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Thread: How long would you wait for " I love you"

  1. #1
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    How long would you wait for " I love you"

    How long would you wait to hear these three words?
    What were circumstances in which you heard them ?
    Would you care to hear them if the relationship was good?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be yourself. Say what you feel when the time is right. If the other person does not act like there is love or say it, step back. "Wait to hear it"? Not sure why a clock would be ticking on this if a relationship, exclusivity, etc is being established. There is not right time to express this. Do you mean before or after sex? Or for a certain amount of time?
    Originally Posted by irka000
    How long would you wait to hear these three words?
    What were circumstances in which you heard them ?
    Would you care to hear them if the relationship was good?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    No hard timeline. For my relationships, it's tended to be ~6 months in or so. Though so long as things were going well and we'd communicated we were interested in long-term dating, it wouldn't have hung me up if it took longer. Almost never under particularly romantic circumstances. Usually well after it's all but implied and one of us felt it was a natural thing to say. Never used it as some leap of faith.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Some men almost never say it. What's a matter, you no lika Squint Eastwood?!

    If you read people you can tell that they love you through their actions. Saying the words may be overrated.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Some men almost never say it. What's a matter, you no lika Squint Eastwood?!

    If you read people you can tell that they love you through their actions. Saying the words may be overrated.
    I canít begin to disagree more. While some people are not overly verbal or affectionate, if they canít tell you they love you it is just more evidence of inability to communicate. If you want to go into a long-term relationship knowing someone cannot express feelings then donít complain later when communication just gets worse. Without communication, your relationship will founder.

    This is just more evidence of how we are all supposed to keep lowering our standards ó itís fine not to have a commitment when you want one, itís fine not to hear I love you, itís unwise to expect anything from a partner ó itís not leading to partnerships that are any better and it is devaluing individuals.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    6 months+ is about right.

    Circumstances, hmm..maybe having a cuddle session.

    Would I care to hear them if the relationship was good.....for sure! It's very validating that the other person feels the same way you do and that you're both on the same page.

    Gary, where do you get these ideas from? I've never been the first one to say it, so yes, men most certainly do say it and say it loud and clear if that's what they're feeling.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    No longer than 3.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years? Before or after meeting? What is the formula?
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    No longer than 3.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Speaking for myself, I would never wait. But I donít view love or romance in those terms.

    I say ďI love youĒ when I know it is my truth, and trust that when someone tells me they love me thatís what they are expressing: a fact about their feelings that they want to share. I have found it most freeing to say when I genuinely donít expect it in return, since itís as profound as it is simple: a fact, not a theory I need confirmed by another.

    I think different people express it at different times. Me? I like to feel confident that what Iím expressing is not loving how someone makes me feelódizzy, giddy, warm, hot, secure, whateveróbut how I feel about them, and being me alongside them. I also like to know that what Iím expressing is pretty solid, rather than flickering or infatuation-fueled, so Iíve generally told someone I love them not the first second or first week I feel it, but once that feeling has rooted and seems to only be growing upward and outward. Probably around 8 months, were I to analyze the game footage, though I donít have any set timelines.

    Your last question is a hard one to answer. If the relationship was good, as in something that genuinely made me feel good, I think that would be my focus: the goodness, the fun, the connection, the evolution, rather than what was missing. If I felt something critical was missing, be it someone expressing love or something else? Well, that would be a sign that, for all the goodness, something was inherently not so good.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher

    Gary, where do you get these ideas from? .
    Please note that I said some men never say it.

    The things I talk about come from the very best relationships. The ones that have less than a handful of arguments per year, and still laugh and play together like little children cause they are crazy in love with each other.

    I think many people get their ideas from the fantasy world of Hollywood.

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