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Thread: Hes going to Vegas on our anniversary...

  1. #1

    Hes going to Vegas on our anniversary...

    Hey everyone looking for an outside perspective (the only one I've had so far is from his parents and they are firmly team him)

    Basically my boyfriend came to my after Christmas and said I've been invited to go to Vegas. I'm a really anxious person and said basically I wish he wouldn't, he rarely has time for me and I didn't think it was OK that he could make time to go to Vegas for 6 days yet he rarely sees me.

    We got in a huge argument, and whilst having a cooling off period he told his friends he was going and paid for the trip. He told me after we were speaking again. He then following that with it was supposed to be the first week of march... But something happened with the flights so they rebooked it for the 3rd week of march leaving before and being away for our 2nd anniversary.

    I'm really upset and annoyed. He says he's sorry and its not his fault. I asked him if it had have been intended to be in that period would he have booked it and he says no. But doesn't now see the need to cancel it because it goes into that period.

    Apparently he's taking me for dinner two nights before, a quick one because he has to get home to pack and sleep as they leave the following day very early to get the flight. I can't stay over as it would involve me having to get up at 4am. He says it's cool we have the weekend after. But the weekend after isn't our anniversary.

    Am I being totally irrational here? I feel like I explain why I'm sad and he shrugs his shoulders and says well I can't change it.

    It's extremely frustrating as if the roles were reversed I'd have cancelled as soon as I knew it had happened.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    "It's extremely frustrating as if the roles were reversed I'd have cancelled as soon as I knew it had happened. "

    But he's not you. He apparently doesn't see a dating anniversary as an important date like you do. He seems to think as long as something's done near that date, it's close enough.

    How frequently do you two see one another? Do you spend one on one time or is it always in a group setting?

  3. #3
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    I would let this one go - you can celebrate before and after. It's not his fault you are such an anxious person and he can empathize but not let it control his life. It's only 6 days. Let him enjoy himself -and you do something fun, too, ok?

  4. #4
    Nope your right he's not me.

    He's busy Monday nights, and Wednesday nights with hobbies. Usually tired from work both Tuesday and Thursdays so generally the weekend is available unless he's with his friends. I'm always invited and sometimes go, he knows I'd like more alone time. But when I say so his reply is generally Monday and Wednesdays and the only things I do for myself and then I end up feeling like a terrible person for saying it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    We got in a huge argument, and whilst having a cooling off period he told his friends he was going and paid for the trip. He told me after we were speaking again. He then following that with it was supposed to be the first week of march... But something happened with the flights so they rebooked it for the 3rd week of march leaving before and being away for our 2nd anniversary.
    I'm sorry, but you're being a snowflake about this and you making such a big deal out of it is a great way for him to think "why be with someone that makes me feel guilty for doing something I want to do that doesn't affect the relationship?

    Its not like he's going away for six months. He IS taking you out for dinner before he goes and he will likely take you out when he gets back so don't let your unnecessary hurt feelings cause a real crack in your emotional connection. Wish him fun, tell him to be good and not do anything you wouldn't do, to call you and let you know that he landed safely and then go have fun with your girlfriends and be a mature girlfriend.

    It's not like he's missing your exact date to go to something nefarious or that SHOULD affect your relationship in general.

    Book your own vacation to somewhere fun with a couple of girlfriends and try not to fret so much. You'll hopefully have many other anniversaries that you'll be able to celebrate. Perhaps at a destination you can go to together.

    Originally Posted by You4me2020
    Nope your right he's not me.

    He's busy Monday nights, and Wednesday nights with hobbies. Usually tired from work both Tuesday and Thursdays so generally the weekend is available unless he's with his friends. I'm always invited and sometimes go, he knows I'd like more alone time. But when I say so his reply is generally Monday and Wednesdays and the only things I do for myself and then I end up feeling like a terrible person for saying it.
    After reading that I'm wondering why you stay with him if you're so not jiggy with the dynamic.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by You4me2020
    Nope your right he's not me.

    He's busy Monday nights, and Wednesday nights with hobbies. Usually tired from work both Tuesday and Thursdays so generally the weekend is available unless he's with his friends. I'm always invited and sometimes go, he knows I'd like more alone time. But when I say so his reply is generally Monday and Wednesdays and the only things I do for myself and then I end up feeling like a terrible person for saying it.
    So you two hang out with his friends and are calling that a relationship? What about dates? One on one time? Weekend getaways? Dinners out, films, trips to museums or art galleries? Even coffee at a coffee house? Anything?

    Does he call you his girlfriend in front of his friends?

    What are you calling an "anniversary"? Your first date? The date he asked you to be his exclusive girlfriend?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by You4me2020
    Nope your right he's not me.

    He's busy Monday nights, and Wednesday nights with hobbies. Usually tired from work both Tuesday and Thursdays so generally the weekend is available unless he's with his friends. I'm always invited and sometimes go, he knows I'd like more alone time. But when I say so his reply is generally Monday and Wednesdays and the only things I do for myself and then I end up feeling like a terrible person for saying it.
    And what are you busy with those evenings? And yes being at home and reading or enjoying a show or cleaning is busy too. You don't have to be a social butterfly. I do think if you were busier pursuing things you like to do you wouldn't notice it as much. What are his hobbies? Can you ever join in? Can you hang out and just chill on a Tuesday or Thursday?

  9. #8
    I love him is the simple fact, and I'm hopeful that we will have an awesome life together.

    He's not perfect no one is, I often feel neglected, but like I said when I say so he makes me feel bad and irrational for feeling irrelevant.

    Then when things like this arise I feel even more irrelevant.

    I'm a busy lady and have waaaay more responsibilities than be does and I make time. But he feels like his time is his and I have to fit. The flip side is I break it off and then I'm gutted without him.

    Love can be such a horrible thing sometimes.

  10. #9
    We used to do alot of going away, date nights doing various things alone. With his friends, mine. Everyone knows I am his girlfriend, I don't think he's sneaking around I think he's just become relationship lazy. I have called him out on it he's apparently working on it.

    Our anniversary is the day we became an exclusive couple. He made a huge fuss over the 1st one. The second doesn't seem to matter. I don't even want dinner or date night. I simply asked for time.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Should you be upset he's going away on your anniversary? sure, anyone would be but there is something that has been staring you in the face....the fact that you two are incompatible. TBH I don't think he values your relationship all that much, and after almost 2 years, this is what you get......maybe it's time to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. I don't think you are getting what you need out of it. Like I always say, you date those who treat you the want you want to be treated. Is this OK with you? no, and I'm sure there have been other times things have not sat well with you.

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