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Thread: Insecurity / jealousy issues

  1. #1

    Insecurity / jealousy issues

    I am in a healthy and committed relationship with my boyfriend of over a year and i have no doubts if his loyalty. However, I am experiencing extremely intense painful emotions when I see other attractive girls he sees such as in movies, social media, music videos, in real life etc. When I see a girl he could potentially see as well I get a sinking feeling in my chest and feel like crying. When we watch movies together and a hot girl comes up naked / in sexy clothes for example I start to panic, sweat, my heart beats fast and I want to cry. When I watch movies etc alone and see girls, I cannot help think “imagine if he saw them” and hurt my own feelings. I believe this is toxic and not normal and am unsure on what to do about this to increase my self esteem and get over these issues.
    Last edited by anonymous147; 01-25-2020 at 07:56 AM. Reason: adding

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. It would be best to go to a doctor MD for a complete evaluation and a therapist for ongoing supportive therapy. make sure you are in a happy relationship with an honest guy. Is he rude or disrespectful, ogling or making comments? Do you go out on interesting dates or just laze around doing Netflix and chill?

    Where you cheated on in the past? How long have you been obsessed with looks?

    Also make sure you have inner confidence. Focus on school/career. Take some classes and courses that interest you or further your career. Join some clubs and groups. Volunteer. Get on a self improvement program inside and out. Get in shape and on a health fitness and nutrition plan. Get new clothes, makeup hair etc.

    Get away from the screens. Stop watching mindless reality shows and get off social media. These are sedentary activities and do nothing for your health emotionally or physically. Get the focus off superficial looks.
    Originally Posted by anonymous147
    I believe this is toxic and not normal and am unsure on what to do about this to increase my self esteem and get over these issues.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Ontario Canada
    You should seek therapy to get to the root of your insecurity. It is not normal and it certainly is not healthy.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I too will advise you to see a doctor. What you are describing sounds like an anxiety/panic attack, and more than likely has deeper roots than surface-level insecurity.

    Having said that, that sort of insecurity does need to be addressed as well. A trained professional can probably hep you untangle that and find some effective coping mechanisms.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    There is nothing else to say, You need therapy to overcome this and perhaps the appropriate medication to help with your generalized anxiety condition.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    You need to build your self confidence. You can't control what others or you see because media is everywhere. What you need to do is work on yourself. Take care of your health, workout, eat right, lose weight if you have to, be well groomed, improve yourself not for him but for yourself. You can own the room from high self esteem. There is truth to the 'sound body, sound mind' connection. You can own the room from within.

    I was once you long ago and then I began to concentrate on myself. Nowadays, whenever I'm in public or at home, I know I've taken care of myself. Concentrate on yourself and not others and then you will feel secure. There is nothing more attractive than self confidence and security.

  8. #7
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Do you ever find other men attractive in movies or on the street? I know I do, but I’d never leave my fiancé for any of them. It’s completely normal to appreciate someone else’s attractiveness without it competing with the feelings you have for your partner. There will always be more attractive women walking around, but if he treats you well and you feel secure, it’s really nothing to worry about. Does he compliment you? Do you feel attractive to him? I’d suggest some therapy to build up your self esteem, so you can start seeing your worth.

  9. #8
    Member gohawks292's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Your not alone. I had the same problem and I’m in therapy.
    You have to be ok alone and be confident in who you are...not your looks.
    And leave him alone for a while and seek healing. You will only push him away if you continue and you know that which is why your not happy with what your mind in telling you.
    Never be negative about yourself in front of men or the guy you like/love.
    Hang in there!!!
    You got this!

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