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Thread: Told him I liked him and he said he is not ready for commitment or relationships

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kriyah
    Hi Cherylyn......thank you so much for taking out time and reading my post.

    It has been just two day and I'm still obsessing. I hope time heals everything.....God this is hard.
    Anytime, Kriyah.

    I'm sorry for your pain. Yes, you are right. Time will heal your wounds. Even though it's hard to remain patient, eventually he will become nothing but a blur. You may not see this right now but his exit from your life is a blessing in disguise. There's another plan for your life despite your not knowing it. One door closes and another door will open for you. The silver lining is, someone who deserves you will be in your future. Never settle for mediocrity or less than mediocrity in this life.

    The quality of one's character will be your top priority and his sincere, honorable intentions.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why would he think you are drunk? Leave him alone, he's not interested. Get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting men outside of work.
    Originally Posted by Kriyah
    I started liking a guy from Aug' 2019. He was my colleague.
    Me: Listen, I've been meaning to ask you this but didn't have enough courage and also I find your actions very confusing. I really like you but I don't know if you do. It's ok if you don't. I'd completely understand and back off.

    Him: Drunk?

    Me: No

    Him: It feels really nice to hear something like this from a beautiful girl like you. But I'm not ready for commitment or relationships. As of now, we can share the space between us as friends but I don't see anything beyond that as of now.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member kim42's Avatar
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    I'm sorry Kriyah, I know it hurts, you were brave to put yourself out there. I think you've handled it really well, and at least you know he's not ready for commitment. He could have tried to string you along, but now you know it's time to move on. Keep yourself busy with family and friends

  4. #14
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    I asked a guy once to be my boyfriend when I was in college -he'd been flirting with me a lot on a weekend retreat. I asked him in person. It was hard! He said no and he started dating a much more attractive looking "cool" girl the next day. Hurt a lot! But I don't regret at all asking him. And back then there was no internet and no cell phones so in person it was (and no landlines on the retreat LOL). I'm sorry it's disappointing and all else equal there was no need to ask really - most men who are interested in dating you will want you to know that ASAP so you don't get snapped up by someone else. From what you wrote it was obvious he wasn't interested in dating you. Had he been he either would have said yes enthusiastically or rescheduled ASAP. Not confusing at all -I know you told yourself that because that way you could have an opening to ask him how he felt but I would avoid indulging that "mixed signals" thing - mixed signals are rare. I dated for many many years on and off - 24!! -and I can tell you now that I'm trying to make new women friends I don't find it mixed when a certain woman will regularly message me "we have to get coffee again!" and I know when I reply "sure - I'd suggested that and you were going to tell me when you were free" - that her response will be...... radio silence. While she posts regularly on facebook about her 4:30am workout routine and marathon training and dog rescue efforts and tons of acronyms that have something to do with various creative work she's pursuing but not doing - but her silence in not writing back 'cool how about Tuesday at 10am" tells me all I need to know.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Guys are pretty straight forward.....so the answer is nope.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    No, there is no chance.

    I'm sorry. Guys are pretty straight forward and if he liked you in a romantic way even a tiny bit, he wouldn't have dismissed you like that.

    The good news is, he's not the only man in the world. Try to think positive, you never know, Mr. Right might be right around the corner.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    After you asked him to a movie and he bailed, the ball was in his court to ask you to do something. He didn't, and you failed to pick up on that clue. You continued to ask him out. Don't do that in the future. Gauge a guy's interest by seeing if he puts in the same effort, and if he doesn't, there's your answer. You don't need to question him about it.

    A guy's interest in you or flirting doesn't necessarily spell his interest in dating you. It's nice that you're enthusiastic about someone you're interested in, but be careful of going overboard and scaring someone off. Have a give and take type of dating relationship. Put in effort and then wait for it to be reciprocated. Don't ask him out four times to his one time. Have a life outside of a bf with hobbies and spending time with girlfriends so that the center of your universe doesn't revolve around him. This will be smothering.

    Learn from this experience and you'll likely have better luck in the future. Try Meetup.com for a good way to meet singles in your age group. Good luck.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Listen to Andrina. A man who is serious about you won't break dates. Words are cheap. Actions scream.

    You have a crush on him but he only sees you as a friend. It's a classic miss-match.

    Look for another guy who likes you as much or more and you'll have a lot less problems.

  10. #19
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    I don't think he was ever romantically interested honestly. I would not have confessed. When he didn't follow through in making another plan with you i would have left him alone. He is a colleague after all. I do not think he saw the pub as a "date" while you did. I would not block him if you talk to him for work matters. I just would not accept any other random invite from him and act normally at work like it never happened.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Can someone please tell me as to how to move on from him?
    Yes, with time the sting of rejection will leave you. You had a crush, you had the courage and confidence to ask him out, he declined. That is ALL this is so let it go, pat yourself on the back for having the courage and confidence and now know that you can at least move on from him and be open to any new prospects that come your way.

    And at last, is there any chance that he can be mine?
    With that kind of hoping, you're going to take longer to get to the blissful stage of indifference to him. Let it go and clear your mind of him so your heart can follow.

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