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Thread: Gay long distance relationship is getting tiring.... Your advise please!!!

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    Gay long distance relationship is getting tiring.... Your advise please!!!

    I live in London and I'm in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years now with a boy living in Dublin. We meet each other once in 6 weeks for a weekend and we do enjoy the time together. He is very mature and such a sweet-heart so I could see myself with him in the future. The issue is that lately, the relationship is getting more "tiring" due to financial difficulties from his side. My bf is non European hence he is studying a BSc to have his Visa renewed and stay in Ireland and also working part time at the same time. He is only working few hours in a coffee shop and really struggling paying bills, rent and uni fees. This has an impact in our relationship as I have to be the one going to Dublin more often than he comes to London because he has to work during weekends. Also, his mood is not that great lately because his employer reducing his hours in the coffee shop so he is stressed and with not so much mood for sex. He keeps saying I am looking for a new job but nothing happens. I really love the guy but I'm a bit tired of this situation. I don't know how this is going to work in the future because of the distance, financial difficulties and his visa situation as well. I'd love to have someone I could live with, go holidays together and plan the future as well.... What is your advice? What would you do in my situation?

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    When you love someone it's also a package deal -so you take the good with the bad. But you can feel love for someone and yet not be compatible. Did you know about his financial and work related issues when you started out? You have to figure out if your priorities here are being with him or whether the geography and financial stability take precedence for you. I did long distance with my husband for a few years but we were able to see each other every 11 days or so and finances were not an issue. We also had a solid idea from the get go that our goal was marriage. Do you have plans in mind for living in the same city or did you?

    Also if he's not looking for work is this a new thing or was he always not highly motivated to look for work?

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Can you move to Dublin?

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    you say "boy" - are you dating someone who is inappropriately too young for you? That work situation seems pretty typical for someone going to college and working a part time job. And because you said he's "mature" leads me to believe that, too

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It sounds like the relationship honeymoon is over and it turns out that you are not committed enough to this relationship to make it through difficult periods. It also sounds like you don't view your "boy" as an equal. Imo, if you don't see a future with him it's best to set him free.

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    Hello, yes I did know about his financial circumstances at the beginning but they were not that but because for 1 year he was just a studying English so he didn't have to pay so much Uni fees every month hence easier to survive. We have discussed in the past about living together yes. The happy scenario is me to move to Dublin live together and if everything works well we can get married. The sad scenario is to break up due to long distance and financial difficulties.

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    Hello melancholy123 yes I could move to Dublin, live together see if is working out and potentially getting married and live happily ever after.

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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    you say "boy" - are you dating someone who is inappropriately too young for you? That work situation seems pretty typical for someone going to college and working a part time job. And because you said he's "mature" leads me to believe that, too
    Hello, sorry for the confusion. He is 27 and I am 32. He is not inappropriately too young for me. He is mature in his beliefs and attitude as well.

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    Originally Posted by Nikolaos
    Hello melancholy123 yes I could move to Dublin, live together see if is working out and potentially getting married and live happily ever after.
    Originally Posted by Clio
    It sounds like the relationship honeymoon is over and it turns out that you are not committed enough to this relationship to make it through difficult periods. It also sounds like you don't view your "boy" as an equal. Imo, if you don't see a future with him it's best to set him free.
    Hello,
    I'm committed enough to go through difficult periods indeed but for how long? I'm just a bit tired of having this LDR and being me only the one who is making 80% of the effort because the other one is unable at the moment to do so.....

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    Originally Posted by Nikolaos
    Hello, sorry for the confusion. He is 27 and I am 32. He is not inappropriately too young for me. He is mature in his beliefs and attitude as well.
    People don't say another adult is "mature." in that context - they say it about kids and young people. I really think that you are justifying your feelings when you say that because if he was "mature" he would be supporting himself and not working part time at a cafe. People who work part time at cafes at 27 are doing so because its their family's business and they are helping out as a side job, or they are working towards their small business or their viable career in the arts takes off (they have accolades for being a music instructor but need to build more clientele before doing it as their only job). They don't whine.

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