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Thread: He deleted me from his social media accounts

  1. #1

    He deleted me from his social media accounts

    Hello everyone, So before I jump into my question. I need to explain 'briefly' my situation. It will be long shot so thank you in advance for reading till the end and for commenting if u ll ever do.. So I am an expat living in a foreign country alone with my dog and my cat since more than 4 years. One day, a guy started to follow me on my instagram account ( my profile is public) , I didn't follow him back as I don't know him. After one week, my grand-ma passed away,and he wrote me that he is sorry for my loss.. I replied back and we started talking since then. He asked me to meet afterwards and I accepted. We met and everything between us was nice. We enjoyed our time..

    We spoke about many topics which one of them was being engaged in a relationship... I only said that it is still early for us to be in a relationship.. we just met.. he said that he agrees but he wanted me to know initially his intentions from the beginning.. That night, when he dropped me back home, he wanted to kiss me but I stopped him. We continued talking to each others day and night and then he proposed a second meeting and as I liked him, I agreed to meet again. Our second meeting went also so well. We spoke openly and we had really quality time. He then started to talk about being engaged in a relationship together.. He mentioned that he is not looking for too fast serious relationship though, but at least he wanted us to try and see if we can fit in together. If yes, that s fine, if not, his life won t stop for me and my life won t stop for him neither..

    He also started talking about future common plans, like traveling together, taking me to the city where he was born in..Asking me to have some days off from the work to join him in a road trip. He also said that he waits impatiently to meet my pets and he even invited me to his home to watch a movie together with his sister.. I told him that I need really so much time before being engaged in such things.. I am difficult by nature and I have lived two different big love deceptions before and this made me so doubtful.. I told him that I have trust issues and I can not give my trust easily. My first relationship lasted 6 years, and after me and my ex boyfriend broke up, he got engaged with one of my friends..

    After 4 years, I met another guy whom I had faith in . He love bombed me and then ghosted me minutes after sending me a message to tell me that I am the love of his life ( like seriously !!)) My heart was broken for two times and the second time ( one year and half ago) was harder than the first, because you would question yourself and die to have a closure but you can not.. After the second deception, I decided to focus more on my career and professional life.. It was hard but I proudly say that I was stronger than my problems .. But of course,every hardship will take something out of you .. I moved on but I still have the scars.. I can not trust people easily even if I want to .. So I explained everything in details to this guy and he said that he understand me so well and he is ready to be patient .. but at the same time he accused me of being coward because I am afraid to be in pain again whereas he is not regardless of his past deceptions..

    I told him that It I lost my desires to start over with someone and he can not judge me while basing on his own story.. everyone has his own personality and experiences and we are different human beings afterwards and what applies to him should not necessary applies to me.. I told him it is hard for me to open for the third time but it does not mean that I am against it.. I just need time.. He held my hands that night and aid that he will not go away unless I push him for real and wanted eventually to kiss me again and I refused.. We continued talking as we used to and everything was fine until one day he texted me and said that he feels so down. I told him I am here if he wants to talk..He then started complaining about my behaviors towards him accusing me of being distant and not showing him my real emotions.. and he is all the time because of me and he does not even know if I like him or not and he is not sure until when he can bear my indifference towards him.

    He wanted us to be together , he wants to hold my hands, he wants me to sleep on his chest and he is not looking for sexual relationships.. he just wants real connection but I am not showing him any interest.. He is the first one always texting me or asking me to meet and making plans and if he does not do this, I donít react or do anything in return.. He said that he would run a mile for me but he is expecting me to make a step while he s running a marathon for me . .He said he can wait but I need to motivate him to do so.. As he knows he is so worthy and he knows what he can bring to the table and he is now lowering his standards for me and if this will continue, then ending would be so bad..He finally said that I am being emotional unavailable for him and he can not accept this. I answered back and told him that I was honest with him since the first time and I explained to him what I have been through and because of my trust issues , I need so much time to be sure about him and to take the decision to be together..

    I told him it s not because I am not seeing his worth pr I am emotionally unavailable as he thought .. It is just a matter of time. I told him that I like him and his personality and I am enjoying his company and the time spent with him.. but if he wants me, he has to be patient with me.. I need to observe him more before being engaged because I don t wanna waste my time and that is why it is hard for me to open up easily.. I told him that such behavior makes me feel pressure which is not good for both of us.After all, it s been only two months since we started talking and we met only twice. I am ok with meeting u again and spending more time with u to get to know u better but the decision part can not be taken from now..I told him that I wanna go with the flow. I am not holding myself back as he thinks but we will only get the answers that we both need with time.. I also told him that not to be arrogant, but I am trying my best and I am giving us a chance by spending time with him, talking to him and sharing many things with him.

    It is true that until then,I never started the conversation with him.. but it is not out of ego.. I just donít wanna give everything easily.. I m just taking my time . I told him that I am receiving many messages from guys everyday and I never replied or even met anyone since one year and half but I accepted to meet him so I chose him among many.. So even though I explained to him, there was still misunderstanding between us and he continued to complain about my behaviors towards him and asked me Ďdo u wanna be with me ? it s a yes or no questioní I told him to WAIT and I donít like these situations.. and at the end I felt so misunderstood and I told him that I understand him very well.. Everyone wants to give and receive in a relationship and I can not be selfish and tell you to be patient if you donít want to.. but at the same time I can not change my behavior to satisfy someoneís needs..

    I behave according to my principles and values in life .. so this is me and where I am coming from. And by such behavior you are making me think that relationships are matter of quantity and not quality for you which is not the case for me. So it is what it is, You can take it or leave it..So he replied ĎOk I hope you find the courage againí.. We stopped talking that night and the next day, it was the NYE so he texted me after midnight wishing me a happy new year.. I replied him back and thanked him and wished him the same as well.. and after one week, he deleted me from his social media account.. I was surprised by seeing such reaction from him.. It was unexpected. .I didnít understand really the reasons behind it though I am aware that it was an indirect message to tell me Ď I am cutting you off and I donít want you anymoreí. I didnít react at all actually, but after some time, I wanted to text him and ask him to meet to talk face to face as I know what happened between us was only a misunderstanding.. But then I change my mind so quickly.

    When my ex boyfriend ghosted me, I tried to contact him for many months and it was in vain until one day I was somehow insulted by him and it hurt me so much.. I donít wanna take the risk to live such situation again and cause myself more pain.. I am also pretty sure that he was conscious and aware when he deleted me so it was his decision so there is no point of insisting.. Sometimes, I feel guilty and I think that I might was too much Ďdifficultí with him but other times I assume that deleting me was a kind of mind game and a very egotistical thing to do and maybe he wanted me to provoke me to make a reaction just to give pleasure to his ego.. so Didnít do anything..At the same time, thinking about the situation again and again made me have very unpleasant feelings..So when we have emotions involved in a situation, it is somehow hard to remain objective that s why I am sharing it here. What do you think about this story ? any advice?  Thank you in advance
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 01-24-2020 at 09:02 PM. Reason: Edited/Paragraphs

  2. #2
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    You need to break that up into reader-friendly paragraphs, OP.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    He probably found someone else to love bomb. Someone with fewer boundaries who will let him do all the things he wants without bothering to get to know him first.

    You only saw him twice. No big loss. Plenty of other men out there.

  4. #4
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    Well the advice is forget about that guy! Honestly he sounds weird! I understand in some cultures people marry quickly (I don't know his or your culture), but to keep talking about engagement after meeting only twice is not normal in my opinion! He didn't even know you! And the fact that he was so pushy is a huge red flag! A normal person would want to take things slow. He deleted you just because you didn't want to get engaged after meeting twice! Weirdo! I think you need to be really careful about meeting on the Internet. Especially on Instagram and Facebook. On dating web sites it might be fine, but when people start hitting on someone from their Instagram account it seems kind of desperate. Just my opinion...

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  6. #5
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    Where are the paragraphs!?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by freespirit15
    After 4 years, I met another guy whom I had faith in . He love bombed me and then ghosted me minutes after sending me a message to tell me that I am the love of his life ( like seriously !!))
    I couldn't read the whole thread, but I get the jest.
    Having had someone come on so strong just to ghost you previously, why is it you haven't learned your lesson from these types? And what is it about you that attracts them?

    Here you have someone else future talking you and pressing for engagement two dates in and instead of seeing him for who he is, you keep trying to convince him to adjust his pace to yours.

    People who try to rush you into relationships often have something intrinsically wrong with them. They won't risk letting you take your time to get to know them, because if you did, you'd probably cross the street. That's why they rush you.

    The lesson here, early on is to not try to get some guy to adjust their timing to what makes you comfortable. They either respect it or they don't. Try not to get them do anything other than show you who they are. Your job is to observe.

    This is the opportunity for you to observe him and decide whether or based on his actions, if he's an appropriate partner for you.

    Instead he did everything a nut job would do to coerce you into doing something you clearly stated over and over you weren't comfortable with.

    Instead of noticing the red flags you tried to talk him into being somewhat normal and when that didn't work he lost his cool with you and tried to make you feel like there was something wrong with you instead. Can you say projection much??

    You respectfully asked him to take his time and he lost his cool. Don't you wonder why that is? Because he basically doesn't even know you. This wouldn't frustrate normal adjusted people because they themselves understand the value of taking your time, getting to know someone and allowing things to unfold organically.

    You are a magnet for these guys and you need to figure out why or you'll find yourself in this situation again.

    And as far as deleting you on social media? He's a fragile man, who cares why he did it. He probably did it to get a rise out of you and it worked. <shrug>
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-24-2020 at 07:06 PM.

  8. #7
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    All of this, and only after two whole days. Wow!

    Wanting an insta relationship and talking a future when you barely know one another are HUGE red flags. You should have run; especially, after love bombing guy.

    I think that you do not know how to weed out the weirdos and bad guys. This dude would have been gone after he got in your pants.

    You need to be smarter and ditch these types. it is not normal for anyone to move so quickly.

    Lastly, you need to address your trust issues.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try to get more involved in your local environment. Make some friends, take some language courses. It sound like you never got over your last bf.
    Originally Posted by freespirit15
    I am an expat living in a foreign country alone with my dog and my cat since more than 4 years.
    When my ex boyfriend ghosted me, I tried to contact him for many months and it was in vain until one day I was somehow insulted by him and it hurt me so much.

  10. #9
    Hey Wiseman2 ,

    Thank you for your reply :) . This is not the case actually. I have a very active life. I am a dancer so I go regularly to dance classes and festivals and I am also doing a career that I love. It is not matter of not getting over my ex boyfriend, because I did but as I wrote above, the 'scars' are always here.. That does not mean I am thinking about him or our past story, I just look at the 'scars' as a reminder for me to not make the same mistakes of the past :)

  11. #10
    Hey Wiseman2 ,

    Thank you for your reply :) . This is not the case actually. I have a very active life. I am a dancer so I go regularly to dance classes and festivals and I am also doing a career that I love. It is not matter of not getting over my ex boyfriend, because I did but as I wrote above, the 'scars' are always here.. That does not mean I am thinking about him or our past story, I just look at the 'scars' as a reminder for me to not make the same mistakes of the past :)

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