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Thread: Am I looking too far into what my FWB said?

  1. #1

    Am I looking too far into what my FWB said?

    Idk of this is the right place to write this, but any advice is welcome!

    For the sake of accidentally writing a novel, I have been fwb with this guy for about a year now. It started to get a little more intimate in my opinion, and he even once used the word dating when referring to us. Mind you, we weren’t hanging out that often- maybe like 2-3 a month? So, me being kind of an idiot, I told him I liked him because I truthfully did, and he just said the “you’re cool, but I’m not ready for commitment”.

    That was in October, and I haven’t seen him since. Earlier this month, her texted me out of nowhere and just said “hey!” So I didn’t respond cause I was over it. But then he texted me “hey!” Again, and me having no self-control, I texted him back but told him I wasn’t able to hang out. He then texted me again (this is all within 1 week) and I finally agreed to see him.

    It was truly like we never had time apart, and it was a lot of fun. I finally felt like I could just see him without freaking out or “getting in my feels”. EXCEPT- he asked if I have slept with anyone else, and then told me he hasn’t slept with anyone else.

    I don’t think he’s lying to me, but I’m just confused as as to why he hasn’t slept with anyone else?? Am I looking too far into this???

  2. #2
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    Yes. He is looking for sex. If you are looking for a bf, this is not the guy. Don't waste another precious year of your life.

  3. #3
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    I don't understand what he said that would make you think that anything was different? He did not ask you to be his gf, he simply said he hadn't slept with anyone else.

    I hope you have been using condoms? If not, get tested.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-31-2020 at 11:34 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    He's probably hoping you won't insist on condoms.

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  6. #5
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    Yes, you are reading too much into this.

    He wants sex. You have no clue if he's being honest about not having sex with anyone else, but my guess is that his ego enjoys the fact that you haven't.

    If you want a boyfriend, this isn't your guy.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Sounds manipulative.

    If he hadnt done that I'd say this was all on you because when you told him how you felt he was honest.

    But dropping that crumb, ummm ew.

    Don’t fall for it.

  8. #7
    Shoot. Too late for that... thanks for explaining it to me, though. I guess I was just looking too far into the fact that he hasnÂ’t slept with anyone else (or so I know), because when I knew him before, he slept with multiple people at the same time. But YouÂ’re probably right and I should probably not text him back again

  9. #8
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    The reason he contacted you after 3 months of silence is BECAUSE he hadn’t slept with anyone since and wanted to break a dry spell.
    His questioning about whether you had sex with anyone else and disclosing he hadn’t was about sexual health only.

    A guy that’s interested does not text after 3 months simply saying “hey”
    He would text with an offer of a date.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Of course at some level you realize he's saying 'you're ok for sex but not as a gf'. He texts 'Hey' if he wants sex and you think this ok? Don't be anyone's blowup doll at their beck and call for sex.

    You can do much better than this guy. Delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps and all your social media. Get tested for STDs you have no idea where he's been or with whom. The sooner you get rid of him the sooner you can start talking to and dating guys who want a relationship.
    Originally Posted by brockleesoup
    I told him I liked him because I truthfully did, and he just said the “you’re cool, but I’m not ready for commitment”. her texted me out of nowhere and just said “hey!” So I didn’t respond cause I was over it. But then he texted me “hey!”

  11. #10
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    So picture this -your friend tells you excitedly - I think Steve wants me to be his girlfriend!!!!" You wait to hear why she thinks so. She is beaming!

    She says "OMG it was soooo sweet and romantic - we hadn't seen each other for awhile because he blew me off but obviously it's because he missed me soooo much and was so worried I wouldn't feel the same. So he told me with this knowing look right before we were about to have sex that in all this time -- four months!!! - he hasn't slept with anyone else!!" OMG he was waiting for me right??? He couldn't have sex because he was so scared to call me and was waiting to get up the nerve to call me and ask me to hang out and hook up - I mean he texted me twice -totally chasing me you know?? At our engagement party I hope he tells the story of how he told me while we were naked that he'd abstained from sex for four months and knew I would know that it meant he wanted me, only me......"

    When a person wants to date you and sees serious potential, he/she wants to make sure you are not snapped up by someone else -so even if that person mistakenly sets things up like a hang out and hook up - he/she makes up for it by telling you simply and directly he wants a serious relationship and to properly date you - wants to "start over"

    I'm not sure what you meant by FWB -do you mean that you two were good friends? If so why not ask him what he meant -or you're just using it as shorthand for the sexual arrangement you had in the past when he told you he didn't want to date you?

    Yes please stop wasting your time.

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