Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: i hope my ex doesn't see this...

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    7

    i hope my ex doesn't see this...

    I am not sure what i've done is the right thing, i dont want to post too much details here as anyone can read this forum, possibly my ex too, but i want to hear what everyone else thinks...

    My ex decided to leave our one year relationship last Oct, it wasn't because of cheating or one of us being too needy or being immature, we both are over 30, nevertheless ex decided to end it, i was devastated so I did everything that i shouldn't be doing by trying to convince my ex to stay, of course that didn't work.

    Then I read about this NC thing, I decided to give it a try and after about 7 weeks, I got a text from my ex. We started chatting on and off for the next few weeks, we talked about what has been happening in our lives, nothing about getting back together as I followed the advice by not being too over-enthusiastic, not talking about the past, and just being cool and let my ex initiate the talking most of the time. The conversations were going well so one day I asked my ex out for a drink to catch up, clearly with a time and place. Never got a reply back to my request for the meet up, although we were still talking for the next 5 days... I just don't understand why if my ex doesn't want to meet up, why couldn't my ex give me a simple no for an answer ... I was somewhat annoyed by this, not because ex doesn't want to meet.

    So I decided not to try to ask about the meet up again, instead, i sent my ex a message asking what is the motive to come back to talk to me. Ex said it's an emotional thing and it's too early to make a decision about returning together again. I don't know what to say back so I said not to contact me unless it's about reconcile, and plus some other things like i need to move on and don't string me along and give me false hope. I've been in NC again, that was 3 weeks ago. I haven't seen a msg from ex since then, but i know ex is checking on my IM status every now and then.

    Did i do the right thing? I still have very strong feelings for my ex and i made myself very clear that I want to try this again. i've also said i need to move on and I can't wait on the bench and be someone's backup plan. there is currently someone else who wants to have relationship with me but i am struggling to commit to this person right now because i know it's going to be a rebound for me and it wouldn't last, sigh...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,632
    Gender
    Female
    i made myself very clear that I want to try this again.
    and yet he didn't take you up on your offer.

    Yes, you did the right thing now do yourself a favor and stop checking his social media or what he's doing on yours (block him when you are ready) and get on with your life without the hope of him coming back. You will never heal from this if you don't stop with the hoping.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,622
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? You need to update all your accounts to exclude your ex. That means reset your social media and messaging apps. Delete and block the ex from all your shared sites. Don't try this hard to stay on the radar.

    It would be best not to sideline yourself in the friendzone like this. At this point it's text buddies. It won't help you in moving forward. Don't use anyone to get over your ex. Stop reading those get-your-ex-back sites and trying to use their horrible advice.
    Originally Posted by M31
    My ex decided to leave our one year relationship last Oct, it wasn't because of cheating or one of us being too needy or being immature, we both are over 30, nevertheless ex decided to end it, i was devastated so I did everything that i shouldn't be doing by trying to convince my ex to stay, of course that didn't work.

    I asked my ex out for a drink to catch up, clearly with a time and place. Never got a reply back to my request for the meet up, although we were still talking for the next 5 days.. i know ex is checking on my IM status every now and then.

    there is currently someone else who wants to have relationship with me but i am struggling to commit to this person right now because i know it's going to be a rebound for me and it wouldn't last, sigh...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11,095
    Gender
    Female
    Yes, you did the right thing. There is no motivation to return if he can have easy access to you at a reduced capacity.

    Dumpers grieve the endings as well. Don't confuse that with wanting to reconcile. He is willing to risk losing you after all. Is this really someone you hope returns?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    7
    haha i don't know why everyone assume it's a guy. my ex is a woman.
    i don't use social media, only IM. i don't want to block her, not sure if that is necessary...

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11,095
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by M31
    haha i don't know why everyone assume it's a guy. my ex is a woman.
    i don't use social media, only IM. i don't want to block her, not sure if that is necessary...
    Honestly, it seems as if you are navigating this in such a way you hope she returns.
    NC is not a tool to `get your ex' back. If used properly it helps you heal.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    7
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? You need to update all your accounts to exclude your ex. That means reset your social media and messaging apps. Delete and block the ex from all your shared sites. Don't try this hard to stay on the radar.

    It would be best not to sideline yourself in the friendzone like this. At this point it's text buddies. It won't help you in moving forward. Don't use anyone to get over your ex. Stop reading those get-your-ex-back sites and trying to use their horrible advice.
    my ex and I both were in another relationship while we were seeing each other. She ended her some months ago before I did, I was not ready to end mine at the same time due to many factors, not that I don't want to be with her, i just couldn't drop it that easily due to family reasons. It sounds like excuses I know but at that time i felt it was the best thing to. Anyhow I finally managed to end mine but that happened few weeks after she left.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,680
    Gender
    Male
    So let me get this straight. The story here is that the entirety of your year-long relationship was also the story of each of you cheating on your partners. She eventually ended her relationship, you did not, she grew tired of living life in the shade, ended things. This gave you the "strength" to "finally" end your other relationship. Meanwhile, you're already entertaining another relationship here, while still hoping your ex/affair partner comes back around?

    If any of that even grazes the bullseye, I think now would be a really good time to step away from romance and step into yourself a bit. Give yourself a month, or six, to just be: to exist as a person, in your own skin, rather than a person using the skin of others as a mirror in which to see a version of yourself you like looking at. Not a fun prescription, I know, as we all like companionship, but I suspect it'll steer you toward healthier dynamics in the future.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,802
    So this is simple to me - you two were hanging out and hooking up while you were committed elsewhere. She decided she no longer wanted that kind of arrangement and still doesn't. People end these sorts of arrangements all the time -it's not a breakup because there never was a serious relationship. She did nothing wrong by chatting with you and not responding to your offer to meet -because she's entitled to have whatever boundaries she likes in interacting with you - you had whatever boundaries pleased you when you interacted with her -you wanted her to settle for hanging out and hooking up while you were committed elsewhere.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    14,056
    She got sick of being the other woman. Can't say I blame her, although she was also guilty of lying and cheating.

    This illicit relationship never stood a chance. Yes, there are many instances where two people had an affair and ended up together after breaking off their primary relationships. But it seems she got tired of waiting for you.

    She doesn't seem interested in giving you brownie points for finally leaving your spouse/girlfriend.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •