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Thread: We could be friends ?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    How could he "easily just keep her out?" How so? Enquiring minds need to know. :)
    Meaning - typo I guess -he could meet someone who knocks his socks off and file for divorce. Far more likely than with a couple who is romantically involved in a marriage. So she should protect herself in advance.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Meaning - typo I guess -he could meet someone who knocks his socks off and file for divorce. Far more likely than with a couple who is romantically involved in a marriage. So she should protect herself in advance.
    Protect herself how? Emotionally? Financially? Both?

    Anyway, they have been together for 35 years and he talked her out of getting her own apartment so it doesn't sound like he'd leave her even if he did find "the other woman." If he did leave her, he'd be doing her the favor of not having to do it herself and she'd likely get half of everything they own. (at least).

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Protect herself how? Emotionally? Financially? Both?

    Anyway, they have been together for 35 years and he talked her out of getting her own apartment so it doesn't sound like he'd leave her even if he did find "the other woman." If he did leave her, he'd be doing her the favor of not having to do it herself and she'd likely get half of everything they own. (at least).
    Honestly I simply was agreeing that in a situation where one spouse is cheating on the other, there's a long marriage and a potential imbalance in financial wherewithal it can't hurt to consult with an attorney so she knows what to expect and if there's damage control she can do in advance. But sure you're entitled to your opinion -I'm not sure why it's such a big deal for her to consult with someone.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Honestly I simply was agreeing that in a situation where one spouse is cheating on the other, there's a long marriage and a potential imbalance in financial wherewithal it can't hurt to consult with an attorney so she knows what to expect and if there's damage control she can do in advance. But sure you're entitled to your opinion -I'm not sure why it's such a big deal for her to consult with someone.
    Its not a big deal to "consult with someone" but the question was "how can she protect herself" which you just now answered... via an attorney.

    Thanks for answering.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by copperjug
    Does anyone continued to live with their partner like this rather than separate ? Looking for advice and support please...........................
    What other people do is irrelevant. What do you want for yourself?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    If this man had not cheated on her a long time ago would everyone's advice remain the same?

    IMO what she's got going on now is working on some level, they seem to get along, they travel together well, it's not like there's fighting and battles regularly. Of course we only know what she told us. She hasnt said anything about wanting to have an affair or find a boyfriend etc. Perhaps separate bedrooms could work and they could lead their lives as they see fit.

    Knowing your financial status is crucial to all men and women, because you never know what will happen. I dont see any point in her moving out at this time.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    If this man had not cheated on her a long time ago would everyone's advice remain the same?

    IMO what she's got going on now is working on some level, they seem to get along, they travel together well, it's not like there's fighting and battles regularly. Of course we only know what she told us. She hasnt said anything about wanting to have an affair or find a boyfriend etc. Perhaps separate bedrooms could work and they could lead their lives as they see fit.

    Knowing your financial status is crucial to all men and women, because you never know what will happen. I dont see any point in her moving out at this time.
    I have to agree and as I said in my first post, she hasn't presented anything but how happy she is with him living together as friends which they are currently doing so why change it up?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Its not a big deal to "consult with someone" but the question was "how can she protect herself" which you just now answered... via an attorney.

    Thanks for answering.
    Yes - I agreed with Tattobunnie who I thought suggested this in the first place -an attorney.
    Everyone should know his or her financial status whether married or single. In a situation where a marriage is at higher risk of instability for whatever reason it's often even more important as I've seen with friends and family (luckily, not personally!)

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Yes - I agreed with Tattobunnie who I thought suggested this in the first place -an attorney.
    Yes and my response was "how could he easily keep her out" what does that even mean. It doesn't matter what "keep you out" even means at this point because the Op is by all accounts quite happy in the status quo so why change it. She's married so "keep you out" seems moot in it's simplicity.
    Anyway, this is just getting circular so I'll bow out of any further discussion regarding "keep you out" or "protect her how."
    Cheers.

  11. #20
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    You have a lot of time and experience invested in this marriage, so the bottom line becomes whether or not you can stay and be happy with the status quo. You have to be honest with yourself about that question. If the answer is yes, then stay. If it's no, then leave. If it's too complicated, then also, I would leave.

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