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Thread: Sweden v the UK LDR

  1. #21
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Where is he a resident/citizen? Does he have a work visa? Is he in Sweden temporarily just for work? Does he have a gf in his native country? Even if you visit him where he is working in Sweden you won't be seeing him in his native country/environment/culture.
    He has been living in Sweden for about 20 years and has nationality/Passport etc.
    He just flies back to his native country occasionally to visit parents (Where he is now). He doesn't have a girlfriend there.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If you moved to Sweden and don't speak the language, how will you work? If work is hard to come by there, they won't be giving chances to outsiders for work unless you possess some rare skill.

    Find out what his past relationship history is like. That will give you a clue on what to possibly expect.

    Also think about if he's visiting friends where you live, that you might be pathway to get citizenship in your country, so it could be why he's lovebombing you.

    He hasn't spent any money visiting you, since he was visiting friends. You're the one who will be spending money in a few months. If it were me, in this high risk relationship that he initially pursued, I'd be letting him make more of the effort and spending the bucks at the beginning.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Limiya
    My concern is he's met me once, and he's smitten. I am too, but I am also aware that we don't truly know each other, and i just want to visit each other a few times first to get a sense of each other, and at the same time i want to have these frank talks. Is this realistic and doable?
    I don't just want it to be fantasy talk, but realistic and done the right way.
    Tricky needle to thread, that one.

    Let's say you were in the same place. Those "frank talks" would last about 30 seconds at this stage: you'd express wanting something serious from dating, he'd express the same thing, and then you would date to see if those early talks were "all talk" or not. Those dates would not be filled with more frank talks, but the juicer stuff of getting to know another human being and know how you feel spending time with them.

    With the distance? Well, a similar approach is still needed. Meaning: cool, you've each said the right things, but now it's time to just get to know each other, see what's what, with the understanding that "what's what" is a question that is not going to be answered over FaceTime but over actual time. So I'd make the focus on spending time together, talking about who you are, who he is, rather than on how to make this all work. You are, after all, two people who hardly no each other, as you said. Treat it like that.

    If in three or four months you've found you're still happy and excited—that you're each putting in an equal effort to connect and bridge the gap—then you can revisit some of the frankness in terms of making plans. Hard stuff, all this. I know I couldn't do it, but that's simply because I'm not built to uproot for someone while being built to have a coronary if someone uprooted for me. Fortunately, I am me and you are you, so my advice is given in helping you navigate your you-ness here.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I really think you're jumping the gun, OP. You barely know this man.

    Wait until you've spent a considerable time with him IN PERSON before you start considering anything at all. I mean, literally live together for a few months and see who he really is, if you two actually get on, if it's possible to make it work, etc.

    You have no clue about anything right now. I really think you're taking for granted how difficult this type of relationship is and how costly.
    This is virtually a complete stranger and for you to consider a LDR and moving etc, you need far more information than this.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Limiya
    It's been 3 weeks since we met in person (He's still on vacation) and i have plans to go there in February but haven't finalised the dates yet.
    By then it will be 3 meetups. I'm hoping by then we will know one way or another if it's something we both 100% want to pursue or not.
    I've never navigated seeing someone from another country before so it's all new to me.
    I don't think three meetups with someone brand new is enough -it's enough to know if you want to see the person a 4th time. I think it's a nonstarter unless you can see each other at least twice a month - and then in 3-4 months you'll have a better idea about future potential.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Enjoy the time but planning your entire future with him after one chance encounter is more fantasy than reality. How do you know he isn't scheduled for an arranged marriage? Has he contacted you while he is visiting his parents?
    Originally Posted by Limiya
    He has been living in Sweden for about 20 years and has nationality/Passport etc. He just flies back to his native country occasionally to visit parents (Where he is now). He doesn't have a girlfriend there.

  8. #27
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Update:
    So far so good. Had a great visit. We get on even better than expected.
    We're gonna visit each other for a while and see how we feel in a few months.
    I think that'll be best over all.
    Next week i'll go there to visit and the week after he'll come back for a short visit. It's not as easily sustainable long term so we will see how it goes and see how strongly we still feel.
    If it doesn't last then at least I had some lovely times and memories.

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