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Thread: I need advice

  1. #31
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Ok so I texted him I will most likely be busy at work because we’re short-staffed (which is actually true), and can’t male it. He sort of insisted that we hang out, he said we could meet close to my work to make it easier for me. He also said he wanted to reach out when I was visiting his city last year but he figured I was super busy based on my stories on Instagram. I know you guys think he wants to hook up, I believe it now too.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't think he wants to hook up, for the record, at least not in some deeply planned manner. I think he thinks you're cool, likes your energy, liked hanging with you, and just wants to see you and see what's up. What happens happens—all good.

    My feeling is that he has a completely different story than you do about your earlier hangs, more gray where for you it's a black and white.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Something similar happened to me. A man I knew was visiting my city. He wanted to meet up. It was pouring rain and I'd just finished a long work day. He also insisted. So I asked him if he wanted to meet at a local bar for drinks. Nope...he wanted to meet at a hotel.

    I'm not saying the same thing will happen. But "insisting" on meeting up? I would be skeptical.

  4. #34
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Something similar happened to me. A man I knew was visiting my city. He wanted to meet up. It was pouring rain and I'd just finished a long work day. He also insisted. So I asked him if he wanted to meet at a local bar for drinks. Nope...he wanted to meet at a hotel.

    I'm not saying the same thing will happen. But "insisting" on meeting up? I would be skeptical.
    I am both skeptical and confused. We didn't even chat about where we would meet, I just said I was 'busy'.

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  6. #35
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    My feeling is that he has a completely different story than you do about your earlier hangs, more gray where for you it's a black and white.
    I'd like to hear his version of what happened to be honest, for me it was rejection and not taking me seriously.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kim42
    I'd like to hear his version of what happened to be honest, for me it was rejection and not taking me seriously.
    Why rejection, though? Because he didn't follow up a flirtatious nature with asking you on a date? Because some flirty hangs didn't materialize into a relationship? Because he ended up getting briefly involved with someone who was not you? Because he did not "choose" you at the very moment you wanted to be chosen by him?

    I work in a field in which I am rejected about 100 times for every one time I am accepted. As in: I make something, or propose an idea, and the gatekeeper says to me, "No, I will not pay you for that" or "No, I do not think that idea is good for us." That is rejection. If I'm having a drinks with one of those gatekeepers in hopes of some work materializing, as I do from time to time, and they don't ask me to work for them or directly offer me money, that is just life, not rejection. A bummer, sure. But only a bummer because the drinks didn't go how I hoped they would, not because the gatekeeper met me with malicious intent or a desire to mislead.

    Is being rejected, in a general way, something you are sensitive about? Are you prone to wonder if people are taking you seriously? I ask because I just sense some edginess on those fronts.

    This guy? Sounds like he doesn't take any of this as seriously as you do. He's young, bouncing around Europe a bit, having fun, engaging in nebulous, cursory romance, not portraying himself any differently. It's only as confusing as you choose to make it. Hoping to be taken seriously by someone who is not in a serious place—well, that there is a recipe for confusion.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I often go visit my former city. I would sometimes contact a man I know there (someone I considered a good friend) to see if he wanted to meet for appetizers and drinks. He would get all excited, inviting me to come to his home instead of meeting at a restaurant and insisting I cancel my hotel room and stay at his place. I had to decline because I could see he had a different idea than I had.

    I don't know if he felt "rejected" or that I wasn't taking him seriously. It didn't even occur to me he might feel that way because what he had planned wasn't even on my radar.

    That being said, I feel like this man you're talking about could possibly have plans for an intimate evening. If you still want to see him you could agree to meet somewhere public and decline invitations to meet or go with him to his hotel room.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Honestly Kim, you are hoping for a boyfriend type of relationship, correct? This man is looking more for a casual hook up or maybe knocking boots once in a while if you're in the same city, but that's about it.

    Hey, to each their own.

    But you have different agendas.

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