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Thread: Ended relationship after gf plans on staying at her ex's.

  1. #11
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    You made the mistake a lot of so-called White Knights make. You sacrificed your own well-being so you could grab on to some validation by trying to show her that she needs you.

    I don't doubt you cared about her, but I think this was less about protecting her and more about desperately trying to build up your own self-esteem by saving the proverbial wounded bird. Guys (and girls) like you believe they're rescuing these broken folks while they continue to neglect the broken parts of themselves that lead to the unhealthy saviour tendencies to begin with.

    It seems you now are realizing that being a saviour to someone who doesn't give a crap about you doesn't work. All it does it cause you excuse terrible behaviour because you're too scared or insecure to boot this person out of your life. You (and I am speaking in the general sense of the word "you") come to feed off the validation you think you're getting by keeping this toxic soul around, and will do just about anything to cling on to it - until you've finally had enough and exit stage left. Thank your lucky stars you aren't going to waste yet another year on her.

  2. #12
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    You mistrust was with good reason. And without trust, there's nothing to have a relationship about. You are now free to move on and find happiness and the possibility of a more stable relationship with a more suitable partner.

  3. #13
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    She was a serial cheater and didn't even bother to hide it. You were spineless and we really do teach others how to treat us so don't ever put up with such obvious lack of respect again. I cringed so much reading your post...I mean God, your gf was screwing guys left right and center and you put up with it.

    In the future, if a girl is secretive and talks to guys and acts defensive...Run.

  4. #14
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
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    Never allow any form of disrespect from anyone, especially a romantic partner. They are with you willingly, nobody forces them so if they are not willing to respect and stand up to your expectations and morality then it`s the time of the boot. Don`t torture yourself, you were right to toss her out of your life & in fact you should have done it waaaaaayyyy before this time. But I get it, I`m with you, it`s easy to let go of self worth in order to keep "feelings" around. The feeling of companion, of being important to someone, of romance , of completion. It`s uncomfortable to feel lonely I get it. But in the end, you get to keep the change when you could be out there making millions. Now you have lived the worst, there`s no way but up! I hope one day soon, i`ll see you post on how you met an amazing girl and laugh about that pityful ex of yours. But again she was never yours so, of to her "masters" she goes. FLY FREE

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  6. #15
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    So sorry you're going through this.

    For me the hardest things about this is letting go of the comfort and close company the relationship offered, and more so whether I did the right thing, or I've over reacted and should have been stronger and more resilient to my feelings about her being that active with to her ex.
    If you could have comfort and close company with someone who had zero respect for you, you will be able to achieve the same with someone who values your relationship enough to be with you, and only you. While you're emotionally involved with this girl, you don't have that option.

    Generally, in relationships, listen to your gut, and in future don't hang around in a relationship where you're eating your heart out. There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but genuine friendships are all above board, involve the two of you and don't involve lying or sneaking around. If you feel uncomfortable it's for a reason. Your feelings were telling you that her 'friendships' were very, very off, disrespectful both to you and your relationship, and completely inappropriate from someone who claimed to be committed to you. Don't rationalise them away.

    You have certainly not over reacted. Personally, I would have ended the relationship when she stayed over and didn't come back until 10.00am without a very, very good explanation.

    She is absolutely right when she says she can speak to whoever she likes. She can also sleep with whoever she likes. It's just that you shouldn't be staying in a relationship while she does!

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