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Thread: Long distance break-up?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2019
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    Long distance break-up?

    My boyfriend and I have been going out for coming up to 4 years. We were in a long distance relationship (UK-France) a couple of years ago and now we are in the same situation, though I'm wondering whether we've grown apart. He's still lovely and supportive, and I trust him completely; however there are several things that are making me unhappy. I'm not sure if I'm just asking too much?

    1) He never makes the effort to come and visit me, whereas I go to visit him every month. I don't think he has malicious intentions but just likes to spend time alone in his room gaming etc. We have also never been together for NYE so this year I gave him enough notice and proposed that we spend it together. He said "there are so many parties going on at NYE"... enough said. I expressed my disappointment and he apologised and bought me flowers. He now keeps saying "oh, I should get on that or you're going to leave me for someone else", but then he never really does organise anything nice for us to do...

    2) When we are together, we are rarely intimate. I don't know how much of this is just being out of the honeymoon period.

    3) I have never been with anyone else and wonder if I'm missing out. I find it hard to think that I could just be with one person forever, without having had any other experiences. I have no baseline as to what is normal or not...

    4) I am going to do a postgrad course back in the UK in the autumn. It's not in the same city as him, but still not too far away. I'm not sure if it will last the distance and I don't know if I'll meet someone new. He is still only halfway through a medical course, so I see him less and less as his course gets more demanding.

    Anyone who I have spoken to about this has just said that I'll know if I meet someone else, but it is hard to meet other people if you're not openly single. Please let me know what your thoughts are as I am feeling very lost. Thank you in advance!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    People make an effort when something's important to them.

    The amount of effort he puts in equals how important you and the relationship are to him.

    And he honestly thought buying you flowers would make up for not seeing you on NYE? Like, you were supposed to go out to dinner with the flowers and kiss them at midnight or something?

    Also, he seems awfully nonchalant about you meeting someone else. Would he care or would he be relieved???

    I would stop going to him and see if he makes an effort to see you. If he doesn't, there's your answer.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Your point #3. I do think you are missing out on a lot as this guy does not seem all that interested in you. What's going on between him and you is not normal in general but typical in an LDR. They are so hard to maintain and generally dont work. I think you've outgrown him and should really think about moving on.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are missing out.

    My advice remains the same: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by oli123
    My boyfriend and I have been going out for coming up to 4 years.
    2) When we are together, we are rarely intimate. I don't know how much of this is just being out of the honeymoon period.
    3) I have never been with anyone else and wonder if I'm missing out.

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