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Thread: Tips on taking a dating break, figuring out what you want

  1. #21
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    They both were introverts and arenít the type of people I would be friends with generally.

    ^This kind of jumps out doesn't it? You are dating your opposites and while opposites attract initially, precisely because they are different from us and therefore interesting at first, in the end opposites do not get along. The attraction is temporary and the actual relationship ends up being very difficult and fraught with conflict because you do not get each other intuitively.

    Look for women that you would be friends with and that you are physically attracted to, of course. Look for women who are more similar to you - more outgoing, more social, more similar to yourself in terms of lifestyle, socializing habits, etc. Not saying find your mirror image, but you should date someone where friendship comes easy and day to day life is easy because you are just alike enough.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I think you might be beating yourself up for things that are somewhat out of your control. You can decide you are going to take a break but if you meet someone you like, are you going to not try? Where's the benefit in that?

    And ok, you dated a ton of Miss Right Thens... we all have. You gotta remember most people are not a love connection in general... not just with you. that is what makes the one, THE ONE.

    Some guys I've dated, I might not have been friends with and vice versa... attraction, chemistry and friendship are all important.... sometimes you don't know, until you know.

    I think all relationships are great, until they aren't. And just cause you haven't met the right one, doesn't mean you won't.

    Any time you're being more thoughtful in your own actions, short of paralyzing yourself, there will be benefits....

    maybe just dont feel you have to date someone just because your both single. We're people, not socks. lol

    You don't have to give everyone a chance.... only the ones that you feel like you do. That was a big thing for me. I always was like- you never know! But there's a limit to that and it seems you've hit it.

    Good luck! Stay open! Lightening could strike!

  3. #23
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    They both were introverts and arenít the type of people I would be friends with generally.
    Red flag, big RED FLAG! Why would you date anyone that you wouldn't see yourself being friends with??

    This tells me that what attracts you to them is based on chemistry, and perhaps superficial qualities... attractiveness, shared interests, stuff like that.

    Chemistry is important but there needs to be MORE... if you want something long term... because eventually, chemistry fades... and perhaps explains why, as your chemistry with them fades, so does your interest in them.

    You may want to try this the other way around OP... seek a woman that you can see yourself being friends with, and then see if there is chemistry there.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    ďThe most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, thatís just fabulous.Ē

    Stolen from something I read on FB. The article was about embracing being single and the curious surprises you find along the journey of getting comfortable on while spending time on your own.

    From what I've read so far, this isn't really about taking a break from dating to benefit you. You need to retitle your thread to say *reevaluating what you want in a relationship/woman. Because there is very little talk about you and getting to know you outside of dating.. There is a lot of discussion about sharpening your aim and what type to date next. Personally, I don't consider that taking break from dating.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok take some classes and courses. Whatever language dancing cooking yoga nutrition something fun or interesting to you. Check local colleges and adult ed. Also join some clubs groups and organizations. Maybe something that encompasses preexisting interests or things you would like to try. Teach something. Volunteer. Animal shelter, library, hospital etc.

    Get out and meet people in real life. This way you can start talking to women in much more low key settings and get to know them that way. Eventually you could go for coffee. The hardcore meet, go in for the physical touch, go back to your place approach just is not working. This also rounds out your life even more and makes you a more interesting happier person.
    Originally Posted by dmveep
    I have a pretty balanced life where I work about 40 hours per week and make a six figure income. Perhaps picking up a new hobby could be fun and a way to meet some new people. Iím just not sure what.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun

    I had a male friend tell me very simply "I know both of us have had our ups and downs with dating. I think it would be a great idea if we dated each other". Unfortunately in that case I did not feel the same way he did but I thought his approach was a good one. Not creepy, not pushy, just a nice simple statement.

    I suggest you try the same with your friend
    Do you really believe this is a good strategy to try and date an established friend without blowing up the friendship? I have the friend I mentioned, but there is also another woman in my friend group that I am super attracted to.

    I feel so attracted to the second one she just makes me feel like a teenage boy. I canít think straight or act myself, itís so bizarre. Iím not as good of friends with her but we have a lot of mutual friends.

    Again, I feel like these are two women I should really be trying to date. They are both amazing and the type of woman I want to be with but I find myself so concerned with the repercussions of suggesting we go on a date that I choke and never do it.

    My biggest concern is they could reject me and stop being my friend and I would potentially lose the whole friend group in the matter. Iím afraid Iíll be embarrassed around my friends for getting rejected.

    The biggest upside is I could potentially date someone who is already an amazing person and shares the same friends. I donít know the more I think about I have two of the most amazing women sitting right under my nose and I feel paralyzed. I tried to think of the opposite situation and honestly, I would be very flattered even if I didnít feel the same way. I donít think I would judge them or mock them for it.

    Argh!!! Is it possible to suggest being more than friends and not lose the friend? I just canít find the words....

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by maew
    Red flag, big RED FLAG! Why would you date anyone that you wouldn't see yourself being friends with??

    This tells me that what attracts you to them is based on chemistry, and perhaps superficial qualities... attractiveness, shared interests, stuff like that.

    Chemistry is important but there needs to be MORE... if you want something long term... because eventually, chemistry fades... and perhaps explains why, as your chemistry with them fades, so does your interest in them.

    You may want to try this the other way around OP... seek a woman that you can see yourself being friends with, and then see if there is chemistry there.
    As I described above, there are two amazing women that I am already friends with, should I go for it? Ask them kindly if they want to go on a date? I mean, we both know it will be fun at a minimum. It seems like the right move.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    They both were introverts and arenít the type of people I would be friends with generally.

    ^This kind of jumps out doesn't it? You are dating your opposites and while opposites attract initially, precisely because they are different from us and therefore interesting at first, in the end opposites do not get along. The attraction is temporary and the actual relationship ends up being very difficult and fraught with conflict because you do not get each other intuitively.

    Look for women that you would be friends with and that you are physically attracted to, of course. Look for women who are more similar to you - more outgoing, more social, more similar to yourself in terms of lifestyle, socializing habits, etc. Not saying find your mirror image, but you should date someone where friendship comes easy and day to day life is easy because you are just alike enough.
    Any thoughts on trying to date someone I am already friends with that is attractive, compatible, etc?

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by dmveep
    Any thoughts on trying to date someone I am already friends with that is attractive, compatible, etc?
    Dancingfool likely will have great input- I've been there -don't "try" -ask her out on a date - whether she knows it's a date or not -but something one on one that is fun but definitely just the two of you- no heavy on romantic dinners for this -and just take it from there -if it goes well ask her what she thinks of the two of you dating. Keep it simple, no apologies, no huge back story. My future husband said it that way "so what do you think of us getting back together?" I stammered, I was overwhelmed for about thirty seconds, then I said simply "yes". I also expressed in one sentence or so that I was apprehensive because of our past - but it was one sentence and the rest is history. Simple and direct is best IMO.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Yeah, the problem with online dating is, there are lot's of undesirable people on dating sites.

    Iím a health care provider, so I meet lots of people everyday but dating patients isnít very ethical.
    - how about after they are no longer a patient?


    As an aside, I have a platonic friend who is pretty similar to the women I had long term relationships with except she is very social. When we first met, through a social sport league, I never thought we could be friends since she is so uptight. However, she has become a really great friend. She is also very attractive. I found myself wanting to make a move on her last night. I really value our friendship and donít want to sacrifice that, but Iím curious about it. We both have had our share of struggles with dating. I canít help but wonder at times if sheís the one I should be dating and sheís been right under my nose the whole time. Iím afraid to open that can of worms even though in many respects she could be an amazing partner.
    - If you want to find out if she likes you romantically, you have to kiss her.

    But more than likely she thinks of you as a friend and you are in the friend's zone. Besides, if she really liked you chances are she would have made a move herself by now.

    I say keep her as a friend - you can only have one lover (supposed to), but you can't have too many friends!

    And always remember, it's better to be single than to be in a relationship with a Debbie Downer!

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