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Thread: Boyfriend Seems to be Losing Interest after asking me to be his Girlfriend.

  1. #1

    Boyfriend Seems to be Losing Interest after asking me to be his Girlfriend.

    Hello,

    I recently got into a relationship it's been about 4 months now. My boyfriend and I were friends for over a year before dating. I was unsure if I was even ready to date him despite my feelings that developed from spending more time together. But he tried super hard and we started to date.

    Things are just so new right now but he pushed so hard and convinced me to be his girl and invested so much time and energy into the chase of getting me. Now that we are actually dating he seems to be losing interest, we only see each other every two weeks. I know he is busy so I don't mind too much. But we don't even speak to each other over the phone, we just text the entire day. Anytime something important happens in my life, even after telling him he doesn't remember. Anytime I'm feeling down and express that to him he addresses it briefly over text makes a joke and changes the topic. Whereas I give him extra attention, remember all important dates and events in his life and always try to check up on him. Maybe we are just different. It feels like there is a huge disconnect between us.

    I know it's not good to compare but prior to this I was in a long distance and even though I barely saw my ex it was a place of unconditional support and love.

    My current boyfriend is a good guy, he says he loves me and he wants a future together but it feels like he likes the idea of me maybe its just the wrong time.

    Are his feelings for me changing? It feels like he likes the idea of a girlfriend and I fulfill that. Is he just too busy right now to make time for me? Should i consider breaking it off?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Is this a long distance relationship as well?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NinetyNine20
    My current boyfriend is a good guy, he says he loves me and he wants a future together but it feels like he likes the idea of me maybe its just the wrong time.

    Are his feelings for me changing? It feels like he likes the idea of a girlfriend and I fulfill that. Is he just too busy right now to make time for me? Should i consider breaking it off?
    He can be the nicest guy in the world, but what it ultimately boils down too, is there are two people in this relationship and one of them isn't getting their needs met. Right?

    It doesn't make you a bad person to want more than texting and two dates a month.
    It just make you two incompatible and wanting different things.

    I'd tell him how you are feeling and depending on what he says and does, I'd consider ending it and finding someone better suited for you.

  4. #4
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    He can be the nicest guy in the world, but what it ultimately boils down too, is there are two people in this relationship and one of them isn't getting their needs met. Right?

    It doesn't make you a bad person to want more than texting and two dates a month.
    It just make you two incompatible and wanting different things.

    I'd tell him how you are feeling and depending on what he says and does, I'd consider ending it and finding someone better suited for you.
    No this isn't a long distance relationship. He lives about 40 minutes away. Yeah that makes a lot of sense it gave me some clarity. I think I will talk to him and see what he does. I don't want to experience the regret of not giving him the opportunity to change things. Thank you for real meant a lot to me and helped me a lot.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NinetyNine20
    No this isn't a long distance relationship. He lives about 40 minutes away. Yeah that makes a lot of sense it gave me some clarity. I think I will talk to him and see what he does. I don't want to experience the regret of not giving him the opportunity to change things. Thank you for real meant a lot to me and helped me a lot.
    He will likely tell you what you want to hear, but give yourself time personal limit for how long you will wait to see a real, lasting change.

    You've only got 4 months into this. No need to waste any more time or get more attached if it isn't going have the outcome you need.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Well, it seems like he had plenty of time to invest in you during the chase. Yes, I've witnessed men doing a hard chase on women who were leary about dating particular men. When those men finally convinced those women to dive in, yes, the men lost interest. I saw it as a fault in the men, and nothing to do with the women lacking in any way.

    Passions never run as high as they do in the honeymoon period, but two people who value the relationship will make sure each puts daily effort into keeping a spark from burning out, and to build a beautiful life together.

    I know that when I care for a partner, I want to hear his voice at least once a day when we're apart. A person who didn't feel the same wouldn't be my match.

    Lets say he was too busy to see you once a week because of working double shifts all week and being in graduate school or whatever. Why should you sacrifice a happy dating life for someone you've only invested 120 days into dating with? I know you'd like a more regular companion to enjoy life with, and a guy who wants to hear your lovely voice once a day.

    I learned my lesson when I dated a guy who was a workaholic. I can't count on one hand how many times we actually went out and did things together in a year's time. After that, I dated a bit smarter. I remember rejecting the request of dating a guy who had a five year old who he had every Wednesday and every single weekend. Since my nest was about to be empty, and I wanted a more regular companion who had more leisure time to spend with me, he didn't meet my needs as a prospective partner.

    It's okay to say that a situation isn't working out for you. That's the point of dating, to see who you're compatible with and who you should let go. I wouldn't even give him the opportunity to say he'll improve and doesn't want to lose you. As far as I'm concerned, if a guy isn't crazy enough about me to want to see me at least once a week and to speak to me at least once a day if we're exclusive, then I'll hold out for a guy who doesn't need to be poked with a cattle prod.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Great advice here. Agree with it all. I am curious to know if the twice a month thing was the case during the “chase” period, or if it’s solely a post-label dynamic.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I dated some one I really liked for about the same amount of time. I now know better then to date someone going through a divorce and fighting for custody of the teenage children. This was several years ago.

    He was kind, charming, there was a lot of chemistry, but between him trying to manage his time with his kids and his job that required him to work often until 8. . .I just had to say goodbye to someone who's life didn't mesh with mine.

    Too many weekends alone while he was with his kids. Too many times he wanted to come over after work, when I was already done with my day.

    I totally understood the challenges he was facing, but it just wasn't working for me. He didn't have anything to offer a relationship at that time in his life.

    I could have hung in there until things settled, unfortunately he thought I was just being difficult and not understanding, when all I wanted was for him to see it from my side just for a moment.

    I really liked him, I missed him, but I don't have any regrets ending it.

  10. #9
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    I think he liked the chase, now that he has you, he is bored. No reflection on you.

    There is no excuse that you see one another every two weeks. I'm sorry but you are not a priority for him. His actions say it all. I would end it.

  11. #10
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    I don't think this is the right guy for you, OP. He is more excited by the chase and "conquer" than he is by the actual relationship.

    You could raise your concerns with him, but I feel this is plain incompatibility and I'd be prepared to end it. If he's already lost interest after just 4 months, it isn't likely to suddenly get better.

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