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Thread: How can I tell if I was overreacting?

  1. #21
    Bronze Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Not that anything you could've done would've spelled success with this guy, since he's not good bf material, but my advice for future dating is to not spend more than two days a week with a guy at the beginning, and limit the texting. More than that is too much, too soon.
    I agree with this, every time a man wanted to spend too much time with me at the beginning, it didn't end well - they were either possessive/jealous, or just wanted to hook up.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I am sorry but this guy IS a player. I personally know two guys that will spend months on a woman to get in her pants for a few weeks and then disappear or turn into such a jerk the woman dumps them. These guys have several women they are juggling at the same time to increase their odds and are always on the look out for another. They use women for sex and will say and do anything to get it.

    They certainly are not friends of mine but I have seen them in action over the years and they are pretty much how you described this guy. I once tried to clue a really nice woman in to who she was dealing with and she got really mad with me so now I stay out of it.

    I think in your mind this is a big deal because you wanted this to be more than it really was and when reality showed its ugly head you felt the loss of what you had hoped for, not for what was real. If you accept he was a lying jerk that just wanted sex then I would imagine you would feel relieved he is out of your life not upset about it.

    You sound smart with a good life so take this as a learning experience and the next time pay attention to those red flags. When a guy builds you up and then suddenly gives you a negative comment (called a NEG ) for players it is designed to keep you off balance and wanting to please them so you will get a positive comment. Notice I said "please them" which is what they want which is ultimately sex. Think of it this way; what would any guy that really wanted to date you and be in a relationship with you cut down any part of your life or you personally? It is the opposite of what most people do. They go out of their way to not say something stupid and try very hard to put their best foot forward especially early on.

    This guy really is only good for one thing and that is a lesson learned...

    Don't waste anymore emotional real estate on this guy, he simply is not worth your time.

    Lost

  3. #23
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Don't set aside your life for anyone. I don't understand why you would do this. I presume you got excited about the prospect of a new boyfriend so you chose to put way too much of your focus on him. Being "busy" two days out of all the days he contacted you last minute to see you isn't really much.

    You won't need to fast track the right man. You'll both be on the same page if it's the right man.

  4. #24
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    He got you into bed. That was his goal. Now he's like, "NEXT."

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  6. #25
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    OP, why would you push back your life for a guy you barely know?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    No, you didn't overreact. No, you didn't push him away. He's nothing but red flags all over the place; more than your post! His character is despicable. Don't even expect nor anticipate his coming back. He actually did you a huge favor by dumping YOU. You need to dump him completely in your mind. Block and delete him and then he'll become out of sight, out of mind.

    Your approach was too soft from the beginning. The second you caught him in a lie, it should've been over for you in your mind yet you didn't heed those warning bells in your brain. Once a liar, always a liar as liars have since had a lot of practice!

    A good man? A real jerk left you and good riddance!

    Stop obsessing, consuming and preoccupying yourself with this jerk! He's NOT worth it. He's full of it, a deceitful, pretentious, charming liar, only used you for sex and discarded you like yesterday's trash, downgrades and insults you. Get rid of the cad.

  8. #27
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    I agree, I think he was only trying to get sex. Just because he spent a few weeks dating doesn't mean anything. I knew someone who was seeing a guy for two months. After two months they slept together and straight after that she never heard from him ever again! The fact that this guy from the start was pushing for sex most likely means he did want sex. And he probably wanted to see you so often because he could see you weren't just gonna give it up straight away, so he was trying to have more dates to move it along faster . He used you and then said all these bad things about you to turn it around on you! Total jerk!

  9. #28
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
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    WOW! I`m so humbled all of you guys came forward and replied to my question. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

    I` m calm knowing that at least my gut is working properly and that my mind was not wrong. It is true @MissCanuck it was wrong to push my life away for a perfect stranger, but I got caught in my feelings and I tend to be impolsive sometimes, especially when in love. I was thinking at first , as some of you did, that it was just a matter of compability, that he may be a saint for all I know, but alas we didn`t match. But now,with my head clearer and my emotions completely out of the picture, I know he was just a player. The reason being is that a good guy would meet you in person and cut things politely and with respect. Or even on the phone, he wouldn`t use such harsh and uncalled for things to say. A "I appreciate our time together,I do really like you, you are a nice woman but unfortunately I`m looking for something different right now" etc, would be acceptable as it has happened in the past and it was pretty fine by me. I liked the honesty and appreciated the decency in those cases. Especially if you have connected with someone sexually, it`s disgusting the way he broke things off.

    I don`t jump into having sex with someone right away. In fact he was the 2nd man I`ve ever had sex with in my life, the 1rst being my ex bf of one year and I had waited for more than 40 days to sleep with him. After breaking up, I stayed celibate for more than a year, until I met this 2nd guy in which, call it my infatuation, call it my hormones, call it him creating this sense of safety and future together, I did earlier than I hoped for. I do not regret it , I had a fantastic time but next time I will most certainly wait way longer. Not for the modesty factor, but for the I-get-emotionally-attached factor. I can`t spare any more heart. I value my time and feelings so much more after this event and will definitely have som "growing up" to do in dating to look after my best interest.

    I have blocked and deleted his number since day one. That goes without saying.

  10. #29
    Member proseyxi's Avatar
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    @Wiseman2 I only drink 2 a month tops, because I don`t like alcohol. So no, I and my family have no such issues , with any addictions in general. I`m not obsessed , just inexperienced. It happens to all of us sometimes to get emotionally invested and being let down. It just hurts. That`s all.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Umm... you called him.. to see if HE was okay? None of this is.. okay.
    I think you know this... right?
    He is overbearing & acting like a child if he does not get his way.. fps.

    Way too much.

    You seemed to be accepting of his actions / behaviour - which was too much. He gave too much then pulled back?
    Uncertain.. unsettled. weird man!

    Low blow - you reminded him of his ex... Omg! :O. Yup- he's got too many Issues!

    Don't be heartbroken.. he stunted you.. shock treatment sort of thing..
    YOu knew him a month
    Do not contact him again.. back away.. move on with your life.

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