Breakup advice

Hello,

I am wondering if I am doing the right thing. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years . Lately we got into an argument where I felt like he had wronged me in some way and I explained that to him but he refused that he did something wrong and would say I pretend to know it all. Some context of this argument is that I wanted to go to a work party but the morning of the work party it was a bit cold and I was tired so I wasn’t sure whether I would want to go. I sent him a message asking for opinions on what to say , he informed me that he will let me know , hours later I messaged him that I thought about it and I will go and stay for an hour and after that he started saying I am very weird and that I do what I want and ignore his advice , and I was so confused because this wasn’t that situation. And it wasn’t that I didn’t listen to his advice , I just changed my mind about going . So this is where the argument started and I said it was just wrong for him to say something like that in this situation but he kept on saying it again and again. We took a little break because we were not on the same page ( I suggested we relax because he wanted to end things) so a day later I try messaging and calling and no reply and he then proceeds to breakup with me through text . It’s always been like this anytime we have an argument he would always want to end the relationship, whenever I have a different thought or opinion to him he would say I am pretending to be a know it all and that he has been through life ( he is 8 years older than me ) every argument is usually my fault and after every argument when he ends it I go back to him and say that he was right and he would come back to me . This time when he ended things at first I begged but I later sent him a message saying how much I love him and it’s okay if he wants to end things . His reply was then him blaming it on me that I caused the breakup that I brought us to that current situation. After that text I never replied , it had now been 5 days and it’s been so tough , I cry myself to sleep , it’s just been difficult . Should I say something to him? I do not know if I’m doing the right thing walking away and going no contact I just don’t know .

This relationship is dreadfully unhealthy and he treats you like a child.

It is beyond time for this to be over. He is not a good boyfriend and you deserve someone who respects you and genuinely loves you. This guy doesn't.

Sorry to hear this. Take this time to reflect on if you want to be in chronic right/wrong power struggles like this. Who cares what he thinks? Think for yourself. This type of chronic bickering indicates general incompatibility and deeper issues.

Do not ask people what to do then ignore it, just don't ask. Make your own decisions. Stop torturing yourself and let this bickering and power struggle finally be over. He doesn't need your permission to end things. Use this time to decide how to pick your battles.

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years

I felt like he had wronged me in some way

I said it was just wrong for him to say something like that

I suggested we relax because he wanted to end things)

I later sent him a message saying how much I love him and it’s okay if he wants to end things .

Hello,

It’s always been like this anytime we have an argument he would always want to end the relationship... every argument is usually my fault and after every argument when he ends it I go back to him and say that he was right and he would come back to me

OP you need to work on yourself... Learn to love yourself so you don't subject yourself to unhealthy relationships like this and waste valuable time and energy and tears on a poor excuse of a man.

He sounds like a manipulative jerk. I don't understand why you didn't dump him, long ago.

You need to address your self worth.

Stay broken up.

I can see someone getting frustrated, if their advice gets repeatedly ignored, but this is such a bizarre hill to die on. What is it to him, if you decide to go to a work function or not? Assuming you didn’t cancel plans with him last minute, I don’t see why this matters to him so much.

Also breaking up shouldn’t be used as a tool to get what you want. If he’s repeatedly broken up with you over small arguments, it’s probably better to call it quits.

MissCanuck - thank you for taking the time for replying to my post . There’s some aspects about him that are good but others that are just terrible , we have been at this for two years now and multiple times he ends the relationship over an argument . You are right it is time this is all over .

I can see someone getting frustrated, if their advice gets repeatedly ignored, but this is such a bizarre hill to die on. What is it to him, if you decide to go to a work function or not? Assuming you didn’t cancel plans with him last minute, I don’t see why this matters to him so much.

Also breaking up shouldn’t be used as a tool to get what you want. If he’s repeatedly broken up with you over small arguments, it’s probably better to call it quits.

We had no plans that day , I had actually invited him to come with me to the work party and he refused.This isn’t the first he has ended the relationship over a fight , I have honestly lost count .

OP you need to work on yourself... Learn to love yourself so you don't subject yourself to unhealthy relationships like this and waste valuable time and energy and tears on a poor excuse of a man.

I havent contacted him for days and I have been doing exactly that , working on myself and trying to move on from this .

I havent contacted him for days and I have been doing exactly that , working on myself and trying to move on from this .

That's good, it's what you need to do. He sounds like a jerk who would be 8 yrs younger than you, not older.

Do you come from a high conflict home? Why would this type of thing not alert you to the red flags here?

This isn’t the first he has ended the relationship over a fight.

Do you come from a high conflict home? Why would this type of thing not alert you to the red flags here?

No, my parents are great together . This was my first serious relationship and in my thinking it was the ups and downs of relationships.

It's not. It's a very high conflict toxic relationship. End it and perhaps talk to a therapist to understand what healthy relationships look like. Learn conflict resolution skills. Does he have mood issues or drink heavily? Also google toxic relationships and red flags for relationships. Educate yourself. The longer you stay the more toxic damage will be done.

As far as your end? Pick your battles, think for yourself and stop needing to be right about every little thing. Let things go. Arguments take two, so deescalate and most of all remove yourself from this situation.

in my thinking it was the ups and downs of relationships.

It's more serious than him being a jerk. He sounds like a control freak. He thinks he is never wrong, and never says the word "sorry". But nobody is perfect - particularly him. It's a mental disorder. That means it's bad.

You are probably better off now that you are broken up. It's better to be single than in a poor relationship.

It's not. It's a very high conflict toxic relationship. End it and perhaps talk to a therapist to understand what healthy relationships look like. Learn conflict resolution skills. Does he have mood issues or drink heavily? Also google toxic relationships and red flags for relationships. Educate yourself. The longer you stay the more toxic damage will be done.

 

As far as your end? Pick your battles, think for yourself and stop needing to be right about every little thing. Let things go. Arguments take two, so deescalate and most of all remove yourself from this situation.

He is easily angered , so I usually have to watch what I say or what I do . Some aspects of the relationship were not okay but there was also good times and that’s why I stayed . I had my faults too . Thank you for the advice I am only 22 and I have a lot to learn but I am going to be strong and move on from this relationship

No man is worth that. You need more time to heal and reflect on how this person treated you. He is mentally abusive manipulating you, diverting blame....he is a true narcissist.

A healthy person would allow the first breakup to stay in place, not return to someone who can't be trusted to stick around. Well, there's no time like the present. You confirmed your acceptance of the breakup, which is a great first step in the right direction. Keep moving forward, and you will thank yourself later.

No relationship and no person is 100% toxic. However, just because a person does some things that are good, doesn't mean that you should accept all the accompanying toxic behavior.

As a general rule of thumb, the first time a guy breaks up with you should be the absolute last. Do not get back together, do not attempt do overs. All you are doing is teaching that person that they can discard you and there are no consequences. You'll come right back for round two, three, ten.....twenty.....

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