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Thread: I need advice

  1. #1
    Bronze Member kim42's Avatar
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    I need advice

    So there is this guy I met at a party 2 years ago, he was a friend of my friend. I instantly liked him but never told him, but I assume he does know I had a thing for him. So when we first met, he flirted with me, we added each other on Instagram, texted occasionally but he never asked me out, so I let it go. He started to date this other girl, it was an on and off relationship/friends with benefits thing, I didnít know much about it, just what my friend told me.

    I would meet him every now and then when my friend would organize a get-together, he would flirt me, share his drinks with me, tease me etc. I tried not to think about it too much, I felt like everyone could tell I liked him, so I eventually tried to avoid him. I met someone else a few weeks after, and this guy moved to another country. We didnít stay in touch, I almost forgot about him, but recently I noticed he was watching all my Instagram stories. I thought he was just bored, but he texted me out of the blue this week, saying heís coming to visit my city, and asked me if I wanted to hang out. Now I donít know what to say, part of me is curious to see him again, but I also donít know if I should. I mean I really liked this guy at some point, and I was a little hurt when he was dating someone else. What do you guys think about this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not just have a drink/coffee and catch up. No harm in that.
    Originally Posted by kim42
    he texted me out of the blue this week, saying heís coming to visit my city, and asked me if I wanted to hang out. Now I donít know what to say, part of me is curious to see him again, but I also donít know if I should.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I agree with Wise.

    Yeah, it's always a bummer when someone we're crushing on someone who isn't crushing back, but it's a thing that happens: humans being humans, timing being timing, and so on.

    Is part of the issue that you feel his flirtiness was misleading? Or are you just wary of having hopes raised and dashed again? The reason I ask, in part, is because this guys now lives in another country, so I'd be realistic about the limitations here.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I agree with Wise.


    Is part of the issue that you feel his flirtiness was misleading? Or are you just wary of having hopes raised and dashed again? The reason I ask, in part, is because this guys now lives in another country, so I'd be realistic about the limitations here.
    Yes, I feel like he was leading me on in a way, I'm pretty sure he knew I liked him, and just flirted with me for fun, I guess. The first time we met at that party, he spent most of the time chatting with me, we left together and took the same train. I thought he liked me but then he started to see this other girl, so I stopped texting him. I don't want to be in the same position again, if that makes sense. I'm afraid I might realize I still have a crush on him when I see him again.

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  6. #5
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    Unless you told him you were interested in dating him and he said he wasn't but continued flirting, innuendoes etc then he wasn't leading you on -he's allowed to flirt you're allowed to choose your reaction. How do you feel about the fact that he's comfortable with casual sex arrangements as he was with the other woman on and off? He might want something different now (certainly I know of many examples of that) but keep in mind that he likes flirting and in the recent past enjoyed hanging out and hooking up.
    I think it's fine to see him with zero expectations, in a public place, stay sober.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Is he moving back or just visiting? If just visiting, I'd take a pass on that. It's a bit like calling up an old groupie when bored. Not flattering to you, especially when he rejected you before. If he was moving back, then maybe I'd think about it and see what he has to say for himself.

    I guess my first thought is that he is looking for an easy hookup while in town and he knows you had a big crush on him...sooo...low lying branch....

  8. #7
    Bronze Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Unless you told him you were interested in dating him and he said he wasn't but continued flirting, innuendoes etc then he wasn't leading you on -he's allowed to flirt you're allowed to choose your reaction. How do you feel about the fact that he's comfortable with casual sex arrangements as he was with the other woman on and off? He might want something different now (certainly I know of many examples of that) but keep in mind that he likes flirting and in the recent past enjoyed hanging out and hooking up.
    I think it's fine to see him with zero expectations, in a public place, stay sober.
    I never told him I was interested, but I think he could tell I liked him, when he flirted with me, I flirted back. The thing is he continued flirting with me even when he was seeing this other girl, that's what I meant by leading on. I don't really expect much from seeing him again, it just surprised me when he reached out to me. If I decide to meet him, I'll stay sober for sure.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    What did he do that you consider "flirting"?

  10. #9
    Bronze Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Is he moving back or just visiting? If just visiting, I'd take a pass on that. It's a bit like calling up an old groupie when bored. Not flattering to you, especially when he rejected you before. If he was moving back, then maybe I'd think about it and see what he has to say for himself.

    I guess my first thought is that he is looking for an easy hookup while in town and he knows you had a big crush on him...sooo...low lying branch....
    He's visiting because of his business, didn't say anything about moving back. It didn't cross my mind he might want to hook up as we were never physical, but then again there was this weird tension between us. For now I just told him it depends on how busy at work I will be.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Just meet for coffee in a public place.

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