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Thread: We could be friends ?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Google and research "Grey Divorce". It refers to the situation you are facing. Not everyone divorces but many have become roommates. Again the most important thing you can do for yourself is review and bulletproof all your financials with the help of an attorney and CPA. Do you have kids?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I have to agree and as I said in my first post, she hasn't presented anything but how happy she is with him living together as friends which they are currently doing so why change it up?
    I say if it ain't broke, dont fix it! Bad grammar and all :-)

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Since you've been married for a very long time, you need to ask yourself several important questions. Both of you are financially comfortable.

    Can you financially survive without your husband? Do you have the means to live independently? Are you willing to sacrifice your standard of living? Will you struggle financially? Those are some hard questions you need to ask yourself.

    I agree with others, consult a financial advisor and an attorney. Investigate what your options are.

    If you can survive comfortably on your own, then seek your own financial independence.

    If you're not willing to give up your financial comfort, financial stability and traveling, then your husband is a package deal meaning you have to force yourself to take the good with the bad. Some people can't have their cake and eat it, too. Sometimes there is a catch or strings attached in relationships. That's the reality of some marriages.

    Always remain financially realistic and there's your answer.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    My sister is in a similar dilemma. She's married to a real jerk. However, she's not willing to sacrifice her affluent lifestyle nor end up as a struggling single parent as my mother was. That's simply not an option for her as she has already lived it.

    Therefore, for some wives, it's either put up or shut up. There's the door. If you can't make it on your own financially, you're hosed.

    For your sake, I hope you can weigh your options if you have any regarding your financial independence, if possible.

    As for remaining friends? 'Man's best friend' is better IMHO.

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  6. #25
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    Around 6 months ago I wanted to leave and looked for a flat on my own, however he talked me out of that.

    Hi Copperjug,
    If you thought about exit the relationship and even live on your own then there is much more to share about your relationship than what this post offer. if you tell us more about why you wanted to leave, we will be able to offer you much better advices.

    1. What is it that you don't like about your relationship?
    2. He's "allowed" to have multiple affairs but what about you? does the same rule apply to you? Or Does he expect for you to remain faithful?
    3. Would you like to get to know a nice man and fall in love?
    4. Do you feel that you're not living your life but living his? Letting him lead because you "depend on him"?
    5. How does it affect your self esteem to know that "he's not attracted to you" "is not in love with you anymore"? does it kill any hope you would have to be desired and loved by any man in the futur? Is it one of the reasons why you stay?

    you say: I think my live could be good if I wasn't emotionally attached to him ...He says he isn't in love with me...

    This quote makes me feel that you're still loves him like a spouse, and you wish you were not that attached to him and able to love him like a friend.
    You cannot wish your feelings to change. You cannot live your life on COULD. you have to work with what you really feel and take the best decision for your well being. not take a decision according to what your feelings should be.
    I hope you can answer those questions

  7. #26
    Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply, to answer some questions asked / theories posed
    I'm not looking to date again
    I would be fine financially if I left


    Food for thought in some of your responses and some ideas for moving forward - thanks again

    Wisewoman2 I will follow up on "Grey Divorce"

  8. #27
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by copperjug
    Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply, to answer some questions asked / theories posed
    I'm not looking to date again
    I would be fine financially if I left


    Food for thought in some of your responses and some ideas for moving forward - thanks again

    Wisewoman2 I will follow up on "Grey Divorce"
    What does any of that actually mean? Are you going to stay? Are you going to leave? Food for thought? What kinds of thoughts has your thread evoked in you, Copper?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by copperjug
    Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply, to answer some questions asked / theories posed
    I'm not looking to date again
    I would be fine financially if I left


    Food for thought in some of your responses and some ideas for moving forward - thanks again

    Wisewoman2 I will follow up on "Grey Divorce"
    The key is money. If you would be financially fine if you left and if you want to travel with him (separate rooms?), dine out together and have a buddy, ask him if he's willing to be your post-divorce friend. Some couples are friends post-divorce.

    If he's not willing to be your friend, there are plenty of friends out there in this world.

    Be strong. You don't always need a live in person with you in order to feel whole and complete.

    Never allow yourself to be stuck in an unhappy marriage if you have choices. Never make yourself feel entrapped. This was my sister's grave mistake.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Op: ARE you in an unhappy marriage? Your opening post doesn't paint that you are.
    I like him and enjoy his company and together we have fun travelling and a fairly good lifestyle. I think my life would be less rich and less fun without him.

  11. #30
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    Why don't you have sex anymore?
    Is it because he cheated 20 years ago?
    Or are you just meh about sex?
    How about seeing a doctor -- using some lubricant or a hormonal cream? WHy not *try* to get the intimacy back? there are plenty of women in their 50s and 60s and even 70s who are having a hot sex life with their husband - maybe not like they did at 21 years old, but they have not closed off that part of life.
    He loves you, but isn't "in love" - but is he that way because you are meh and don't put work into the marriage anymore either?
    When someone stops reciprocating and has one foot out the door - its sometimes hard for the other person to stay in love

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