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Thread: Not sure how to proceed?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't you find his dismissive attitude a bit insulting and hurtful? You can do better than someone who treats you like something to do when bored, horny, etc. but otherwise can't be bothered. You need to talk to some trusted adults about this. Stop chasing and crowding this guy. You are looking desperately to be loved but for him, you're an afterthought.

    You're in the danger zone emotionally thinking this is love or respect. Work on your self esteem before this guy erodes it further. Ask your parents to take you to a therapist. Read up on what healthy relationships look like.
    Originally Posted by jenniferjen
    He just told me to stay another night because it was getting late. Was originally only supposed to be two days. Also, what bothers me about him not being my neighbor is how he says he needs to "recharge" from me but seeing his friend everyday is not a bother.

  2. #12
    He sees him everyday. That is very nice for. you and your boyfriend. Everyone has different needs, I do not think seeing each other every two weeks is good for me.. I do not need to see him everyday but somewhere in the middle would be nice. Instead of telling me everything with his wording, he could've been nicer, compassionate and showed understanding. Not make me feel as I am sucking his energy and that I am bad company.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jenniferjen
    He sees him everyday. That is very nice for. you and your boyfriend. Everyone has different needs, I do not think seeing each other every two weeks is good for me.. I do not need to see him everyday but somewhere in the middle would be nice. Instead of telling me everything with his wording, he could've been nicer, compassionate and showed understanding. Not make me feel as I am sucking his energy and that I am bad company.
    Ok. . so now what do you do?

  4. #14
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    This is not someone worth investing anymore emotional time in. Also the fact it hasnít even been a full year yet and heís feeling this way. If I were you, I would abandon ship so to speak. I would move on to find someone who canít get enough of you.

    Trust me not being wanted you will become resentful and it will be emotionally defeating on your part if you stay.

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  6. #15
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Ok. . so now what do you do?
    I must go and figure myself out. sad.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jenniferjen
    Not make me feel as I am sucking his energy and that I am bad company.
    But it seems this is exactly how he feels: that you are sucking up his energy and being bad company. No, that's not fun to hear, but he is allowed to feel it, and express it, just as you are allowed to disengage from someone who feels this way about you.

    Why do you think you are so interested in a man who is not interested in you, and who is not meeting you in that middle where you want to be met?

  8. #17
    Been degraded in the past. Maybe still unsure of my self-worth and all the fun stuff.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I have been with my (20F) boyfriend (21M) for about 8 months now
    Well for someone who has only been dating 8 months you're, in my opinion, being pretty darned demanding. He may still love you but it appears that he doesn't want to be joined at the hip like you want to be. If you "study abroad" together, I can't see anything good coming from that when you two have such different attachment styles at this point in your short relationship.

    If I were you, I'd back off completely, I'd let him be and I'd not contact him to see if maybe, just maybe he stops what he's doing to see where you got to. He knows you're hooked and he doesn't feel it necessary to nurture this relationship with someone so addicted to him. At least that's how it looks to me.

    If he doesn't want to fly with you because he feels that you will annoy him to the point that he gets kicked off the plane then clearly he needs to learn how to miss you. If he doesn't miss you or stop what he's doing and wonders where you got to then its best you find that out now and not when you're "abroad studying" and you're shattered and unable to actually "study."

    I wish you well.

  10. #19
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well for someone who has only been dating 8 months you're, in my opinion, being pretty darned demanding. He may still love you but it appears that he doesn't want to be joined at the hip like you want to be. If you "study abroad" together, I can't see anything good coming from that when you two have such different attachment styles at this point in your short relationship.

    If I were you, I'd back off completely, I'd let him be and I'd not contact him to see if maybe, just maybe he stops what he's doing to see where you got to. He knows you're hooked and he doesn't feel it necessary to nurture this relationship with someone so addicted to him. At least that's how it looks to me.

    If he doesn't want to fly with you because he feels that you will annoy him to the point that he gets kicked off the plane then clearly he needs to learn how to miss you. If he doesn't miss you or stop what he's doing and wonders where you got to then its best you find that out now and not when you're "abroad studying" and you're shattered and unable to actually "study."

    I wish you well.
    Thanks!! for sureeee, I will back off, gonna detach myself.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If this is not your first choice of a place to study if it were not for this guy, I'd rethink my options. This is about your future, and this guy is not planning to be a part of that, or at least not to the degree that you imagined.

    Make this less about him, more about you. What would you choose to do had you never met this guy?

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