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Thread: Hes going to Vegas on our anniversary...

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by You4me2020
    I love him is the simple fact, and I'm hopeful that we will have an awesome life together.

    He's not perfect no one is, I often feel neglected, but like I said when I say so he makes me feel bad and irrational for feeling irrelevant.

    Then when things like this arise I feel even more irrelevant.

    I'm a busy lady and have waaaay more responsibilities than be does and I make time. But he feels like his time is his and I have to fit. The flip side is I break it off and then I'm gutted without him.

    Love can be such a horrible thing sometimes.
    As you well know love is not enough. So if you are so busy why do you care - doesn't that mean you wouldn't be able to see him Mon-Thurs? Also how do you define busy? Again I wouldn't indulge in the whole "but I love him" because loving is giving. You didn't want to give him the space and air to go to Vegas, you complain to him about feeling neglected and he reacts in an unsympathetic way -but you stay -so that action means you are willing to tolerate it. What's he supposed to do? You complain but you stay.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You'd only be "gutted" for a short while, when you realize how unimportant he's making you and this pseudo relationship.

    If you want a relationship where a man prioritizes you and makes you feel loved, secure and important to him...this is not it.

    Do you want to keep holding on and give up the chance to find that wonderful relationship?

    You can't date or hug or kiss "hope".

  3. #13
    I'm extremely busy, I see friends, I go to the gym, movies, read. I also have 2 children with special needs who I take alot of time with. But I somehow fit around him. He has no kids, a job, lives at home (his parents are amazing, he's almost saved for a house but it's never been an issue)

    I personally can hang out on a Tuesday and Thursday. But he wants to eat bath and sleep

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If your normal relationship was fine, this trip thing would be a non-issue. If you're not happy with the amount of time you spend with your bf and you've already tried to communicate this without any change, why not admit you two aren't compatible? He's okay with little time spent with you. You'd rather spend more time with a bf. When you're dissatisfied the majority of the time, it means the relationship isn't right for you. Perhaps see this as a watershed moment, cueing you in that you should probably break it off in order to find someone who is right for you.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by You4me2020
    I'm extremely busy, I see friends, I go to the gym, movies, read. I also have 2 children with special needs who I take alot of time with. But I somehow fit around him. He has no kids, a job, lives at home (his parents are amazing, he's almost saved for a house but it's never been an issue)

    I personally can hang out on a Tuesday and Thursday. But he wants to eat bath and sleep
    So what exactly would you be giving up? Feeling inadequate, irrelevant to him and ignored? Being treated like an annoyance?

    Please, you know you can do better than this.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I'm still curious to know what this "anniversary" is celebrating.

  8. #17
    Think I mentioned in another comment but incase I didn't since there has been several replies since then it's our 2nd anniversary of being a couple.

  9. #18
    Thanks everyone for your input and I agree. There have definitely been issues, and communication and lacking of time and care are definitely some of those.

    I think my mindset is, well he's not cheating on me, and he doesn't to my knowledge lie to me so maybe I'm the problem.

    When in actual fact I think it's Increased my anxiety and basically makes me feel like a crazy person for wanting those things that I should be getting already.

    Definitely food for thought

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by You4me2020
    Thanks everyone for your input and I agree. There have definitely been issues, and communication and lacking of time and care are definitely some of those.

    I think my mindset is, well he's not cheating on me, and he doesn't to my knowledge lie to me so maybe I'm the problem.

    When in actual fact I think it's Increased my anxiety and basically makes me feel like a crazy person for wanting those things that I should be getting already.

    Definitely food for thought
    So yes you have to separate whether you'd be this anxious with anyone -whether this is because of your anxiety issues -or whether your anxiety is simply because you're not with someone who's a good match for you -he's content to see you on the weekends only. You are not.

    I also wouldn't indulge in the broad categories of "communication" and "lacking of time and care" - force yourself to get really specific, for yourself about where the gap is between your expectations and what he actually does. I was very upset with my husband last night for what fell into two of these categories last night because of a situation that arose with our son's behavior at bedtime. I was very specific with him about telling him exactly how I felt from his reactions and why it fell short of my expectations. I felt better letting it out in that way rather than going all drama queen with "we have communication issues" or "you don't care about me!!!" So with Vegas you told him exactly what your issue was. Make it about you "I feel hurt when you say you are too tired on Tuesdays and Thursdays to hang out with me even for a little while."

    I really hope you didn't want him to cancel a vacation to Vegas with his friends because it happens to be the anniversary of when you became exclusive? Imagine being at a romantic restaurant on a weekend night while he is getting texts from his friends about the trip -which he'll look at later -do you really think he'd be present with you and happy to be with you in that situation? Why because "love conquers all?"
    On New Year's Eve -two months before I gave birth - and about a couple of weeks into our marriage. - I told my husband to go meet his friends for dinner and try to be home for midnight to ring in the new year. My huge tired belly just couldn't stomach going out in the cold. His friends called to say they were at a restaurant nearby having dinner. He should stay home with his pregnant wife just because it's New Year's Eve? I think he did get home for midnight but here's the takeaway - I don't distinctly remember that, I remember making myself urge him to go out with his friends even though he "should" want to be home with his pregnant wife. Because that's what it's about - not the "wanting those things I should be getting already" but giving of yourself not to the point of martyrdom or resentment but because you know giving your loved one space is a very thoughtful thing to do (and you know absence makes the heart grow fonder, too).

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Have you heard about Peter Pan Syndrome? While you do the heavy lifting he will coast along.
    Originally Posted by You4me2020
    I'm extremely busy, I see friends, I go to the gym, movies, read. I also have 2 children with special needs who I take alot of time with. But I somehow fit around him. He has no kids, a job, lives at home (his parents are amazing, he's almost saved for a house but it's never been an issue)

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