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Thread: Ex contacted me and offered help

  1. #1
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    Ex contacted me and offered help

    My dad was nearly dying when my bf decided it's best to end things between us. I was gutted but agreed with him.
    Few weeks forward ex asked me randomly how was my dad. I only responded that dad passed away. He said how sorry he is and if I need anything at all,he is there for me. I only thanked him. Day later another text asking how I am feeling and if there is anything he can do ?
    Is he trying to feel better for doing such noble thing ?
    What is the point? What did he expect me to say ?
    When I needed him, he chosen to go a for a drink with his friends. Now I don't him.
    I am considering not to reply at all. Leave him be. But he may think I am just devastated about my dad' death. True is, yes I am but I am also angry with him. For leaving me at my lowest.
    I can't be friends with him. So I am trying to work it out what to say but without coming across as bitter.
    I think he feels bad now about breaking up at such hard time. Maybe that's why he tries to offer his help.
    I recall checking if my dad is still breathing while he was telling me over the phone ,after I offered apologies , that it's best to leave it.

  2. #2
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    "Thanks so much for your thoughtful offers and for checking in. I'm doing ok and I don't think it's a good idea for us to be in contact at this time. Take care and all the best to you and your family."

  3. #3
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    The ex is feeling guilty for what he did, time to say goodbye

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do nothing. Focus on yourself, friends and family. This is not a time to bother with him one way or another. Simply let it all go unanswered, no need for a 'we can't be friends' talk. Why unearth all that now?
    Originally Posted by irka000
    When I needed him, he chosen to go a for a drink with his friends. Now I don't. I am considering not to reply at all.

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  6. #5
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    It sounds to me like the relationship was ending anyway and it would have been unfair of your ex to continue it for an unknown time until your dad passed away which by the sounds of it was inevitable and then what? End it at another untimely point? Or continue until it wasnít?

    Your bf didnít choose to leave you at a low point. The relationship demise just happened to coincide with a low point.

    He is not offering support out of guilt , he has nothing to feel guilty about , he is simply being nice but you can simply thank him and decline his offer and say you have friends and family for support and leave it at that.

    Iím very sorry for your loss.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Feeling guilty for ending it when you were losing your father? Oh hell ya, and who wouldn't? If he had any kind of empathy he does feel bad. But even when a relationship has ran it's course, doesn't mean the caring stops too. He feels bad, but he also feels bad for you. I get it you owe him nothing, but it's still ok to decline anymore contact from him with grace and dignity.

    My condolences to you and your family at this time. Stay strong. So Sorry for your loss.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    "Thanks so much for your thoughtful offers and for checking in. I'm doing ok and I don't think it's a good idea for us to be in contact at this time. Take care and all the best to you and your family."
    This is all that is needed.

  9. #8
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    Thank you All. My dad was getting worse so I needed to travel home. I asked bf to spend last weekend with me as I knew I won't see him for over a month.
    I asked to consider this while making plans for xmass drinks with friends. He didn't like that. He chosen to see his friend for a drink on Friday and on Saturday he had xmass lunch and informed me he may be tired after when I suggested getting together after his gathering. He offered Sunday and I said I was busy as I need to pack. True is, I was mad he didn't reschedule drinks with his friend that he could see anytime. I was going for over a month and knew I won't spend any of the festive days with him as planned.
    I was angry and we had massive fight. I needed to spend time with him and yes I was needy. When if not during hard time like this.
    3 days after the fight I called to apologise for being selfish and hard to deal with. He said it would be best to end it. So we broke up.
    He was heartless and cold.
    So this offer now does not seem very sincere and it's is actually pointless
    Last edited by irka000; 12-21-2019 at 09:23 AM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    His actions before you left showed you were not a priority to him. You were not being selfish. You began to argue because you were upset about his lack of caring, and being hurt often translates to anger. That reminds me of a bf I had for a year, who showed me time and again I wasn't a priority, but apparently my self esteem was so low at the time I kept hoping the relationship would return to the wonderful honeymoon days instead of pulling the plug on a horrible relationship, and he ended up breaking up with me, just as your man did.

    Back then, I didn't have a block function on my phone, and my ex contacted me four months later, setting my closure on him back to square one, even though I was a stronger person by that time, and was able to quickly shut down whatever goal he had by contacting me.

    It's up to you whether you give him any reply or not. Regardless, I think you should then block and delete his number to prevent him from intruding on your life when you're trying to heal and move on.

    I'm sorry for your father's passing. Take care.

  11. #10
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    So this offer now does not seem very sincere and it's is actually pointless
    This is your answer. ^^^

    He has shown you that when the going gets tough, he will bail. And you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders--that you are a person that when someone shows you who they are, you believe them. I think that whether you contact him to say "no thanks, good luck to you" or just ignore him, either way you will get your point across.

    My condolences on the loss of your father.
    Last edited by waffle; 12-21-2019 at 11:34 AM. Reason: typo

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