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Thread: How can I tell if I was overreacting?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    This kind of thing is not unusual at all.

    Two people meet, they initially think they've found "the one", they are overjoyed, over the moon, feeling giddy. But as time passes and they spend more time together, they start seeing other sides to one another and realize that this person isn't what I thought or they see traits they don't like after all.
    The giddiness fades and things fall flat.

    You didn't do anything wrong, he didn't do anything wrong. It was just a mismatch. It seemed like maybe it could be a good thing, but in the end, you two are not compatible and he was the one to end it.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    The reason why I don't agree with him being a player is...players don't spent weeks on end to get laid. The try it once or twice, but go to another girl if she's not into it.
    This guy texted, and full on dated you for a decent amount of time. He made loads of effort. To me, that's not things a player would do. They're not interested in putting in that much effort.

    It sounds to me more like the chemistry just wasn't there and more and more incompatibility issues kept coming up.

    You two were not a match.

  3. #13
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    I agree -simply not a match. Why is it "judging" to choose not to date someone who doesn't have the educational background/employment you feel comfortable with? Dating for a relationship requires judging whether the person is right for you. Bad judging is assuming someone is inferior as a person because of his level of education - you're just declining to date someone who might not be a good match for you. In this case you overlooked a ton of red flags, had some fun and it didn't work out -happens a lot!

  4. #14
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    The reason why he sounds like a player to me is because they had 5 dates in one week which seems too much. Then he went hot and cold, and then he was pushing for sex. And I've known a few guys/players who can stick around for some time, and they date/hook up with several girls at the same time. But then again maybe it's me, and I see players everywhere

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Re-read your second last paragraph. This guy wanted to get laid, and he did, and now he's moved on to the next girl he fancies. You need to be more selective in the guys you choose to date, so may red flags with this guy. He's a jerk, you can do so much better. Block and delete.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Agree with Sherry and Batya.

    Don't think anything good comes from deploying the "player" term in this case, or in most. For a moment in time, both of them were excited, while also probably making mental note of "red flags" of various shape and size—things about the other person that rubbed them a bit. He called it off, as is allowed. A universal dating story, in short, not a story of a woman being "played" by a snake.

    Sorry about this, as it's always a bummer when things don't work out. Good news? It means you are now free to keep exploring and connecting and finding someone with whom it works. This guy hardly sounded like a great catch, but more of an experience to better tune your red flag meter for future dating experiences.

  8. #17
    Silver Member Spawn's Avatar
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    i feel he just was not that into you. it felt to me evrything went quite fast.
    He was quite disrespectful towards you to be honest. There are enough reasons to cut him off for good. Dont waste time on him he is definitely not worth it.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    First of all good men don't lie and don't cut you down, put you down, or otherwise insult you. Really need to wrap your head around that.

    Second, you really really need to take away an important lesson from this experience - never ever confuse this level of intense pursuit for anything genuine and never fall for that again. It should scare the life out of you and send you running for the hills when you meet a man who will act like he does. Why? Because the types who engage in this kind of hot and heavy, high pressure, messing with your head, hot/cold pursuit are psychos, conmen, narcissists, and other assorted disordered personalities. In other words people you do not want anywhere near you, let alone in your life in any way. You see that, you block and delete next time.

    You really need to rethink how you understand dating and what healthy interest looks like because this was a huge red flag and a total no from the minute you met.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Don't think anything good comes from deploying the "player" term in this case, or in most. For a moment in time, both of them were excited, while also probably making mental note of "red flags" of various shape and size—things about the other person that rubbed them a bit. He called it off, as is allowed. A universal dating story, in short, not a story of a woman being "played" by a snake.
    My point, exactly.

    You both were excited about this at one time. He changed his mind.
    I'm not saying he didn't end up showing bad qualities or that you weren't both judging one another. I'm mainly pointing out that it ended up being a case of incompatibility.

    No reason to start vilifying due to it not working out as you had hoped it would.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Not that anything you could've done would've spelled success with this guy, since he's not good bf material, but my advice for future dating is to not spend more than two days a week with a guy at the beginning, and limit the texting. More than that is too much, too soon. Keep up with your hobbies, time with family and girlfriends, alone time, etc. Perhaps if you'd done this, you wouldn't be feeling heartbroken after only 30 days.

    When I was a teen, a few guys lied to impress me. That's kids stuff. He's 30 and lied about his income. Take ownership of your mistakes of avoiding red flags because he was cute. He insulted you and you're here writing about how upset you are about the breakup. You have a lot of work to do on boosting your self worth, or you will continue to ignore red flags and stick with toxic men. Read some books or articles on how to accomplish this.

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