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Thread: Will she come back

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you paying her rent?Eventually it's in your best interest to sever this type of financial tie and shared assets. talk to your banker/attorney/accountant about this pros/cons of doing things this way.
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    I am in the house and s he is happy for me to stay in it and said she will.not force me to sell.But obviously when/if j do she will.have half the equity (about 15,000 each

  2. #22
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It's been close to a year, so it's time to start accepting that she has left for good. This means that you stop pretending to be friends, aka trying to prove to her what a good guy you are always at her beck and call. While you've been hoping that she'll see your greatness, recognize her mistake and come back, she has been using you to get over you. Bottom line is people do not value what is easily available and you've made yourself too available for far too long.

    Time to go minimal contact and keep it strictly to about kids, do consult with attorneys about divorce and finances. Other than that, you've been given very good advice to focus on yourself and start living your life. Time for you to go cold on her and mean it. She texts you? It's not about kids? Ignore. Let her wonder for once what you are up to.

  3. #23
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    Thanks yes sounds very true. I'll try that

  4. #24
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    Darkus, there's a great book called Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. I think you should get a copy and read it cover to cover before you initiate contact with her again. It's not a relationship book. Rather, it's a sociology book and it's amazing. It may help you find answers your partner can't give.

    In the meantime, you should go to alturtle.com and begin reading his website. Start with "What to do when she/he leaves you". I had to read Al's site three times (I'm thick headed) before it all sank in.

    Everything changed for me when I read the book and that website. I developed a detailed plan to become the one who got away and stopped letting my impulses control me. It worked like magic. (Yes, my ex came sniffing around again, but by then I was way out of his league and couldn't go back. I knew I'd rather be alone than have him back long before then but, afterward, I was truly happy.)

    Here's a few ideas:

    1. Learn something new. Maybe you study a new language or French cooking. Maybe you take a class. You'll love the feeling of accomplishment. (I took lots of classes and got a promotion at work because of it.)
    2. Take up a new hobby. Learn to play an instrument or pick up a new one, digital photography, painting. You'll have to concentrate on something other than your feelings. (I learned how to play the cello.)
    3. Eat right and workout every day. You'll sleep better, feel better, look better. (I had to get a whole new wardrobe.)
    4. Do something immediately to change the way you look, something small, not drastic. Part your hair differently, if you normally wear t-shirts switch to button down. The small change will register subliminally with your ex.
    5. If your ex still comes over to your house to see a child, re-arrange the furniture. This is a visual clue that it's your place now, not hers. And keep it clean - let her know you don't need her help, that you're capable of taking care of yourself. (I bought all new furniture. He walked in one day and said "this doesn't look like the old place anymore". I said, "it's my place now; thought I'd freshen it up.").
    6. Volunteer with a non-profit organization you feel passion for - you'll meet new people with the same passion.
    7. Join a team or meet-up (chess? books? softball? handball?). You'll meet new friends, have fun, and socialize.
    8. Have an adventure. Get in the car and explore your own or a local town or take your 16 year old on a road trip (my son and I went to a three day music festival half way across the country and had a great time).
    9. Become an expert in something that interests you - local politics, history, or architecture (maybe combined with your new digital photography skills?). You'll become more interesting.
    10. Make family time with your kids - game night and dinners. They'll appreciate your interest in their lives and activities. No talk about mom or the break-up.

    Control the only thing you can control - yourself. That means you control communication, your environment, your mind, how you socialize. You'll get to good eventually. Really good. I promise.

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  6. #25
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    Thanks autumn I will checkout the book. Good to hear it from a females point of view! All makes good sense. I think with me it's the fact that she is seeing someone else (when you know, you lmow) .
    Just dont understand why she calls me every morning, I never instigate it. But then in the evenings I dont here from her.
    As I said we always said we be friends and new partners would have fo accept that buf it seems this has turned out not to bd true as I'm suspecting the reason she doent call in the evening is that she is with him. Maybe paranoid I dont know.
    Thanks for your advice. Just out of interest did you ever find anybody else?
    Regards
    Darcus

  7. #26
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    This hurts so much. Surely should be getting better by now. I have heard of z broken heart but I genuinely feel mine is. Feel sick all the time and cant eat. Wake up at stupid o'clock! How long will this last for?
    Feel like it all far too consuming on my tiny soul

  8. #27
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    I wonder what she currently feels? What would her emotions be? We were together 20 years . surely she must feel something?
    Are there any dumpers on here that can fill me in pls.
    Thanks

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not get an evaluation from a doctor MD and get a referral to a therapist? Don't go it alone especially with such a severe reaction.
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Feel sick all the time and cant eat. Wake up at stupid o'clock! How long will this last for?

  10. #29
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    I dont beleive they can cure a broken heart😔

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ironically not getting treated for depression, anxiety, etc can cause a broken heart because a partner can not carry someone along who is morbidly depressed and won't follow up. regularly with doctors/therapist to sustain better mental health.
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    I dont beleive they can cure a broken heart😔

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