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Thread: My boyfriend is a slob and I'm sick of it.

  1. #31
    Bronze Member kalikat's Avatar
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    Here's a Solution for you: my dad taught me this when I was a kid.
    Don't just shove his stuff into the corner - THROW IT AWAY! Anything you trip on or step over or whatever it may be. Gather them into a big black trash bag, and at the end of each day - take the trash out.
    He probably won't even realize at first that his stuff is missing (will think you're still cleaning up). But when he can't find his shoes, or any underwear, or he has run out of clean shirts...he'll ask if you know where they are. That's when you tell him (out in the trash). If the garbage truck has already passed by - oh well! might teach him a lesson. Otherwise he will be digging thru the trash daily looking for his stuff

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Grahor
    'Cause she ain't a gift from gods either, and finding someone else who would be better would be a lot of work, and there is no guarantee that the new one would be better (being a slob is not something terribly unusual in otherwise decent guys), and so she seeks a magic recipe to add polish to what she has, not starting all that very-very hard "relationships" work from scratch.

    Also, they don't talk with each other for fear of "complications", meaning she won't talk with her next guy too, meaning it would be a train wreck of a relationship too.

    Some people are just made for bad relationships. Plenty of people, actually. Nothing can be done about it, that's how life goes. Unless she'll decide to do something about it, which she won't.
    Ouch. That's pretty cold.

  3. 01-24-2020, 07:52 PM

  4. #33
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    Originally Posted by Grahor
    When something happens for a first time, I'm offering an advice. When advice gets ignored and same thing happens again and again, I pour myself a cold beer and enjoy the sight of a person hitting her head on the wall through nobody's fault but her own, and find it satisfying and richly deserved. You were offered an advice? By many people? For months and months? Then I'm going to enjoy watching you continuing to do what you do best (making a train wreck, that is) while accompanying it with a witty (or cold, mean and stupid and totally not at all witty, everyone decides for herself) commentary. Actually, what exactly of what I've said is wrong?

    Seriously, what did you expect? People tearing up over your sad, sad story of a slob of a boyfriend, whom you could leave at any time you fancy?

    Do you even realize how hard most people in the world have it? How many opportunities you have, in you life, in your society, all around you, you could use at any moment to change your life in any direction you want, compared to the wast majority of females in the world? What a hugely redundant support network you have, allowing you to bravely move your life in any direction imaginable, and no error or miscalculation would turn deadly for you, or devastate your life, or cause anything but mild inconvenience? But noooo, let's not do anything, let's sit and have, just think about it, _suicide thoughts_!

    Yeah, and it's me who's cold. Huh!
    No need to rip me a new one about it. Your bedside manner could be better.... but I understand what you're saying.

    A lot has changed in the 4 years since I previously posted, but many things have not. I guess I didn't realize how the same they really were.

  5. #34
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    clutter is one thing if he's ADD or sentimental about keeping knickknacks -- urinating on the floor in the bathroom and leaving dirty underwear everywhere is another. And disrespect is beyond the pale - but you buy in by cleaning up after him and his friends. you are not mommy to a 9 month old baby who craps his pants and leaves spit everywhere and needs to be cleaned up after, so quit acting like one with a grown man.

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  7. #35
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    Why do you stay and why haven't you gotten a job?

  8. #36
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'll go against the grain here, whether a woman (or man) is employed or not does not give a man (or woman) the right to expect their girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, partner or roommate to clean up after a pig (slob). Wet towels on the bed, tripping over randomly discarded trail of shoes, leaving underwear on the floor and urine splattered all over the bathroom floor is gross, dirty, unacceptable and intolerable. Your boyfriend is so unsanitary and mentally sick! To expect you to be a maid or slave is asinine.

    You feel hopeless? HE IS HOPELESS. He will NOT change for you. Get that straight. Move back in with your parents, put your stuff in storage and start over again with building your savings. You have to start somewhere in order to improve your life, reduce your stress and live a clean, normal life WITHOUT HIM. Ditch the loser.

  9. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do not destroy or otherwise vandalize other people's property. It's illegal and two wrongs don't make a right. Being vindictive, destructive and escalating this way is not a solution. Just move out,
    Originally Posted by kalikat
    Here's a Solution for you: my dad taught me this when I was a kid.
    Don't just shove his stuff into the corner - THROW IT AWAY! Anything you trip on or step over or whatever it may be. Gather them into a big black trash bag, and at the end of each day - take the trash out.
    That's when you tell him (out in the trash). If the garbage truck has already passed by - oh well! might teach him a lesson. Otherwise he will be digging thru the trash daily looking for his stuff

  10. #38
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I'll go against the grain here, whether a woman (or man) is employed or not does not give a man (or woman) the right to expect their girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, partner or roommate to clean up after a pig (slob). Wet towels on the bed, tripping over randomly discarded trail of shoes, leaving underwear on the floor and urine splattered all over the bathroom floor is gross, dirty, unacceptable and intolerable. Your boyfriend is so unsanitary and mentally sick! To expect you to be a maid or slave is asinine.

    You feel hopeless? HE IS HOPELESS. He will NOT change for you. Get that straight. Move back in with your parents, put your stuff in storage and start over again with building your savings. You have to start somewhere in order to improve your life, reduce your stress and live a clean, normal life WITHOUT HIM. Ditch the loser.
    Yes I agree that there's a limit to "cleaning" even if the woman is a "housewife" -the other person should be reasonably sanitary/hygienic (heck I clean before the maid comes!). Not slob. As long as there is a system -meaning the sink has room for the dirty dishes, there is a laundry pile, there is a place to hang a towel - basic stuff.

  11. #39
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do not destroy or otherwise vandalize other people's property. It's illegal and two wrongs don't make a right. Being vindictive, destructive and escalating this way is not a solution. Just move out,
    or a kid, it might be effective if they leave their video games everywhere to first give them a bin for them and if they repeatedly don't put them in the bin after they are done and people are tripping over them, they are taken away for a period of time but you cannot do that to an adult

  12. #40
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do not destroy or otherwise vandalize other people's property. It's illegal and two wrongs don't make a right. Being vindictive, destructive and escalating this way is not a solution.
    I agree with this. It's also not wise to corner someone before they go to work with something that they can do zero about at that moment. It doesn't buy you anything, it just ruins your ability to negotiate more productively later on.

    Negotiation is the fine art of showing someone why it's in their best interest to give you what you want. It's a trade of something of value to them in exchange for something of value to you. So study up on how successful couples negotiate and make trades for they want from one another. They don't do it with vague futuristic expectations that set them up to resent one another, they do it over specifics--each exchange offers a trade of fair value.

    If the guy is too dense to figure out that this would work in his favor as well as yours, then question what the relationship offers you. Decide whether wasting time that you can never get back is worth that trade off.

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