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Thread: Gay long distance relationship is getting tiring.... Your advise please!!!

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unable is vastly different than won't. You need to find a local guy who is a citizen and matches your income and level of freedom. You are expecting too much from this guy.
    Originally Posted by Nikolaos
    I'm just a bit tired of having this LDR and being me only the one who is making 80% of the effort because the other one is unable at the moment to do so.....

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unable is vastly different than won't. You need to find a local guy who is a citizen and matches your income and level of freedom. You are expecting too much from this guy.
    Sorry but I cannot restrict my feelings... I need to come back in dating and request from my potential new partners passport, proof of address and a payslip.......!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When you date, you can very quickly find out if they are citizens, have a job, are studying, where they live and many other things. Also when you date locally and within your own socioeconomic group you won't have these issues. Did he lie about his residency status or income?
    Originally Posted by Nikolaos
    Sorry but I cannot restrict my feelings... I need to come back in dating and request from my potential new partners passport, proof of address and a payslip.......!

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    When you date, you can very quickly find out if they are citizens, have a job, are studying, where they live and many other things. Also when you date locally and within your own socioeconomic group you won't have these issues. Did he lie about his residency status or income?
    Not at all he did not. I knew his situation since day 1.... I have dated many people in London but they were not for me. Unfortunately I cannot control who I am going to fall in love with. But thank you for your message.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Nikolaos
    Not at all he did not. I knew his situation since day 1.... I have dated many people in London but they were not for me. Unfortunately I cannot control who I am going to fall in love with. But thank you for your message.
    No you can't control that. You can control how you react to your attraction to someone -so you can control whether you start down the path of dating someone where you know you lack basic stuff in common, or where for example the person is not available to date/not single, etc. You chose to get attached to someone knowing long distance would be part of it. Now that it's a reality you don't want to put in the effort.

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    I am going to go against everybody here and say while yes, true love is about taking the good with the bad, each partner has to meet each other half way in order for a relationship to be fair. It is not fair, fun, or healthy for a relationship to be about one strong/stable person and one who does not put up a similar level of effort. This early on, it's not like it is going to get better with time, unless you genuinely believe what he is going through is a temporary hardship he can get through. If you believe the latter to be true, stick with it and give him some time to work through his issues. If it seems like it is going nowhere fast, then it is going nowhere and I would reccomend moving on.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by esp14
    I am going to go against everybody here and say while yes, true love is about taking the good with the bad, each partner has to meet each other half way in order for a relationship to be fair. It is not fair, fun, or healthy for a relationship to be about one strong/stable person and one who does not put up a similar level of effort. This early on, it's not like it is going to get better with time, unless you genuinely believe what he is going through is a temporary hardship he can get through. If you believe the latter to be true, stick with it and give him some time to work through his issues. If it seems like it is going nowhere fast, then it is going nowhere and I would reccomend moving on.
    I do want to believe that what he is going through now is temporary and financial situations change... I am going to have an honest discussion with my boyfriend though next weekend and tell him how I feel, the stress he sometimes passes me on and also the 80-20 weigh in our relationship. I'll make him aware it is not sustainable from my side to visit Dublin all the time and also tell him I won't be able to go again in the future. I need first though to set the expectations re how often we want to see each other. If the answers I'm gonna take are not the right ones then I will probably tell him I need some time for myself only. I know deep inside me I don't want to be alone again because I am afraid of not finding anyone and I hate the process of dating until you find the right one.. Looking forward to hearing back from you asap. What would you do?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Nikolaos
    Sorry but I cannot restrict my feelings... I need to come back in dating and request from my potential new partners passport, proof of address and a payslip.......!
    No --- but if someone cannot reciprocate by visiting you as you visit them, then its clear they aren't prepared to be in the type of relationship you want or need. its clear that he barely is employed, he doesn't have the freedom to travel to be in a long distance relationship. Look for someone local to you, or find someone who travels. Someone who periodically, because they like to, travel a little. It doesn't have to anything exotic, even if they visit family because that is a sign they have a job where they could take the time off to see you - or have the ability to if they wanted. Vs someone who you could only be in a relationship with if you were to always travel and also relocate.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you think he is hiding money and the ways and means to see you more often?
    Originally Posted by Nikolaos
    the stress he sometimes passes me on and also the 80-20 weigh in our relationship. I'll make him aware it is not sustainable from my side to visit Dublin all the time and also tell him I won't be able to go again in the future. I will probably tell him I need some time for myself only.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do you think he is hiding money and the ways and means to see you more often?

    No, he doesn't and he is honest to me about that. Do you think then the financial status of my partner is a reason of me breaking up with him? I understand is not ideal but I don't want to be alone and I love him... What would you do if you were in my position?

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