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Thread: Should his mental disorder get in the way?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I can't say what you 'should' do, I can only speak for myself--and I'd be out. Especially if I had a child.

    It's not on me to police anyone else, but if the guy opts out of his meds one day, I'd be the one suffering the consequences of that--along with my child. There's no way I'd sign up for that. My child would deserve better judgment from me, as it's my role to be the protector, not the indulger.

    With millions of people in the world to date, I'd be selective and keep my child as first priority.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    might be worth checking out his legal history online. Arrest and convictions are public records.
    They aren't here in Canada. We have very strict privacy laws here. Nothing would come up except perhaps the thing he did to get arrested IF a newspaper happened to pick it up.

    Me? I, if I was a single mother, wouldn't date someone with Schizophrenia. There are lots of men out there that would be a better life mate for you than someone with a mental illness... someone who would be better able to cope with the ins and outs of child rearing and who has never run in with the law any time in their lives.

  3. #13
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    Schizophrenia is not something that you should be bringing into your childs life. It really doesn't matter if he "trusts" you with his problems. 85% of schizophrenics in the USA are unemployed ([Register to see the link] ) I would seriously question a single mothers judgment who brought this into her childs life. Dealing with a family member who is ill is one thing but inviting it into your family is another.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by limichelle

    The stigma is generally those mentally ill are very unstable, live in chaos, and can turn on a dime like a pit bull whose used to dog fighting.

    None of that is true!
    Actually, most of that is true.

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  6. #15
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    You are lonely so will take whoever comes along.
    A person who has things under control with medication typically sees where things go - coffee dates or a movie and doesn't dump on or overshare right away.
    Its too soon to meet the kids in his family and yet you have.

    I really think that for the sake of your child, you should step away.
    He is having a good phase right now, but if he doesn't take his meds, etc, he will be a different person.
    you have not known him long enough for him to "tell you things he cannot tell others"

    For the sake of your child, why not make female friends to hang out with and find more appropriate men?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Several points come to mind. Realize that LDRs rarely survive. Eventually LDRs will fizzle due to obvious reasons: inconvenience due to many geographical miles apart, hassle to see each other, traveling expenses and absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart over time.

    As for mental illness, you need to ask yourself if you're risk adverse or not. With some mentally ill people, it's as if you're walking on eggshells in order to have a peaceful relationship with them. I know full well because there are a few mentally ill people in my life whom I must cross paths with occasionally. All I can do with them is enforce healthy boundaries and keep everything under control in a peaceful yet safely distant manner. However, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are different and you need to consider all factors.

    You're a mother. Do you have the time and energy to invest in a LDR with mental illness in addition to raising your child? There's only so much of you to go around. Don't spread yourself thin otherwise you'll burn the candle at both ends. I agree with others, wait a year before introducing your child to him.

    What is your tolerance level? If you are fine with your current relationship remaining status quo and if both of you are happy, then keep it going. If you eventually find your relationship with him to be high maintenance, then let the maintenance dictate how your relationship will endure for the long term or run its course due to aforementioned reasons.

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