Feeling Lost Con.d

All the responses I got to my breakup really make me see the light that I was living with someone who could care less if I was there. She gave me great gifts but I think that was just to keep me in line and keep control over me. We never said we love each other except in Valentines Day cards and birthday cards but even then it was Love Always, never I Love you. Hiding me from her co-workers and saying well I'm just a private person is bull. If we were married would you hide that as well? How did I miss all the signs of her having a wall up and not letting anyone in, how did I not see I meant nothing to her. I do think it was nice having me around for something to do, not be alone, but it is very clear that is all it was. She complains now of just sitting home by herself. Well it is what you wanted!

Everything was fine when she complained about people, her work, anything she disagreed with, but when I finally told her it was getting old that was it, out the door I went. I snapped two times, not yelling, just a quick stop it and we were done. Over seven years done in a brief two month span that was very stressful. Worst part is she does not own anything in the relationship, as long as she can say it was all me she is just fine. If I bring up her issues she re-directs right back to me. Worst part is I can't stop thinking about her. It is almost torcher being drawn back in. Not one person tells me to give it time, she will come around. Every one says RUN and never look back. It is getting better everyday but what a mind game. My feelings were projected back at me so many times I still question if my feelings are real. Am I blowing everything out of proportion like she said. Too many people agree that I am not wrong, it was messed up. Maybe I am just ticked off I fell for this. Projection and ga lighting are for real, if you see it - Run Like Hell!

Sorry this is happening. Where did you move to? What was the breakup about? Was this a significantly unequal relationship in terms of earning? Why the secrecy at work? Was he your boss? Take this time to go not contact and reflect on what you want for your future. Some short term therapy may help unpack and sort some of this out. Keep in mind moving in after 6 mos dating and staying for this long means you thought things were good for a while.

Sorry this is happening. Where did you move to? What was the breakup about? Was this a significantly unequal relationship in terms of earning? Why the secrecy at work? Was he your boss? Take this time to go not contact and reflect on what you want for your future. Some short term therapy may help unpack and sort some of this out. Keep in mind moving in after 6 mos dating and staying for this long means you thought things were good for a while.

I moved to an apartment for the time being, didn't have time to search for a house. No idea what the breakup was about other than stress. We made equal pay. She doesn't like people in her personal business so everything was kept quite. Which made Christmas parties for co-workers awkward as everyone would ask me where I live, and I am like here with her. I did think things were ok for awhile, but it wasn't perfect. I think she gave me tons of gifts as her way to say I love you but I wanted words, not gifts.

It might be good for you to own some of your own choices and actions and disentangle that rather than fixating on your ex.

This set up worked for you for a long time. In fact, you'd still be in it had she not dumped you. Own that. You weren't dependent on her, you have your own job and income, you were always free to say "this isn't working for me so I'm leaving"....but you didn't because it was working for you in some way. Reflect on that and yes, it's OK to say that now that you look back, you wouldn't want a relationship like that again. It means you've grown and changed. However, something attracted you to that dynamic and it's worth exploring what it was for no other reason than so you don't end up dating a clone of her again. We tend to keep dating what's familiar.....

I do own my part in it, and you are correct why did I stay??? I do need to sort that out. There are things I could have done differently for sure. We both admit a serious lack of communication.

I experienced it ... you will survive it and everything will be fine. Time heals!