Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Thread: Getting her back, 4 year old son

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    14

    Getting her back, 4 year old son

    So, met a girl on online dating 5 years ago. I was looking for sex, she wanted something more. She wasnt my type body wise but personality and face she was perfect. We met up and had sex for some months. She suddenly got pregnant and i tried for a long time to persuade her to get an abortion.

    She wanted the kid and i tried to be a dad, but i have some issues and i was emotionally abusive for the 5 years we was together. I didnt know emotional abuse was a thing, but now 2 months after she dumped me i completely understand her.


    She has said there will never be a chance again, that she is happy now and 1 month post breakup my friend saw her on tinder.

    But a couple days ago i went to drop off my kid, and we all went to the beach, had lunch, went to a petshop to look at animals, and then we had dinner together. There was a good vibe. After dinner i thanked her for raising my son alone, i only was with them
    every weekend due to long distance and my work. I thanked her and said i didnt blame her for the relationship going sour. Then 30 minutes later she asked if i would want to put my son to sleep, so we all 3 went to bed, and after he fell asleep we laid talking about everyday stuff like work for an hour. Then we talked in the couch and we somehow got on to the subject of me pressuring her to come back. She said "when you always say you will improve and not make me sad, then a couple weeks after you trash talk me and make me sad, how should i trust you"

    I agreed and said i dont want to be the douchey ex, i want to be a good dad and a friend. I gave her a hug and we said goodbye.

    I cant help hoping that her feelings will be awoken from times like this, but am i dumb to hope so ?

    I have been in therapy since the breakup

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,050
    Gender
    Male
    Focus on therapy and pay child support on a consistent basis. Leave her alone.
    Originally Posted by AromaVeggie
    She wanted the kid and i tried to be a dad, but i have some issues and i was emotionally abusive for the 5 years we was together. I didnt know emotional abuse was a thing, but now 2 months after she dumped me i completely understand her. I have been in therapy since the breakup

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    14
    She dont want child support. I will continue therapy as long as i can, and leaving her alone is also what im doing. But my question was if she one day might want to give it a shot. I understand if you cant answer

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,696
    I cant help hoping that her feelings will be awoken from times like this, but am i dumb to hope so ?

    Her feelings are normal and valid.

    She has spent 5 years hoping your feelings will be “awoken” from times more important than a mere chit chat.
    Like when your son was born, when he took his first steps , when he was sick , everything that did not awaken your feelings for 5 years!!? And you suddenly want her to respond to your flippant chat??

    Leave her to raise “your” biological son and be thankful for that.

    Don’t stake your claim now! It’s too late.
    All you can hope for is that she allows visitation rights.

    Don’t continue to play the games any more.
    Stand up and be a father not a player.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    14
    You dont know how it was, a player ? My feelings awoken ?

    I loved her for a long time, and all the things like first step and what you say, how dare you assume anything about that ? Chit chat ? Where do you get this ?

    Maybe i havent explained properly but we had plenty great times, thats why she stayed for 5 years

    I have him every other weekend and we eat together when we drop him off. And her feelings are valid. I meant her family feelings with me might reappear at new when she sees im changed.

    Dont play any games

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,299
    Gender
    Female
    People don’t change in a few months. Feeling remorse isn’t change. So don’t confuse those two things. Maybe after a year of therapy or so then you can call it change. Until then go to therapy and be a great dad. Your child needs you way more than she does.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    14
    I will do that. And i can feel my insecurities and controlling behaviour hasnt changed, im just hoping that in the future we find eachother again

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,050
    Gender
    Male
    It's not her her and not for her to decide. It's to provide food clothing, etc for your child. Hopefully she petitions for it on behalf of the child, this way they can garnish your wages put liens on your vehicles/assets and prevent you from renewing your license. So you don't have to worry about being arbitrary about supporting your child.
    Originally Posted by AromaVeggie
    She dont want child support. I will continue therapy as long as i can

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    14
    Wiseman whats your issue here ?

    We on good terms. We have always had an agreement that i help to pay ? And thats what were doing ?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,232
    Therapy is the key word here. You should also be taking an anger management course which will help a lot too.

    Read some books, books on relationships and books on parenting.

    Tell her you mean it when you say you want to change for the better and prove it by doing these things, and sticking to it for months/years on end till you do actually change.
    Talk is cheap, anyone can say nice words and pretend that they've changed, but if you're still falling back into your same old patterns, you've not changed at all.
    It's going to take a lot of hard work...there is no fast and easy way. You have to be willing to put the work in and to change yourself for the better.

    Don't try to con her again. Mean your words this time and become a better man. Only in time after you've proven yourself to her, can there actually be a chance for you to get your family back.

    You've broken her heart enough. Do not go back to her or even attempt to, until you've actually changed and can provide her with a good life and bring her and your son happiness and not more tears.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •