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Thread: My ex reached out to me after no contact

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    . .just from years of experience - I've never not had an ex reach out to me during NC.

    I've learned to expect it and it's basically due to nostalgia, ego, loneliness, alcohol, getting dumped or a dry spell.

    It rarely if ever meant we were supposed to reconcile. If we did reconcile it was for the wrong reasons and it ultimately ended again. That's time I can't get back.

  2. #12

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    We spoke about FWB situation before. And he said he didn't want that and I said neither do I im way too good for that rubbish. So I honestly think its something else wiseman2.
    I think its more fixed in his job and drinking. That's why makes me think his heads still not right. I asked if he was doing drugs and he said no. But you just never know. Or perhaps he has some commitment issues. SOO weird and also SOO upsetting as we seemed really good at the time then it all went crumbling.

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    . .just from years of experience - I've never not had an ex reach out to me during NC.

    I've learned to expect it and it's basically due to nostalgia, ego, loneliness, alcohol, getting dumped or a dry spell.

    It rarely if ever meant we were supposed to reconcile. If we did reconcile it was for the wrong reasons and it ultimately ended again. That's time I can't get back.

    I have to disagree as you do hear stories of people getting back together LOADS of times. So I have to disagree with this post im afraid. Its happened to many many people that they go no contact and get back together. Not saying I will with this ex but it has happened for many people.

  4. #14

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    Yes deffo think its too early to block someone. It will just make me look abit childish. I block people all the time haha so im not afraid to block someone if I have to. But like we haven't really fell out have we or had a big row. So I think I wont be doing something that drastic right now. Think ill stick to the no contact.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    The words I wrote to say to him weren't to manipulate the situation in any way. It was preserve it. To preserve your self respect and your self care and leave him be to work out his own stuff. Remember, he risked losing you to begin with.

    In the meantime all this back and forth is quickly turning into something that could go off the rails and leading to more misunderstandings.

    If it's reconciliation you want, your best bet is it close this door. There's no motivation to return if he can have access to you at a reduced capacity. It's also very likely he's just stringing you along and likes the attention. Don't be that girl.

    No that's fair enough I appreciate why you said to send him that message. I think I will just im not sure if im kind of ready to reach out to him right now though? Im just a bit unsure you know and don't want it to back fire on me. I guess if it does it does. And need to get rid of that anxiety. But guess its hard when you feel wary of what to write and what not.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    I am going to be blunt so brace yourself.

    You ARE feeling needy and desperate, yet you are sitting on your hands in order to display a false image of nonchalance. Why do you want to get back with someone who makes you walk on eggshells like that? If you can't be your authentic self with him how is he right for you? I got annoyed on your behalf with the way he is using you to soothe his separation anxiety. Imo, he is not worth it. Imo, he is using you as a stepping stone (because you are allowing it, almost inviting it) and the moment he finds your replacement it will be game over.

    Life is full of stressful events. Let's say you got back together. What will happen next time he gets stressed? How come he saw you as part of the problem instead of part of the solution? Why are you validating and rewarding his decision to discard you? Why don't you matter in all this? Why are you trying to get back with someone who, when life gets tough as life inevitably does, he sees you as part of the problem?

    Imo, he is not the ONE for you and you are wasting precious energy and time soothing his guilt and separation anxiety, instead of healing yourself. In my experience, anyone who sees you as part of the problem whenever he gets stressed is not the right person for you. Period.

    My advice is to stop excusing him and let go. Blocking someone who keeps abandoning you is not childish. It's healthy. You need to set a higher standard regarding how men are allowed to treat you. Abandoning you should be right up with falling out and having a row in terms of reasons to block.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by misskath
    Yes deffo think its too early to block someone. It will just make me look abit childish.
    No it won't. It will make you look like you are grown up enough to look after your own best interests and that you know to let go when you should.

    I block people all the time haha so im not afraid to block someone if I have to.
    Unfortunately, you're in a state where you don't think you "have to" when in actuality, you have to if he's screwing with you, which, by his actions, he is.

    But like we haven't really fell out have we or had a big row.
    You don't have to have a big row. You're not taking into consideration how he's effed with your confidence and how confused he's made, how he's made you THINK he's interested.

    So I think I wont be doing something that drastic right now.
    That's you're choice but take into consideration what you've been advised in your thread and remember it all when he does this to you again... which he will when he's feeling nostalgic. (feeling nostalgic does not mean he wants to reconcile so don't count those types of contact as anything other than fluff.

    Think ill stick to the no contact.
    Its the least you can do for your own emotional well being.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by misskath
    Yes deffo think its too early to block someone. It will just make me look abit childish. I block people all the time haha so im not afraid to block someone if I have to. But like we haven't really fell out have we or had a big row.
    .
    I never understood why 2 people had to wait until they had a really nasty fall out in order to break free of each other. I guess hating each other makes it easier, but doesn't that take an unnecessary messy toll?

    No, you didn't have a row but he's throwing you breadcrumbs, possibly playing with you and you are now hopeful and then disappointed by his not responding. Isn't that reason enough to call it? Especially that seeing `it' isn't anything really to hold onto to begin with?

    You only want someone in your life that shares the same enthusiasm you do.

  10. #19

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    Well to me I think blocking someone can kind of come acorss abit childish some of you may think its not but I think it is. I think going no contact shows you are mature. I think blocking someone is the last resort. I have blocked him in the past and it worked fine and I was fine with it and I have blocked other people in the past fine. But right now I feel I don't need to. So not sure why some people are pushing the idea to be frankly honest when im no contact anyways. He probably might not even reach out anyways. So think enough of the blocking comments to be honest zzzzz.

  11. #20

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    No offence kind of comes across too that people are ganging up on me and this should be a supportive group not a gang up on the subject group

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