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Thread: Will she come back

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    It is easier said than done, but do you think being a moping, whiny ex will do anything to help your case with her?

    If you want to get her attention. Go live a better life than you were when you were with her. Have fun, go on some dates, and seem not to care that she was in your life. Move on and become the man you were when you met. Get healthy, pump some iron and grow some muscles. Live.

    She certainly won't come back to some sop who has been down on himself and needs to be looked after. She has spent the last 20 years raising kids and wants excitement again. Go be the man she would want to chase after.

    Then, aboutr the time she has decided she wants to be together again, you would have likely met a woman 10 years her junior and will be enjoying life more yourself.
    Amen...

  2. #12
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    Just said we were like brother and sister

  3. #13
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    No longer drinks heavy now or short fuses. Maybe was me causing it all

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you been to a doctor recently for an evaluation? Could there be an issue with depression or anxiety? Why not get some expert advice and some short term therapy to help navigate through this. Make sure this lassitude is treated and doesn't persist. This is why she left in the first place.

    Also take Keyman's advice and get on a self improvement plan including improving health, fitness and social life.
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Easier said than done though but if I can will it make her think twice?

  5.  

  6. #15
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    I will heed your advice thank you sounds logical

  7. #16
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I get it, you sit idle and your mind keeps going to "what if I had did this, or did that" etc. I agree enough time has past, now it's time for you to focus on you, your life, and healthier choices, new goals. Cutting off contact for awhile may help you steer away from those negative thoughts. And who know, maybe over time when you both self improve, and become happier people you can mutually revisit trying again.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    So basically she is out dating and having a good time while you are her safety net. She didn't ask you to be her safety net but you have volunteered.

    Do you really think being a door mat is going to bring her back? Bugging her about her personal life?

    Get started on the business of divorce. That means a legal separation, financial agreement and ultimately filing for divorce. Right now it isn't real and you are living in the past while she is living partly fantasy escape and future.


    I agree you need to cut the contact to just parental stuff and divorce stuff and do it through email. If you want to try and get her back then she needs to miss you and you need to get back to that guy she fell in love with 20 yrs ago. Get is shape, get some new hobbies or resurrect old ones, contact old friends and get your stuff straight! Don't advertise all this, just do it and she will notice or hear through the grape vine. If she is interested she will sniff around, if not you are well on your way to building a great single life after your divorce.

    What you are doing never works so STOP!

    Lost

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Have been in daily contact since. Exchanging texts even going for drinks as we always said be good friends.
    That's the trouble with thinking you can be friends. If you were really her friend, you'd be happy about her.
    It's ok. A lot of us try to do it. It softens the blow, leaves the door open for reconciliation and you as you have just now learned, you end up staying attached.

    Friendships happen with ex's. But it's not until long after each person has fully detached, moved on and had some space and time separate from each other.

    The hurt you are feeling is because you still had romantic feelings for her. Without them, you would have been happy for her new development.

    It's not a midlife crisis because the relationship ended last April. That's approaching an entire year. I midlife crisis is typically a decision made impulsively. It appears she's put a lot of time and thought into this.

  10. #19
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    if you want to say you are "friends" because that is the opposite of enemies - i get that but you really should not be either. You should be civil coparents. communicate when it necessary - arranging picking up the 16 year old, medical issues, house mortgage etc, but no chitchat. In fact a lot can be done by text. Your kids should be communicating directly with you anyway - they are old enough. Also, have you considered selling the house or having her buy you out? I get it if you want the kids to stay in the house until the youngest graduates and not causing upheaval.

    But actually - if SHE walked away from YOU, why are you not in the house with the kids instead/

  11. #20
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    I am in the house and s he is happy for me to stay in it and said she will.not force me to sell.
    But obviously when/if j do she will.have half the equity (about 15,000 each

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