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Thread: i hope my ex doesn't see this...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by M31
    haha i don't know why everyone assume it's a guy. my ex is a woman.
    i don't use social media, only IM. i don't want to block her, not sure if that is necessary...
    The same advice applies no matter what sex your ex is or how your ex identifies.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    So this is simple to me - you two were hanging out and hooking up while you were committed elsewhere. She decided she no longer wanted that kind of arrangement and still doesn't. People end these sorts of arrangements all the time -it's not a breakup because there never was a serious relationship. She did nothing wrong by chatting with you and not responding to your offer to meet -because she's entitled to have whatever boundaries she likes in interacting with you - you had whatever boundaries pleased you when you interacted with her -you wanted her to settle for hanging out and hooking up while you were committed elsewhere.

    It's not as simple as you may think. the entire experience with my ex was real and it was a serious one. myself was in a very difficult/abusive relationship that i wanted to get out of for a long time and she was in a relationship that she wasn't happy to be in for quite some time too. Anyways, i'm not here asking to be judged for what's morally right and wrong. I'm asking what i should be doing to get her back, that's the purpose of this forum right?
    Last edited by M31; 01-29-2020 at 07:52 PM.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    She got sick of being the other woman. Can't say I blame her, although she was also guilty of lying and cheating.

    This illicit relationship never stood a chance. Yes, there are many instances where two people had an affair and ended up together after breaking off their primary relationships. But it seems she got tired of waiting for you.

    She doesn't seem interested in giving you brownie points for finally leaving your spouse/girlfriend.

    I am inclined to agree with you here. I knew she wont wait forever, but it was merely a few months that i needed to sort out my other relationship, i guess i really over-estimated a woman's patience.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    i made myself very clear that I want to try this again.
    ... again I say... and she didn't take you up on it. You shouldn't be doing anything to get her back. If she wanted to be with you, then she would be. The affair you embarked on with her likely kept her sane until she got the gurlballs to leave a situation she wasn't happy in. Subconsciously, you were a boost to her self worth and confidence. Once she had that confidence and boost to her self-worth, she left her partner and then realized that she wasn't ready to be in another relationship with you so she had the good sense to exit herself from both situations.

    I suggest you accept that it's over with your affair partner and ONLY concentrate on the new person you talk about in your opening post when you are free in heart and mind of said affair partner because it would be really chitty of you to use someone to get over someone else. it seems neither you or your affair partner know how to end one thing before you embark on yet another. Heal and then date when you are indifferent to your last partner and you'll have less emotional turmoil in your lives.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by M31
    I am inclined to agree with you here. I knew she wont wait forever, but it was merely a few months that i needed to sort out my other relationship, i guess i really over-estimated a woman's patience.
    You overestimated how long this woman would be willing to wait for you to decide you wanted a real relationship with her instead of being a secret.

    I wouldn't expect her to come back since her trust in you has most likely been severely damaged if not broken entirely.

    And no, this forum's purpose isn't to tell people how to get someone back (which no one could do, anyway). It's where people who hope to get back together post. Sometimes the result isn't what they hoped, but there's usually good reasons for that.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by M31
    It's not as simple as you may think. the entire experience with my ex was real and it was a serious one. myself was in a very difficult/abusive relationship that i wanted to get out of for a long time and she was in a relationship that she wasn't happy to be in for quite some time too. Anyways, i'm not here asking to be judged for what's morally right and wrong. I'm asking what i should be doing to get her back, that's the purpose of this forum right?
    I'm not talking about morality at all or about sexual orientation -I assumed it was same sex or most likely. Not morality. You were not in an exclusive relationship with this person. You each were cheating on other people -and if you were being abused your choice was to leave and your choice was not to get involved with someone else while still committed to someone else. So the facts are you and this person were simply hanging out and hooking up -

    So I can't advise you on how to get someone back who you never had in the first place. How do you get back an arrangement where you hang out and hook up - you ask the person to hang out again. If she wants to she will. It's not like in an exclusive relationship where you're looking to get back to a committed relationship. You're not -you never had one in the first place. Just the facts m'am - nothing to do with morality.

    You asked her to hang out -she said no. Here's what I would do. If you want to start a committed relationship with this person explain to her (1) why you want that; (2) why you cheated in the recent past; and (3) how you can assure her you won't cheat on her even if you're unhappy. And understand that unless she tells you the same her past behavior is the best indication of future behavior meaning she probably will cheat on you -again a fact, not judging the morality.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by M31
    I am inclined to agree with you here. I knew she wont wait forever, but it was merely a few months that i needed to sort out my other relationship, i guess i really over-estimated a woman's patience.
    Or did you overestimate your expectations of what another person should settle for in order to be with you?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    This sounds like a really complex situation.... And the best advice I can give is to walk away completely from this ex person.

    Work on yourself. Do not jump into another relationship. No need to hurt an innocent 3rd (or 4th?) party

    You have to get your head on straight and determine for yourself, where you go from here....

  10. #19
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    we all make mistakes and sometimes feelings get the better of us, to be honest you both were not in a good space to be in a new relationship.
    You both should have backed off i know it wont make sense but that was the best you could have done at that time.
    Lingering thoughts of current relationship and new budding relationship all together can really mess up the hearts.
    Live a life for yourself for a while, take a break from all this, i know its easier said than done but that's the only non messy way to get things straight in life.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you completely free and clear of the family situation? Are you divorced/living alone? You know why she ended it. There is no use trying to get her back. You are just rebounding from your other wife/gf leaving so now you want her again.
    Originally Posted by M31
    I'm asking what i should be doing to get her back, that's the purpose of this forum right?

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