Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 45

Thread: Is this going somewhere?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,243
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Whillow
    It's 0900 the day after the Super Bowl, so he's probably sleeping off the night last night, but if I held a place of value at all, I think he would have responded to me in some way by now. Thanks for the assisted wake-up call. I've been making consolations for people my whole life, and while I've made progress myself, there's still some work to do. Time to get that refresher on dating and read some books on healthy boundaries.
    .....o...m....g.... STOP with the excuses. Look, if a guy is interested in you, as in genuinely interested, wild horses won't stop him from sending back a text "sounds great let's talk details tomorrow, out watching game right now." It takes all of 2 seconds and you need to get it through your head that no matter how big a guy is into whatever, if he is interested in you, you will take some priority for the time it takes to text a response.

    This guy blows hot and cold because he is an a hole who loves to play games with your head. Meanwhile, his silence is "mysterious" to you. A puzzle you want to solve, you will be the hero who gives him space. What space? Serious question, OP. What space? You are not dating, you are not living together. It's not even and fwb because you don't see each other. You chat some and you think you have a relationship and you are in love? In love with what besides your own imagination? You don't know him, you don't even know if he is actually single or has a wife or gf or a dozen other women he is chatting away with just like you. Poor poor broken soul with a stable of desperate girls ready to service him if only he'd oblige. He goes away and comes around because he does what guys like him do - rotate the silly women in his stable - entertaining and refreshing for him.

    Bottom line is don't be so desperate that you pick up the first mysterious sparkly turd and start spinning stories how the poor damaged man must be nurtured back to life and health with the power of your love. You are being toxic af to yourself here.

    If you want a healthy relationship, then seek out men who are healthy, available and treat you with respect, take you out on dates, not chatter online, do as they promise when they promise, make you feel safe. This guy is none of that. Raise your standards for crying out loud.

  2. #22
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    278
    You sound like a sensitive and a really wonderful woman. First and foremost...how many times have you actually met in person?
    How old are you both, if I may ?
    As others so rightly said, this is a fantasy situationship. He may actually be married and just kills time with you. He may have a partner and enjoys chit chat or deeper debates.
    Been there, done it....it's sour when you realise, person you opened to, does not even exist.
    Glad you didn't send the message. He doesn't deserve your warmth and love. He didn't invest any time in this....or did he ?
    As you were advised, if after two weeks,man does not show interest in a meeting, he clearly has an agenda.
    Don't open yourself to someone you met online...you will feel so exposed after. I know you are feeling like you know him, like you have a special bond. If that would be the case, don't you think this man would crave your company ? To see you, to touch you ? To be around you?
    Please ,please don't make excuses for him. Yes, we all have our past and anxieties. However, I am certain if this man would be interested and invested like you are, you wouldn't have to type this message today.
    I am sorry this is happening to you as you really sound very special.

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    15
    Originally Posted by irka000
    You sound like a sensitive and a really wonderful woman.
    Thank you very much.

    Originally Posted by irka000
    First and foremost...how many times have you actually met in person?
    Not enough.


    Originally Posted by irka000
    How old are you both, if I may ?
    I'm 40 and he's significantly younger. I'm certainly old enough to know better than to be in this situation.

    As others so rightly said, this is a fantasy situationship. He may actually be married and just kills time with you. He may have a partner and enjoys chit chat or deeper debates.
    Been there, done it....it's sour when you realise, person you opened to, does not even exist.
    Glad you didn't send the message. He doesn't deserve your warmth and love. He didn't invest any time in this....or did he ?
    As you were advised, if after two weeks,man does not show interest in a meeting, he clearly has an agenda.
    Don't open yourself to someone you met online...you will feel so exposed after. I know you are feeling like you know him, like you have a special bond. If that would be the case, don't you think this man would crave your company ? To see you, to touch you ? To be around you?
    Please ,please don't make excuses for him. Yes, we all have our past and anxieties. However, I am certain if this man would be interested and invested like you are, you wouldn't have to type this message today.
    I am sorry this is happening to you as you really sound very special.[/QUOTE]

    I suppose he could be married to someone in a completely different geographical location, but I don't think so. I know he doesn't have anyone living with him--I've been to his home and there's nothing feminine there.

    Today I sent a quick/brief message to him saying, "Okay, big guy, this isn't going anywhere, so I'm moving on. I truly wish you all the best." No response--as I expected, and that's perfectly fine. I don't need one. I can almost guarantee you, though, that in less than two weeks he'll send a random message to me as though nothing happened--classic XXXX.

    Thanks again for the feedback, y'all.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,962
    Gender
    Male
    Ok this sounds like fun and in the moment and a nice reentry into dating. As long as it's viewed as such you'll be fine. Think of him as training wheels for real dating.

    However if he wants casual and you want a relationship you may get hurt or at very best be wasting some time.
    Originally Posted by Whillow
    I'm 40 and he's significantly younger. Today I sent a quick/brief message to him saying, "Okay, big guy, this isn't going anywhere, so I'm moving on. I truly wish you all the best."

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,935
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Think of him as training wheels for real dating.
    Agreed.

    Sounds like you really, really like the idea of what or who he could be far more than you actually like him. When you're more open to genuine connection and someone who exceeds the limits of your own imagination, the potential of someone, and what kind of notes can be sent to slyly extract it, will be much less interesting than finding someone who naturally meets you on your level, without all the swordplay.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,702
    Gender
    Female
    Asking him where the two of you stand and telling him you are moving on. . is a little much from someone who isn't even dating him.

    And I am pretty sure he already knows how you feel about him.

    Sorry, I don't mean to be so blunt.

    But it seems you have a handle on it. Sorry it didn't work out the way you wanting it to.

  8. #27
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    278
    I agree, he will contact you in his own time and act like all is good.
    Then you need to ignore it. Two things can happen
    He will finally get motivated and actually start getting involved or he will be gone.
    Sadly I think if it has been so long and not much yet happened...than I am afraid I would not hope for much more. He may get motivated to have intimate moment with you.
    I don't want to make you feel bad but the fact that he doesn't even rush to being intimate suggests he is with someone.
    This may sound very dramatic but are you sure you were actually in his place and not some friend of his ?
    To me this feels so weird , you have a great connection, yet he doesn't take this any further.
    You will be fine. You will meet someone where you won't have to wonder.

  9. #28
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    15
    Originally Posted by irka000
    I don't want to make you feel bad but the fact that he doesn't even rush to being intimate suggests he is with someone.
    True. I don't think he's living with someone, but it does seem to suggest potentially a lot of things. If he's with someone else, he's still not getting all of what he needs from the relationship because he's still talking to me (at the very least and who knows how many others). If he's not with someone else, since he's not solely pursuing me (or pursuing me much at all), then he's playing the field. Like I said before, he's single and quite obviously allowed to do whatever he wants, I just don't have to subject myself to it. Much further than that, I don't care to put any more time into thinking about it, because it would all be conjecture to what end? I've obviously done some projecting of things onto him, so I'm going to learn from it, put it behind me and continue to focus on meeting my own needs.

    Originally Posted by irka000
    This may sound very dramatic but are you sure you were actually in his place and not some friend of his ?
    Yes, I'm sure it's his place. He's been sending me photos of different things in his home for the past just over a year, and everything in the photos was in the home when I've been there.

  10. #29
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    278
    Did he respond to your message, if you don't mind me asking?

  11. #30
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    15
    Not a word.

Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •