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Thread: Will she come back

  1. #1
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    Will she come back

    Hi.
    Partner of 20 years called if aday and moved out last April. Im in our jointly mortgaged house with our 16 yr old daughter and she rents with our 20 yr old. Have been in daily contact since. Exchanging texts even going for drinks as we always said be good friends.
    Over the past few weeks she has nog been answering me as frequent. I'm pretty sure she is seeing someone although denies it.
    Hurts so much thinking of someone else making her happy and sharing good times (including sex).
    I spoke with her yesterday afternoon and she was so cold. Then called me back in the evening and was normal. What is this hot and cold all about?
    I have toyed with the idea of zero contact unless she contacts me 1st. I do, do most of the instigating. She is 44. Is this a mid life crisis and would be not being so forth coming attract me to her again or is it too late?
    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Keep things about the co-parenting rather than trying to decipher each other's personal or love lives. Do not date, have drinks together or randomly chitchat over text. That will only hurt you in the long run.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Hi.
    Partner of 20 years called if aday and moved out last April. Im in our jointly mortgaged house with our 16 yr old daughter and she rents with our 20 yr old. Have been in daily contact since. Exchanging texts even going for drinks as we always said be good friends.
    Over the past few weeks she has nog been answering me as frequent. I'm pretty sure she is seeing someone although denies it.
    Hurts so much thinking of someone else making her happy and sharing good times (including sex).
    I spoke with her yesterday afternoon and she was so cold. Then called me back in the evening and was normal. What is this hot and cold all about?
    I have toyed with the idea of zero contact unless she contacts me 1st. I do, do most of the instigating. She is 44. Is this a mid life crisis and would be not being so forth coming attract me to her again or is it too late?
    Thanks in advance
    You gotta shut it down except for functional contact.

  4. #4
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    Easier said than done though but if I can will it make her think twice?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    She runs hot and cold because her love level is on the line between friends and lovers. When it's on the line it means she thinks of you as a friend. It would probably be best to talk to a divorce attorney. Sorry.

  7. #6
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    Why did she end it last April?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Co-parenting and trying to get her back are twp separate things. You stated she drinks too much and gets nasty when she does. How does that affect your kids? She seems lost and problematic. You stated she thinks of you "as a brother" because you neglected the relationship too long.

    Having "a mortgage together" means nothing except you owe her money since she is not living there. Is she on the deed? If so you unfortunately have some legal/financial headaches ahead. Perhaps consult the banks and an attorney to best navigate that. You need to get her off the mortgage. Have you considered getting a roommate? After all that's all this became in the end.

    My advice remains the same about the situation: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Easier said than done though but if I can will it make her think twice?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You stated she thinks of you "as a brother" because you neglected the relationship too long.
    - That would also confirm that she has fallen out of love.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Easier said than done though but if I can will it make her think twice?
    It will, unfortunately most times people have already made their decision they just don't understand the choices that they have made.

    Luckily for you minimal contact is the only path at this point for both reconciliation and moving forward by yourself.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    It is easier said than done, but do you think being a moping, whiny ex will do anything to help your case with her?

    If you want to get her attention. Go live a better life than you were when you were with her. Have fun, go on some dates, and seem not to care that she was in your life. Move on and become the man you were when you met. Get healthy, pump some iron and grow some muscles. Live.

    She certainly won't come back to some sop who has been down on himself and needs to be looked after. She has spent the last 20 years raising kids and wants excitement again. Go be the man she would want to chase after.

    Then, aboutr the time she has decided she wants to be together again, you would have likely met a woman 10 years her junior and will be enjoying life more yourself.

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