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Thread: He cheated while I was pregnant

  1. #1

    He cheated while I was pregnant

    Hello. I am 18 and I just had a baby in September. My boyfriend and I were very shocked but I told him multiple times after finding out about our daughter that he didnít have to stay and i would not file for child support but he still stayed. About 5 months pregnant and he cheated on me. Now I didnít find out until a couple weeks before giving birth, and I didnít even find out from him I found out from a friend who kept it from me as well. I had no time for myself to deal with this emotionally or mentally so I pushed it deep down and tried to forget about it, even though that never worked. Now that our daughter is 4 months old I finally have more time for myself and I want to heal. Me and him are still together. We talked about a lot after I found out about him cheating, I found out more that he would think of having sex with other girls, and that he just wasnít as emotionally committed as I thought he was. Itís like I was running the relationship all by myself. But now that things are better and weíre more ďhonestĒ I just canít seem to trust his word. I need help. What do you think of the situation please give me advice how do I heal from this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you living at home with parents? Do you have emotional and financial support from your parents? Did he want the child, was this planned? Focus on being a mother and getting to school so you can become more independent. Your bf is too young to be a father but he will be financially responsible for the child until she is 18/21. That is not your decision, it's the law. Do not use your child's rightful resources as bait to keep a man. He is not trustworthy and weather you stay together or not your focus must be your child, your future and getting and providing a good life for your child including financial support.
    Originally Posted by Lovedaughter
    .
    I am 18 and I just had a baby in September.
    I told him multiple times after finding out about our daughter that he didnít have to stay and i would not file for child support but he still stayed.
    We talked about a lot after I found out about him cheating
    I just canít seem to trust his word.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well, you have trust issues because he cheated. It's understandable. Counselors are skilled in this area.

  4. 01-24-2020, 01:42 PM

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    I think I'd rather be a single mother than stay with a guy that can't be loyal towards me. Someone else had to tell u. He'll do it again.

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  7. #5
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    My only advice: he's 18 and it shows.
    And since heís a dad, he can start acting like an adult early by paying child support. If heís that capable of cheating, then heís capable of running. Time to file that paperwork now.

  8. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I told my son that if he impregnated a girl while still in his teens I would force him to get a job and support his child.

    Why on earth did you tell him he didn't have to pay child support? Are you trying to "keep" him so you're afraid to make him mad or something?

  9. #7
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Focus on being a mother and getting to school so you can become more independent. Your bf is too young to be a father but he will be financially responsible for the child until she is 18/21. That is not your decision, it's the law. Do not use your child's rightful resources as bait to keep a man. He is not trustworthy and weather you stay together or not your focus must be your child, your future and getting and providing a good life for your child including financial support.
    Agreed. Whatever your ages, it's adulting time. You both have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

    Your boyfriend could have left you at any time, but instead he chose to cheat. There's a saying that goes, "Don't sh*t where you eat." I think it's common sense, but apparently your boyfriend doesn't think so. Do you want a pigpen for a relationship? If not, get out of this now and focus on yourself and your baby.

    Your child has a right to receive full financial support. Don't sacrifice child support to ingratiate yourself with your child's father, or with society in general. This is about your child now, not your image.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    hi.... what a whirlwind this must be for you. Congratulations on your baby girl. Its probably not what you imagined for yourself at 18. and that's a lot to deal with and go through, while still trying to figure stuff out.

    Well, if I were a new, young, mom and the relationshio with the father was not working... I would try to get the priorities straight. Since its not just you anymore, you want to make sure you're 1, making sure immediate needs are met while 2, working toward long term security and success for you both.

    1. accept any help offered by the bf and his family. This is not the time to be a hero or selfless. You need to be the number one champion for your daughter. A child needs both parents and families- financially and emotionally.

    2.what are you doing to get a career or go to school or whatever it is you think your future should be? Are you thinking about that stuff?

    3. As far as your bf goes.... he's young, just like you..... you two might need to accept that romantically, it is not meant to be right now, but you do need to co-parent.

    He's not doing you a favor. Its his responsibility as the father. Maybe in time, you will decide to come back together as a couple. But you guys are connected now for life. You share a child. Everyone says until the child is 18, but we all know unless he is a deadbeat, youre both parents for life. And you will have many decisions and obstacles over the years to agree on how to handle for the benefit of your child.

    unfortunately being teenagers, its rough- dating and the social aspects, all the drama, but you somehow have to rise above it. I hope both your families are supportive.

    I would let the boyfriend go and just be co-parents together.... see what happens in time.

    Lastly, make sure you are on birth control. After you've had a baby, especially at a young age, its easy to get pregnant again. The biology of the body, its in baby making mode. Your eggs are young and strong. You're probably saying, i just had a baby! your body is saying lets do that again!

  11. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You may have told him he doesnt have to pay child support but the courts would see that totally differently. Of course he has to pay, until the child is 18.

    The male brain doesnt fully mature until age 25, so he's got a long ways to go and that is part of the reason he's the immature person he is.

  12. #10
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    Why would you tell him not to support his kid? Your child needs it! Who is supporting the child?

    Have you been tested for STDs? This guy is a cheater and a liar, as you know. Lose the lowlife, and get some child support.

    Start wearing condoms!

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