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Thread: Mom's long term boyfriend needs to go

  1. #11
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    I don't drive either and got my license 4 years ago in my late 40s. I am an adult and do not use this as an excuse. So take uber/lyft/public transportation and an uber, etc. If you think she is being physically abused you can tell her you're going to call the police if she doesn't leave.

    I agree there is little you can do and no, he doesn't have to take care of her -they are not married. He is just a boyfriend. Your expectation is a partner takes care of the other when there is a health issue (mine, too, depending on what it is) but that's your expectation not hers. She has chosen to settle for this person. She's an adult. See if she'll give you power of attorney, etc and any form of control over her finances.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Since your mom is sick and may even get sicker, she can sign over authority to you to have access to her money and accounts. Get a lawyer, rally up the family, get legal advice and fight this because it's just a matter of time for your mother she may not be in any condition to handle her affairs and that includes making sure she has a will, and a living will in place.
    I agree. You need to get legal advice. Coming to a forum board full of strangers with your problem isn't enough. You need to take action and take it now.

    Also: Can I ask why you can't just get a taxi to the funeral if you are only a 15 minute car ride away? Sure he sounds like a d-bag but still?

    Unfortunately your mother is a grade A enabler and she would do well to get the therapy she needs to help her confidence and boundary skills so that she doesn't let the d-bag treat her like she does.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Although you find all this disconcerting there is not much you can do. You can not simply access or manage people's finances unless they are both mentally incompetent And you have power of attorney. Is this a common-law marriage? Are you her next-of-kin? She is defending him and covering for him, when in fact much of this is her decision-making. Rather than complain about him (because that is fruitless and stresses her out having to be in your-his crossfire) simply lend an ear, be supportive and do whatever you can. Whatever war you have with him affects her, so stop it.
    Originally Posted by bmars87
    She works in health care, he is on disability. Due to some scary health issues she hasn't been able to work in two weeks and doesn't look like she will be able to in at least a month, so she will temporarily have to collect sick benefits.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    So since she's been sent in an ambulance twice in a week already, is this prompting you to be concerned? Because you will see your inheritance go to this man, if heaven forbid, your mother passes away?
    Not to freak you out but is it possible he could be responsible for her sudden illness? Should check and see if he pulled a life insurance policy out on her recently.

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  6. #15
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    Your mum has been rushed to hospital twice recently buy only was there 7 hours ? Each time?
    Clearly she is not that ill.
    I suspect her bf knows that and hence why he refuses to enable her anxiety. Good on him!!

    And in the past you relied on your ex wife to drive you around?
    But now you expect free rides on your mums bf? Because he is supposedly driving your mums car even though they have been together for 17 years?? That car is their car. Not hers.

    Be an adult that you are and make your own way to the funeral.
    If you donít drive or have a car , use the same transportation that you use to go to work, shops, whatever!???

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Your mum has been rushed to hospital twice recently buy only was there 7 hours ? Each time?
    Clearly she is not that ill.
    I suspect her bf knows that and hence why he refuses to enable her anxiety. Good on him!!

    And in the past you relied on your ex wife to drive you around?
    But now you expect free rides on your mums bf? Because he is supposedly driving your mums car even though they have been together for 17 years?? That car is their car. Not hers.

    Be an adult that you are and make your own way to the funeral.
    If you donít drive or have a car , use the same transportation that you use to go to work, shops, whatever!???
    Ive tried to come to a different conclusion, I even looked at your other posts but I have to agree with Billie

    The fact that you dont see an issue with depending on your mom for rides in your 30's is very telling.

    I dont think your extreme anxiety issues are a coincidence either.

    Have you been seeing a dr?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I forgot to add, the huge hole in your story that you probably didnít even realize because you are viewing things through a distorted lens.

    You state all of your family hate him, yet your mothers brother was best friends with him...

    Dear, itís time for you to see someone.

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