Am I looking too far into what my FWB said?

Idk of this is the right place to write this, but any advice is welcome!

 

For the sake of accidentally writing a novel, I have been fwb with this guy for about a year now. It started to get a little more intimate in my opinion, and he even once used the word dating when referring to us. Mind you, we weren’t hanging out that often- maybe like 2-3 a month? So, me being kind of an idiot, I told him I liked him because I truthfully did, and he just said the “you’re cool, but I’m not ready for commitment”.

 

That was in October, and I haven’t seen him since. Earlier this month, her texted me out of nowhere and just said “hey!” So I didn’t respond cause I was over it. But then he texted me “hey!” Again, and me having no self-control, I texted him back but told him I wasn’t able to hang out. He then texted me again (this is all within 1 week) and I finally agreed to see him.

 

It was truly like we never had time apart, and it was a lot of fun. I finally felt like I could just see him without freaking out or “getting in my feels”. EXCEPT- he asked if I have slept with anyone else, and then told me he hasn’t slept with anyone else.

 

I don’t think he’s lying to me, but I’m just confused as as to why he hasn’t slept with anyone else?? Am I looking too far into this???

Yes. He is looking for sex. If you are looking for a bf, this is not the guy. Don't waste another precious year of your life.

I don't understand what he said that would make you think that anything was different? He did not ask you to be his gf, he simply said he hadn't slept with anyone else.

 

I hope you have been using condoms? If not, get tested.

He's probably hoping you won't insist on condoms.

Yes, you are reading too much into this.

 

He wants sex. You have no clue if he's being honest about not having sex with anyone else, but my guess is that his ego enjoys the fact that you haven't.

 

If you want a boyfriend, this isn't your guy.

Sounds manipulative.

 

If he hadnt done that I'd say this was all on you because when you told him how you felt he was honest.

 

But dropping that crumb, ummm ew.

 

Don’t fall for it.

Shoot. Too late for that... thanks for explaining it to me, though. I guess I was just looking too far into the fact that he hasnÂ’t slept with anyone else (or so I know), because when I knew him before, he slept with multiple people at the same time. But YouÂ’re probably right and I should probably not text him back again

The reason he contacted you after 3 months of silence is BECAUSE he hadn’t slept with anyone since and wanted to break a dry spell.

His questioning about whether you had sex with anyone else and disclosing he hadn’t was about sexual health only.

 

A guy that’s interested does not text after 3 months simply saying “hey”

He would text with an offer of a date.

Sorry to hear this. Of course at some level you realize he's saying 'you're ok for sex but not as a gf'. He texts 'Hey' if he wants sex and you think this ok? Don't be anyone's blowup doll at their beck and call for sex.

 

You can do much better than this guy. Delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps and all your social media. Get tested for STDs you have no idea where he's been or with whom. The sooner you get rid of him the sooner you can start talking to and dating guys who want a relationship.

I told him I liked him because I truthfully did, and he just said the “you’re cool, but I’m not ready for commitment”. her texted me out of nowhere and just said “hey!” So I didn’t respond cause I was over it. But then he texted me “hey!”

So picture this -your friend tells you excitedly - I think Steve wants me to be his girlfriend!!!!" You wait to hear why she thinks so. She is beaming!

 

She says "OMG it was soooo sweet and romantic - we hadn't seen each other for awhile because he blew me off but obviously it's because he missed me soooo much and was so worried I wouldn't feel the same. So he told me with this knowing look right before we were about to have sex that in all this time -- four months!!! - he hasn't slept with anyone else!!" OMG he was waiting for me right??? He couldn't have sex because he was so scared to call me and was waiting to get up the nerve to call me and ask me to hang out and hook up - I mean he texted me twice -totally chasing me you know?? At our engagement party I hope he tells the story of how he told me while we were naked that he'd abstained from sex for four months and knew I would know that it meant he wanted me, only me......"

 

When a person wants to date you and sees serious potential, he/she wants to make sure you are not snapped up by someone else -so even if that person mistakenly sets things up like a hang out and hook up - he/she makes up for it by telling you simply and directly he wants a serious relationship and to properly date you - wants to "start over"

 

I'm not sure what you meant by FWB -do you mean that you two were good friends? If so why not ask him what he meant -or you're just using it as shorthand for the sexual arrangement you had in the past when he told you he didn't want to date you?

 

Yes please stop wasting your time.

So picture this -your friend tells you excitedly - I think Steve wants me to be his girlfriend!!!!" You wait to hear why she thinks so. She is beaming!

 

She says "OMG it was soooo sweet and romantic - we hadn't seen each other for awhile because he blew me off but obviously it's because he missed me soooo much and was so worried I wouldn't feel the same. So he told me with this knowing look right before we were about to have sex that in all this time -- four months!!! - he hasn't slept with anyone else!!" OMG he was waiting for me right??? He couldn't have sex because he was so scared to call me and was waiting to get up the nerve to call me and ask me to hang out and hook up - I mean he texted me twice -totally chasing me you know?? At our engagement party I hope he tells the story of how he told me while we were naked that he'd abstained from sex for four months and knew I would know that it meant he wanted me, only me......"

 

When a person wants to date you and sees serious potential, he/she wants to make sure you are not snapped up by someone else -so even if that person mistakenly sets things up like a hang out and hook up - he/she makes up for it by telling you simply and directly he wants a serious relationship and to properly date you - wants to "start over"

 

I'm not sure what you meant by FWB -do you mean that you two were good friends? If so why not ask him what he meant -or you're just using it as shorthand for the sexual arrangement you had in the past when he told you he didn't want to date you?

 

Yes please stop wasting your time.

 

What about the potential response from the op, that he is shy? Awkward with communication?

Confused about what they were? I mean seriously , the poor guy!?

He took a break after she said she liked him?? What if he actually wanted more from her? And he is that socially inept to contact her until months later?

 

Oh nevermind, I forgot that he had multiple partners while with the op.

They all dried up. Turns out that he is just a guy looking to get laid with whomever will oblige.

So picture this -your friend tells you excitedly - I think Steve wants me to be his girlfriend!!!!" You wait to hear why she thinks so. She is beaming!

 

She says "OMG it was soooo sweet and romantic - we hadn't seen each other for awhile because he blew me off but obviously it's because he missed me soooo much and was so worried I wouldn't feel the same. So he told me with this knowing look right before we were about to have sex that in all this time -- four months!!! - he hasn't slept with anyone else!!" OMG he was waiting for me right??? He couldn't have sex because he was so scared to call me and was waiting to get up the nerve to call me and ask me to hang out and hook up - I mean he texted me twice -totally chasing me you know?? At our engagement party I hope he tells the story of how he told me while we were naked that he'd abstained from sex for four months and knew I would know that it meant he wanted me, only me......"

 

When a person wants to date you and sees serious potential, he/she wants to make sure you are not snapped up by someone else -so even if that person mistakenly sets things up like a hang out and hook up - he/she makes up for it by telling you simply and directly he wants a serious relationship and to properly date you - wants to "start over"

 

I'm not sure what you meant by FWB -do you mean that you two were good friends? If so why not ask him what he meant -or you're just using it as shorthand for the sexual arrangement you had in the past when he told you he didn't want to date you?

 

Yes please stop wasting your time.

 

Hilarious!

It sounds like the well went dry, where he figured you were a quick pick/sure thing, etc. He'll be on his merry little way as soon as you start asking questions again, as he did before.

 

Maybe it's time to set your standards at a higher level, while keeping your self-respect intact? You may just present yourself as someone wanting to date, rather then a person who settles for FWBs. Your call...

Idk of this is the right place to write this, but any advice is welcome!

 

For the sake of accidentally writing a novel, I have been fwb with this guy for about a year now. It started to get a little more intimate in my opinion, and he even once used the word dating when referring to us. Mind you, we weren’t hanging out that often- maybe like 2-3 a month? So, me being kind of an idiot, I told him I liked him because I truthfully did, and he just said the “you’re cool, but I’m not ready for commitment”.

 

That was in October, and I haven’t seen him since. Earlier this month, her texted me out of nowhere and just said “hey!” So I didn’t respond cause I was over it. But then he texted me “hey!” Again, and me having no self-control, I texted him back but told him I wasn’t able to hang out. He then texted me again (this is all within 1 week) and I finally agreed to see him.

 

It was truly like we never had time apart, and it was a lot of fun. I finally felt like I could just see him without freaking out or “getting in my feels”. EXCEPT- he asked if I have slept with anyone else, and then told me he hasn’t slept with anyone else.

 

I don’t think he’s lying to me, but I’m just confused as as to why he hasn’t slept with anyone else?? Am I looking too far into this???

That's why he hit you up, because he's likely been unable to pull anyone else. Did you sleep with him when you finally agreed to hang out with him? If you did, then congratulations, you just confirmed to him that you're good for the odd booty call.

 

... Or perhaps the new girl he is schtuuping started asking commitment questions so he's shelving her (like he did you) until her emotions simmer down (like you think yours have).

That's why he hit you up, because he's likely been unable to pull anyone else. Did you sleep with him when you finally agreed to hang out with him?

 

Unfortunately, yes I did. After all of these responses, everything is very much clear to me.

Unfortunately, yes I did. After all of these responses, everything is very much clear to me.

 

So what's your strategy regarding this playa you've found yourself with?

 

because when I knew him before, he slept with multiple people at the same time.

 

P.S. I wouldn't believe him that he hasn't slept with anyone else. I hope you insisted that he wear a rubber.

 

*edited out*

So what's your strategy regarding this playa you've found yourself with?

 

P.S. I wouldn't believe him that he hasn't slept with anyone else. Have you been to his home? He could even be married if he hasn't allowed you to get near his hood.

 

I’ve known him for 3 years and we’ve hung out platonically in the past. Definitely not married or involved with anyone else. Been to his house multiple times.

 

I’m just hung up on the fact that he “hasn’t slept with anyone”. I do trust him because I don’t really have a reason not to? In the past we haven’t used protection when I asked him first, and I’ve been clean this whole time. We can all harp on him for being a douche, but I also very much play into it. At one point- while I was at his house, I told him I was only there for sex and it seemed to have hit him weird?

 

My plan for now though is to not answer. I deleted his number and deleted out texts, and I plan on actually using some self-control when he texts me. I most likely will see him around, so idk what’s gonna happen then. But for now- self-love.

I’ve known him for 3 years and we’ve hung out platonically in the past. Definitely not married or involved with anyone else. Been to his house multiple times.

Yes, my bad... I deleted that question after re-reading and saw that you have known him for awhile.

 

I’m just hung up on the fact that he “hasn’t slept with anyone”. I do trust him because I don’t really have a reason not to? In the past we haven’t used protection when I asked him first, and I’ve been clean this whole time.

So you've been tested? You did say he's not monogamous in nature so??? If he's had opportunity, considering his past 'dating' habits chances are high that he's not being straight up with you. The reason not to is he's doing you now and doesn't want to look like the bad guy so his 'supply' gets cut off.

 

We can all harp on him for being a douche, but I also very much play into it. At one point- while I was at his house, I told him I was only there for sex and it seemed to have hit him weird?

I doubt it. It prolly just shocked him that you were that bold when likely you haven't been before.

 

My plan for now though is to not answer. I deleted his number and deleted out texts, and I plan on actually using some self-control when he texts me. I most likely will see him around, so idk what’s gonna happen then. But for now- self-love.

Well that's one way to wean yourself off of him if you can do it but if it were me, I'd be hitting him up and telling him that I've realized that casual sex with him isn't working for me and I'm ending that now since you're not open to a commitment and commitment is my end dating goal. When you close the door on situations you don't really want to be in then that's truly showing you self love.

 

Cheers...

How foolish not to use a condom. Never risk your health or life in this manner. Stop being so naive.

You need to get to a clinic for STD testing as well as some info/pamphlets on appropriate protection and birth control. You can also contract a host of STDs from oral sex, especially from someone as promiscuous as this creep..

 

Keep in mind many STDs are asymptomatic or have vague symptoms. You could become infertile so this guy gets free escort services? If you have a sex addiction get help.

In the past we haven’t used protection when I asked him first, and I’ve been clean this whole time.

There's also this thing called "lying".

 

I know, you think this wonderful friend of yours would never, ever lie to you to get sex. But you don't know that for sure, do you?

 

Is sex with this friend worth contracting a life-ending or life-altering disease?

In your lengthy friendship what if anything did you discuss about what you would do -meaning the both of you -if you get pregnant after choosing to have unprotected sex?

If Someone who hasn’t spoken to you in months texts you out of the blue with a Hey!, ignore them. He can’t even call or think of anything clever to say? What a lazy ***. He wants one thing and he’s trying to put in the least amount of effort to get it. And he got it.