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Thread: He talks nonstop about his exwife

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This guy is so not ready to date anyone. Find yourself a guy without all the baggage and drama of this one.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Well, he did tell you he wasn’t ready, why pursue it then?
    Wasn't pursuing anything, my question was ... is it ok for someone to expect another to listen and not pass judgement? Is that selfish or am I insensitive?

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Nope, it is not ok for him go on about it.
    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    Wasn't pursuing anything, my question was ... is it ok for someone to expect another to listen and not pass judgement? Is that selfish or am I insensitive?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    Wasn't pursuing anything, my question was ... is it ok for someone to expect another to listen and not pass judgement? Is that selfish or am I insensitive?
    Well, to answer this directly: Yes, of course it's "okay" for someone to expect another to listen to them rant about an ex and not pass judgement. We are all entitled to expect whatever it is we expect, to want to connect with other people on whatever grounds we want to connect on: books for some, sports for others, awful exes for still others. Not a crime, totally human, as is the expectation for something more—or, well, less talk about such drivel.

    In fairness to him, it sounds like he was explicit in portraying himself as a man not ready to date. He is being true to his word, matching what came out of his mouth with how he behaves. Can't really ask for more, all in all. Now you get to do what works for you, based on your own wants and expectations of people and romance.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Well, to answer this directly: Yes, of course it's "okay" for someone to expect another to listen to them rant about an ex and not pass judgement. We are all entitled to expect whatever it is we expect, to want to connect with other people on whatever grounds we want to connect on: books for some, sports for others, awful exes for still others. Not a crime, totally human, as is the expectation for something more—or, well, less talk about such drivel.

    In fairness to him, it sounds like he was explicit in portraying himself as a man not ready to date. He is being true to his word, matching what came out of his mouth with how he behaves. Can't really ask for more, all in all. Now you get to do what works for you, based on your own wants and expectations of people and romance.
    I agree with this.

    You’re focusing on the mouse while the elephant is suffocating you.

    You’re laser focused on him and his actions when, to me, the most obvious and helpful question you should be asking yourself is, “ why am I sleeping with a man who won’t stop bringing up his ex?”

  7. #16
    Bronze Member Spawn's Avatar
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    You have developed strong feelings for him and he is actually not over his ex.
    if you continue it will just hurt you more. Time to stop all this and protect yourself.
    Dont blame yourself or him just leave him to sort himself out.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He sounds like he's on the rebound and obviously hadn't recovered from his divorce yet. To him, you're merely a temporary sounding board.

    You thought right. Yes, you should stop seeing him. You're right again, it's not healthy for you. I couldn't agree more.

    If you would like to give him friendly advice, all you can do is remain direct, polite, well mannered and respectful. He needs to know how to treat you and others with respect by not mentioning his ex-wife ad nauseum. After you've spoken your piece, part ways peacefully and truly move on. He's not for you.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's okay to ask someone to change the subject if you're not enjoying the conversation. My husband asked his visiting sister if they could talk about something else when she kept bringing up the horrible parenting they had. A co-worker I was driving with on business brought up religious topics and had an opposite view of me, and I was getting disturbed at her toxic ideas. I told her, "You're not going to change my mind and I'm not going to change yours, so let's agree never to talk about religion again."

    You can just say to him, "It's probably best you talk to a guy friend about that." Or: "Did you ever think that speaking about your ex so often brings all those negative emotions to the surface? Maybe it's why you don't have closure."

    It's up to you to either speak up so you can enjoy his company, or to let someone go whose company you don't enjoy because he's a bore, bringing up the same damn topic day in and day out. FWBs are always meant to be temporary, anyway. Cut the cord now, since you're more frustrated than satisfied.

  10. #19
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    It's incredibly awkward of him to bring up his ex so much when he's spending time with another woman (you) on any intimate level. It's more than okay for you to decline in engaging in conversations about his ex-wife, yes. I'm surprised he would need this pointed out to him, but here we are.

    If you two were genuinely just friends without any sort of hanky-panky or romantic notions, then sure, it might be more acceptable to discuss her and how much he evidently misses her. But dude needs a reality check if he really thinks any other woman he's spending time with on a more-than-friends level is going to want to indulge his broken heart.

    I would personally stop seeing him, and especially stop sleeping with him. He's not in a good place to be doing either.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    So awkward. I tried to be supportive but it just annoyed me, and then I felt bad for not being a friend.
    Why would you feel bad for not acting like a friend when you are clearly NOT his friend?
    He is on the rebound , he doesn’t need a friend. He is not wanting to be your friend.
    He just wants a sounding board and someone to bang.
    He does not want your advice!

    And it seems you just want to bang him and not hear about his ex.

    So tell him straight up! You are happy to sleep with him , but you don’t want anything more from him and you don’t want to be anything more to him.

    Tell him to get another sounding board while you guys continue to have a rebound fling.

    If he doesn’t like it, he can go elsewhere. Right?

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