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Thread: After Divorce: Cold Feet or Not Ready?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Since you've spent such a big portion of your formative years being 1/2 of a couple, I think you need to actually embrace that sense of satisfaction you are feeling living alone and really explore that. As blue pointed out, it's not so much about single v couple, but rather learning who you are as a man, as an adult, living on your own. Incorporating a new partner into that life will come more naturally down the road, when you've found your feet, comfort within yourself, your new life and have fully divorced. You should never be out looking to date just because "other outside forces" say that you should. Only you know what is best for you.

    As for socializing, it sounds like you aren't quite as introverted as you tell yourself. Reason I say that is that you are seeking actively more friendships and connections than you currently have. I think going forward you'll end up surprising yourself with discovering that you might be much more well rounded than you give yourself credit for. Meanwhile, rather than trying to make friends on dating apps, check out meetup.com in your area. Usually you can find various hobby groups, social groups and so on. It's the sort of thing where you can go as you please, no real obligations and you are liable to run into people you click with where you can pursue deeper friendships mutually so.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I just wanted to add, that having you over for dinner can be considered a little soon for most. It's often a more intimate situation and if you are still trying to get your balance, I don't blame you for trying to change it up with something much more casual.

    It may not mean you aren't ready to date. You just need to do so at a pace that feels comfortable for you. I would have declined going to someone's home so soon myself.

    Just something to consider. Just because you didn't want to go to her home doesn't mean you aren't ready to date. . on your terms.

    And keep a mind a date is just that. It's not a marriage proposal. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

    If you are out of practice, the only way to get comfortable is -with some practice.

  3. #13
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    Focus on who you are as a divorced parent before you start dating. catch up with friends who went by the wayside. Date AFTER you are divorced. You don't feel ready. so don't. go out with activity partners. if you join a hiking group, you might meet someone for friends only for now based on common interests. But who you meet while married is going to be different who you meet when you have been through some healing. You will be much better off developing yourself as a person instead of trying to fill up your non-custody days with women because you miss someone being at the house with you. It will come at the right time

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Some people will date married/separated people, some won't. As long as you are forthcoming. Why not join some groups and clubs and volunteer to assuage some of your loneliness? This way the pressure of dating apps and women who will reject married guys won't be a situation to contend with. The two strikes against you are still being married and "looking for casual".

    I agree. and if you go from "married and looking for casual", and change your status to divorced and dating -- women may think you are a liar who is looking for something on the side. But if you come in fresh when you are actually divorced and are actually ready to meet someone, you will have better luck. I remember i was looking on a site and saw the same guys- with what they were looking for constantly adjusted. I doubted if they were sincere.

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