Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 45

Thread: Is this going somewhere?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,975
    Did he respond to your dinner invitation?

    If he's at all into sports he's watching the Super Bowl. I'm posting during commercials and play setups lol.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    15
    He has not responded, but he's big into sports, so I'm sure he's watching at some buds from work.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,901
    Gender
    Female
    Yes, you need a refresher course on dating, since you're out of practice. If a guy you're chatting with doesn't ask you out within 2 weeks, cut the loser loose. You don't need a pen pal. You should have moved on two weeks after you arrived back to town and all he wanted to do was chat for 2 months. And you're not in love. You have a crush. Love takes a while to grow, spending a lot of physical time together over a period of a good year. When the majority of your relationship is online, it's a huge fantasy. And never go to a guy's home, or have him over, until you're ready to be intimate. There are many women who regret moving too fast in that area, but they usually don't regret waiting a bit to try to gauge if a guy really wants to get to know her besides the goal of having sex. If a guy is patient in that area, he's more likely to be longterm material than an impatient guy who wants to lure you to the privacy of his home because he knows the chemistry is wild and willpower will lessen there.

    And you need to learn the difference between minor flaws and dealbreakers. Many women are nurturers, sometimes to their own detriment, and there are guys out there who have a rescuing mentality. You've already had one failed relationship. Don't you want the next one to succeed? Then stop feeling like everyone deserves love and even if they're broken, you'll be patient because they are sexy and intelligent. If I were you, I'd start reading books and articles on successful dating practices. You've already wasted more than a year on Mr. Nowhere Man. Hopefully, you'll learn from this experience so that you'll date smarter in the future.

    That message you were going to send him? Never necessary when you're dating the right man. With the right man, you'd be seeing him several times a week, and building a beautiful life with him. If you feel like you have to write notes about not knowing what the hell he's doing in his life, if he's playing tonsil hockey with other beauties, and you're sorta wondering where you stand in all of this and does he need a push because you're about to bail, isn't the answer already clear to you that he's just not that into you? And how can you be in love with a man when you have no idea what he does in his daily life?

    Take a break from dating until you make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list and stick to it. I don't think your self esteem is as it should be, or you wouldn't be settling for breadcrumbs from an acquaintance.

    It's the beginning of 2020, so think of it as a new beginning where you can create a new life for yourself with someone who actually deserves you. Good luck.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,451
    14 months is a long time to still be wondering. If you feel like things aren't where you'd like, need or want them to be by now, then they're not going to be. You've invested enough time and emotion into a situation that isn't giving you what you need. I'd say it's time to move on.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    109
    Gender
    Female
    I also think you should move on. However, I'd like to know if and how he has responded to your message.

  7. #16
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    936
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Whillow
    ninjabib, you were suggesting to tell him I'm moving on, you mean come out and tell him that? I'm all about closure, so I guess I would be telling him that so that he wouldn't continue to message me? Like, "So, I really like you, but since we haven't progressed, I'm going to be dating other people and moving on. Wish you all the best!"?

    Thanks again!
    If he rejects your offer of a serious date then yes I would say I'm just moving on. Its not meant to be as an ultimatum or emotional blackmail but it's a mature way of not ghosting someone. Just letting them know no hard feelings but this friendship isnt doing anything for me

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    15
    It's 0900 the day after the Super Bowl, so he's probably sleeping off the night last night, but if I held a place of value at all, I think he would have responded to me in some way by now. Thanks for the assisted wake-up call. I've been making consolations for people my whole life, and while I've made progress myself, there's still some work to do. Time to get that refresher on dating and read some books on healthy boundaries.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,962
    Gender
    Male
    Ok since this is on/off long/short distance and not committed this is casual dating, meaning it's not going anywhere but fun in the moment. Nothing wrong with that but you need to decide if the man you think you are in love with dating others is ok with you.

    You need to be crystal clear and do what's best for you. Don't make excuses. "Commitmentphobia" is an invented myth to rationalize over-investing in someone who is just having fun coasting along casually.
    Originally Posted by Whillow
    My last relationship ended two years ago, but it was 15 years long. I'm very out of practice with dating, but thanks for the reality check of having left my self-respect at the door.

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    15
    I meant to say concessions... not consolations.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,901
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Whillow
    It's 0900 the day after the Super Bowl, so he's probably sleeping off the night last night, but if I held a place of value at all, I think he would have responded to me in some way by now. Thanks for the assisted wake-up call. I've been making consolations for people my whole life, and while I've made progress myself, there's still some work to do. Time to get that refresher on dating and read some books on healthy boundaries.
    Good for you. I made plenty of dating mistakes myself after my first marriage ended. I kept sifting through the sand before I finally found the treasure. Made me appreciate, that much more, the man who would become my husband. I wish you luck and a happy 2020.

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •