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Thread: Need to vent. First contact in 96 days, I just feel, lost.

  1. #1
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    Need to vent. First contact in 96 days, I just feel, lost.

    I was with my Ex for almost 5 years. I had posted a thread on here explaining it. We split up around July of last year, and have not spoken a single word to each other after November 1st.

    We remained Facebook friends, up until a week ago when she posted a new cover-photo with her rebound boyfriend (They've been together since we last had contact) and quickly unfriended me. Out of the blue, completely unexpected. I was kind of upset she unfriended me, as we had kept in touch just by liking each other's posts occasionally. Which wasn't ideal, but not contacting her first-hand made it easier to move on with my life and helped me cope.
    I'm still coping, I am. Even 96 days after our last conversation. But, it has indeed gotten easier.

    My birthday was 2 days ago. I was casually just sitting at home on my day off alone, and I get a text. The very last person I expected to wish me a happy birthday, did exactly that. It caught me completely off guard, and I spent over an hour debating on whether or not to reply. A sudden rush of emotions flooded me.

    Her: "Just wanted to wish you a happy 24th birthday, I hope it's a good one, and I hope you're doing good."
    Me: "Thanks young lady. I'm doing good. I wish you the same."

    That was it, she didn't reply (I ended it with a closing style statement just to avoid a converstation). 3 months ago, I would've killed to recieve a text from her. Now, I just feel confused, and lost. It brought back many demons I shut out. Many glimmers of hope still cross my mind like a pest that I try to rid away.
    What if she was thinking about me? What if she misses me, but is too-stubborn to reach out?
    Or what if she is just seeing if I would reply? Maybe to see if I am holding a grudge?

    I still talk to her family monthy, her parents and I were and still are very close, we just keep things about "her" distant/not talked about. I don't know. All I know is that no-contact has helped me cope and let me spread my wings. I guess now, the counter is reset. But I feel, indifferent.

    Most days, I find myself thinking about her many times, it does get easier, but her texting me set me back a few steps. But I chose to be indifferent, and reply to her. Part of me hopes this is a foreshadow of what is to come, perhaps she will reach out again much later in the future, but the damaged-part of me knows not to give my hopes up because she cannot be trusted, nor be a partner, ever again, after what she did to me. I like to consider myself a strong and independant man, but thinking of all the stuff I went through because of her, left part of me in pieces. And I am unsure of whether or not they can be pieced back together, ever again.

  2. #2
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    You just block her on social media for this very reason. As soon as she got a new guy she unfriended you.and stopped contact. Tells you all you need to know.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Happy birthday. Sorry this is happening. Your response was just right. All you can do is reset your social media privacy settings and block and delete her and all her people. Consider dating again, low key coffee type stuff.
    Originally Posted by MysteryCheck
    I
    My birthday was 2 days ago.
    Her: "Just wanted to wish you a happy 24th birthday, I hope it's a good one, and I hope you're doing good."
    Me: "Thanks young lady. I'm doing good. I wish you the same."

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    but the damaged-part of me knows not to give my hopes up because she cannot be trusted, nor be a partner, ever again, after what she did to me. I like to consider myself a strong and independant man, but thinking of all the stuff I went through because of her, left part of me in pieces. And I am unsure of whether or not they can be pieced back together, ever again.
    Then please do yourself a huge favor and stop all contact with her family. Talking to her parents once a month is only keeping your heart from connecting with the logic of that paragraph I quoted.

    You can't quit smoking if you keep having a drag off of a cigarette and you talking to her family (even if you're not mentioning her) is akin to you keep dragging off that 'cigarette' you're trying to quit smoking.

    When she pops into your head quickly change the subject to something else. No more gazing into your daydreams of her. Accept in your heart that its over like you have in your mind. Know that even if she were to crawl back to you, letting her in again goes against every fiber or your own sensibilities and call your (somewhat dwindling) attachment to her off for good.

    I hope you feel indifferent to her soon so that you can get out there and meet a good woman. You sound like a good guy and you deserve to be happy and free of your ex in all ways. Don't let her hold power over you a minute longer.

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  6. #5
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    Happy Birthday to you, MysteryCheck!

    I experienced something similar. I have been divorced for a year now after a 29 year marriage; I am the dumpee. Anyway, I've had NC with my ex since July 2018. My birthday is in August. No text wishing me a happy birthday in 2018. Thank the good Lord for that! He was too busy with his new girlfriend, I'm sure. However, last August, I receive a text from him simply stating "Happy Birthday". That threw me for a loop and actually got me very upset for days. I simply replied with "Thank you." What on earth possessed him to send it? I feel like you do " ...thinking of all the stuff I went through because of her, left part of me in pieces. And I am unsure of whether or not they can be pieced back together, ever again." After what he did, I do not want to hear from him nor see him, unless it has something to do with my adult kids, or his mom. If I never see him again, I'd be OK with that ((yes, I am still in the "anger" phase of the grieving process).

    His birthday is in December. After receiving that text in August, I was unsure as to whether or not I should send him a HB text. I consider myself a polite person. That said, I chose to not send a text and I am very happy with my decision.

    I will echo what other posters have said. Stop talking to her parents, block her on social media, run the other way. I, too, hope that one day you will feel indifferent towards her. You need to heal, and I hope that when you do, you will meet a lovely woman who will genuinely love you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Your response was fine to me.

    I also think staying around her parents is doing more harm than good.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by MysteryCheck
    I still talk to her family monthy, her parents and I were and still are very close, we just keep things about "her" distant/not talked about. I don't know. All I know is that no-contact has helped me cope and let me spread my wings. I guess now, the counter is reset. But I feel, indifferent.
    I can relate to you on this point, although my situation is a little different. I just broke up - or to be more accurate, formalized our mutual break-up from a relationship. But my former gf's dad is coming into town from far away, and right as we were breaking up, she asked me to meet with him, since he considers me a friend. I said I respect her dad and her mom, and like them both, but it'll be too hard for me to continue being friends with her, and therefore with him as well. Part of me wants her to ask me again, so I'll have an excuse to see her and break NC. But she probably won't, and that's good, I guess. I still want to still see him, though, because that's like going back to before, when at least there was still hope for us.

    I totally sympathize with you.

  9. #8
    Silver Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Think of it like protecting yourself, if you put your hand accidentally in fire or the gas burner you ensure it doesn't happen again, take all precautions.
    So what do you do to protect yourself from her contact? Focus should be you.


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