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Thread: Told him I liked him and he said he is not ready for commitment or relationships

  1. #1

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    Told him I liked him and he said he is not ready for commitment or relationships

    Hi guys.....this is gonna be my first post here. And its gonna be a long one....so sorry, please bear with me!

    I started liking a guy from Aug' 2019. He was my colleague. I don't know how or when or why I fell for him but as days passed, the feeling grew stronger. We worked for the same company but we were at different locations. Initially I would restrict myself from talking too much to him and he would only talk about work related stuff. Then one day, I gathered enough courage to ask him out for a movie. He said he was going to him home-town so won't be able to make it. I staright up thought that he didn't want to extend any relationship beyond work so I just let it go, even though I was a bit hurt.
    Then after a week he suddenly texted me and said that his friend was shifting to a different state and they were going to a pub to hangout, so he would like me to join them. Initially I was hesitant but I said yes and went out with him. I don't know what got into me but I could barely talk. I was almost quiet the entire time. He asked me what I did in my free time and all. He kept the conversation very basic. While dropping me off he said "I think you are really different.....I have never seen someone like you". This made me really happy.
    Next week, I asked him if he would go for a movie in the weekend. He said yes. So on Friday I told him that we are going at this n this time for the movie. He said that he is busy, has to meet a friend for some work, thus we didn't go out. What bugged me is that, he knew the wntire time that we planned to go out but he chose to tell me at the last moment that too when I asked him. So I had stopped asking him out after that.
    In the meatime, let me tell you guys this, he would hardly see my whatsapp status and stuff. Off late, whatever I used to put up, he would go through them all.
    Then I don't know, what got into me, I asked him if he had any plans for 25th or 31st Dec'. He said that he'll see for 31st night and would let me know. I waited and waited but he never said anything. On 31st morning, he suddenly texted me and asked me how I was doing and stuff. So, I asked him what were his plans. He said that his family had come to visit him and he'll be going out with them.
    So finally, after waiting for an agonizing 6 months I gathered up the courage to tell him this:

    Me: Listen, I've been meaning to ask you this but didn't have enough courage and also I find your actions very confusing. I really like you but I don't know if you do. It's ok if you don't. I'd completely understand and back off.

    Him: Drunk?

    Me: No

    Him: It feels really nice to hear something like this from a beautiful girl like you. But I'm not ready for commitment or relationships. As of now, we can share the space between us as friends but I don't see anything beyond that as of now.

    Me: Okk no issues......I'm sorry I bothered you.....it won't be repeated....Bye!

    Him: I hope you understand what I meant right?

    Me: Yes....chill...

    As I'm writing this, I can feel that he never really thought of me in any special way. But I'm finding it so hard to make my brain and heart understand this thing. I never knew that moving on from someone you never even dated could be this hard. Can someone please tell me as to how to move on from him? And at last, is there any chance that he can be mine?

    As of now, I've deleted his contact and practicing strict no contact. Just wondering if there is still any chance left...!

    Thank you sooo much for your help guys <3

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're hurt, Kriyah.

    You move on knowing he's not investing the same heart, emotions, thoughts and care about you so why should you consume yourself about him? He's NOT worth it. He's a waste of your time and energy.

    You move on by no longer obsessing about him. He's NOT important. Surround yourself with moral friends and supportive family because at the end of the day, it's all that matters. Also, savor your alone time as well.

    No, there's no chance that he will be yours. He doesn't wish to commit. He wants 'free bird' status. He's made this very clear to you.

    He just wants to be a friend or an acquaintance at HIS convenience; not yours. If this is good enough for you, it's all he is willing to offer. If you want more, it's best to go your separate ways.

    You've deleted all contact so this is your way of truly moving on for real.

    Don't beat yourself up about this. There are better men out there in this world.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Kriyah
    As of now, I've deleted his contact and practicing strict no contact. Just wondering if there is still any chance left...!
    This is the best plan, because unfortunately, no, there is no chance. He is not interested.

    Kudos to you for putting yourself out there and asking him what was up, though. The right guy for you will reciprocate your interest.

  4. #4
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    I am sorry you are hurting, but I think it is good that you asked. You handled it well.

    The positive bit, is that you can now move forward and find the right guy.

    There is no chance. He is not interested.

  5.  

  6. #5

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    Hi Cherylyn......thank you so much for taking out time and reading my post.

    It has been just two day and I'm still obsessing. I hope time heals everything.....God this is hard.

  7. #6

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    Hey MissCanuck....thanks for reading my post.

    I wish moving on was easier....that too from a guy whom you never dated!

  8. #7

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    Hey Hollyj.....thanks so much for your positivity....!

    Yes now I have clarity.....but still cant make my brain understand to stop obsessing over him!

  9. #8
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    Yes he's not interested sorry to say.

    I think you did the right thing though by laying it all on the line. The reason you were stuck or obsessed is that he ws taking up head's pace. For months things were up and down, looked like there was a possibility of romance and then no chance. Rinse and repeat, putting your head in a spin.

    It sucks now but in a few months you be fine. You now know the truth of the situation so he won't take up that space and energy he used to have in your life and you can replace it with doing things that make you happy. He will soon fade into memory.

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by ninjabib

    It sucks now but in a few months you be fine. You now know the truth of the situation so he won't take up that space and energy he used to have in your life and you can replace it with doing things that make you happy. He will soon fade into memory.
    Thank you soooo much for replying......despite knowing the truth, I'm not able to stop obsessing over him. Maybe coz it's just been 2 days now. I really really hope time heals the pain.

  11. #10
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    Yes it's still fresh and raw but honestly you will move on. Probably quicker than you think once you are busy with your life again.

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