then just ignore. I think blocking and deleting is THE BEST way to get over someone who is jerking you around but most people just will not do it until they are emotionally abused enough to act. So: If you are going to allow yourself to be emotionally abused by his selfish contact that leads to nothing but you being hurt and confused, then do yourself the favor of ignoring his crumbs of attention that lead to nowheresville.

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Unfortunately it sounds like he's enjoying himself out with friends in pubs, etc and not as interested in getting back together. Perhaps as fwb, but if he wanted to reconcile he would not just be drunk dialing you. It seems like he used the "stressed' excuse to end things. He knows your contact info, don't reach out.

So kind of makes me think is his head still not in the right place?
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. .just from years of experience - I've never not had an ex reach out to me during NC.

 

I've learned to expect it and it's basically due to nostalgia, ego, loneliness, alcohol, getting dumped or a dry spell.

 

It rarely if ever meant we were supposed to reconcile. If we did reconcile it was for the wrong reasons and it ultimately ended again. That's time I can't get back.

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We spoke about FWB situation before. And he said he didn't want that and I said neither do I im way too good for that rubbish. So I honestly think its something else wiseman2.

I think its more fixed in his job and drinking. That's why makes me think his heads still not right. I asked if he was doing drugs and he said no. But you just never know. Or perhaps he has some commitment issues. SOO weird and also SOO upsetting as we seemed really good at the time then it all went crumbling.

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. .just from years of experience - I've never not had an ex reach out to me during NC.

 

I've learned to expect it and it's basically due to nostalgia, ego, loneliness, alcohol, getting dumped or a dry spell.

 

It rarely if ever meant we were supposed to reconcile. If we did reconcile it was for the wrong reasons and it ultimately ended again. That's time I can't get back.

 

 

I have to disagree as you do hear stories of people getting back together LOADS of times. So I have to disagree with this post im afraid. Its happened to many many people that they go no contact and get back together. Not saying I will with this ex but it has happened for many people.

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Yes deffo think its too early to block someone. It will just make me look abit childish. I block people all the time haha so im not afraid to block someone if I have to. But like we haven't really fell out have we or had a big row. So I think I wont be doing something that drastic right now. Think ill stick to the no contact.

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The words I wrote to say to him weren't to manipulate the situation in any way. It was preserve it. To preserve your self respect and your self care and leave him be to work out his own stuff. Remember, he risked losing you to begin with.

 

In the meantime all this back and forth is quickly turning into something that could go off the rails and leading to more misunderstandings.

 

If it's reconciliation you want, your best bet is it close this door. There's no motivation to return if he can have access to you at a reduced capacity. It's also very likely he's just stringing you along and likes the attention. Don't be that girl.

 

 

No that's fair enough I appreciate why you said to send him that message. I think I will just im not sure if im kind of ready to reach out to him right now though? Im just a bit unsure you know and don't want it to back fire on me. I guess if it does it does. And need to get rid of that anxiety. But guess its hard when you feel wary of what to write and what not.

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I am going to be blunt so brace yourself.

 

You ARE feeling needy and desperate, yet you are sitting on your hands in order to display a false image of nonchalance. Why do you want to get back with someone who makes you walk on eggshells like that? If you can't be your authentic self with him how is he right for you? I got annoyed on your behalf with the way he is using you to soothe his separation anxiety. Imo, he is not worth it. Imo, he is using you as a stepping stone (because you are allowing it, almost inviting it) and the moment he finds your replacement it will be game over.

 

Life is full of stressful events. Let's say you got back together. What will happen next time he gets stressed? How come he saw you as part of the problem instead of part of the solution? Why are you validating and rewarding his decision to discard you? Why don't you matter in all this? Why are you trying to get back with someone who, when life gets tough as life inevitably does, he sees you as part of the problem?

 

Imo, he is not the ONE for you and you are wasting precious energy and time soothing his guilt and separation anxiety, instead of healing yourself. In my experience, anyone who sees you as part of the problem whenever he gets stressed is not the right person for you. Period.

 

My advice is to stop excusing him and let go. Blocking someone who keeps abandoning you is not childish. It's healthy. You need to set a higher standard regarding how men are allowed to treat you. Abandoning you should be right up with falling out and having a row in terms of reasons to block.

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Yes deffo think its too early to block someone. It will just make me look abit childish.
No it won't. It will make you look like you are grown up enough to look after your own best interests and that you know to let go when you should.

 

I block people all the time haha so im not afraid to block someone if I have to.
Unfortunately, you're in a state where you don't think you "have to" when in actuality, you have to if he's screwing with you, which, by his actions, he is.

 

But like we haven't really fell out have we or had a big row.
You don't have to have a big row. You're not taking into consideration how he's effed with your confidence and how confused he's made, how he's made you THINK he's interested.

 

So I think I wont be doing something that drastic right now.
That's you're choice but take into consideration what you've been advised in your thread and remember it all when he does this to you again... which he will when he's feeling nostalgic. (feeling nostalgic does not mean he wants to reconcile so don't count those types of contact as anything other than fluff.

 

Think ill stick to the no contact.
Its the least you can do for your own emotional well being.
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Yes deffo think its too early to block someone. It will just make me look abit childish. I block people all the time haha so im not afraid to block someone if I have to. But like we haven't really fell out have we or had a big row.

.

I never understood why 2 people had to wait until they had a really nasty fall out in order to break free of each other. I guess hating each other makes it easier, but doesn't that take an unnecessary messy toll?

 

No, you didn't have a row but he's throwing you breadcrumbs, possibly playing with you and you are now hopeful and then disappointed by his not responding. Isn't that reason enough to call it? Especially that seeing `it' isn't anything really to hold onto to begin with?

 

You only want someone in your life that shares the same enthusiasm you do.

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Well to me I think blocking someone can kind of come acorss abit childish some of you may think its not but I think it is. I think going no contact shows you are mature. I think blocking someone is the last resort. I have blocked him in the past and it worked fine and I was fine with it and I have blocked other people in the past fine. But right now I feel I don't need to. So not sure why some people are pushing the idea to be frankly honest when im no contact anyways. He probably might not even reach out anyways. So think enough of the blocking comments to be honest zzzzz.

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I have to disagree as you do hear stories of people getting back together LOADS of times. So I have to disagree with this post im afraid. Its happened to many many people that they go no contact and get back together. Not saying I will with this ex but it has happened for many people.

 

Yes, but how many of those couples make it work for the long-term?

 

Not that many, in my experience. More often than not, they wind up splitting again, and frequently over the same issues that came between them the first time. There are exceptions, of course, but we can't deny that on-off relationships don't usually work out well.

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Yes, but how many of those couples make it work for the long-term?

 

Not that many, in my experience. More often than not, they wind up splitting again, and frequently over the same issues that came between them the first time. There are exceptions, of course, but we can't deny that on-off relationships don't usually work out well.

 

 

EXACTLY! That's why I disagreed to that ladies post as SOME have worked out and some haven't. All depends doesn't it. Nothing to do with my situation I mean in general.

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Does he have a history of heavy drinking or doing drugs? Is this why you blocked him in the past. It's fine to just stay no contact since you know that being on/off is rubbish and worse than fwb. It seems like you could do a lot better than him as soon as you are ready to move forward.

We spoke about FWB situation before. I asked if he was doing drugs and he said no.
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EXACTLY! That's why I disagreed to that ladies post as SOME have worked out and some haven't. All depends doesn't it. Nothing to do with my situation I mean in general.

 

In any case, I wouldn't hold my breath for this ex.

 

He's inconsistent which generally means his feelings just aren't there for you in a significant way anymore. He probably felt a little drunk and lonely when he messaged you from the pub, but realized in the sober light of day it's not fair to lead you on and keep the communication going.

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Does he have a history of heavy drinking or doing drugs? Is this why you blocked him in the past. It's fine to just stay no contact since you know that being on/off is rubbish and worse than fwb. It seems like you could do a lot better than him as soon as you are ready to move forward.

 

 

I noticed he was drinking a lot when he started that new job & not only that his friend killed himself. That's when things went abit bad for us both so that's when I decided to go no contact then after 3 months he reached out to me on social media and said he was sorry, his getting his life back and wants to see me. So was really upsetting for me to see someone you really liked change into someone you don't even recognize. He says he just goes to the pub now and again with mates and has learnt a lesson but honestly I really don't know as like you can see we was meant to meet Saturday at a party and he flaked on me. We was also meant to be meeting up for some food and some drinks ( his idea not mine ) I believe this Friday or next Friday cant remember as I deleted the chat and have been no contact and iv not heard anything regarding that. Maybe his heads still not clear from everything.

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