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Thread: he cheated, do i stay or go?

  1. #1

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    he cheated, do i stay or go?

    My boyfriend of over 2 years, that I've never had a problem with, we don't argue, spend most of our spare time together, came to my house tonight crying, saying he had messed up big time. I was so confused, I was like at work? Did you lose your job? And he says no, I was told today I've got a baby. I'm like a what?? YOU CHEATED ON ME? And he shakes his head yes. So the baby was born in December, and when he first found out the girl was pregnant she told him she didn't think it was his. Today she sends him a photo of dna testing that proved it wasn't the other guys baby. So my boyfriend has told her he doesn't want another kid, and she tells him she'll just tell people the father didn't want in the baby life. So he said he was left with a decision, don't tell me and then I find out later down the road and it makes things worse, or tell me now and face the consequences. I have told him if he ever cheated on me I was done. So he has been acting strange for months, I thought it was his combat ptsd, but he says its because he was miserable with what he had done. But I have to wonder if the baby hadn't came up would he have ever told me? And this wasn't a one time fling, they hooked up several times he said. He has to have been lying about working over to see her, because the rest of the time we were always together. I love him, I love his daughter, his family, but what am I supposed to do? My heart is crushed and I am torn. I can't imagine a life without them in it, but i cant imagine a life with a cheater, either.

  2. #2
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    You get rid of him before the sun sets today.

    This guy is horrible and doesn't love you.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member kalikat's Avatar
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    Yeah - I get it. He cheated and that totally sucks. BUT - just because this girl shows him a report saying that some other guy isn't the dad - doesn't necessarily mean that he is. SHe might have been with more than just 2 guys. My thought is to deal with one issue at a time. Have him do a dna test to see if he is a match or not. Once you have that answer, move on to the next part.

  4. #4
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    Whether he's the baby's father or not he's admitted to cheating and not just on one occasion. If he didn't want a second child he should have worn a condom and the fact he didn't shows he didn't care whether you caught something off him either. You'll never trust him again.

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  6. #5
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    You told him that you would leave him if he cheated again. HUH!?

    My dear, this POS had a child with another woman. How much does he have to disrespect you for you to leave? Where is your self worth? He does not give a sh*t about you.

    I would bet money that she is not the only one. Get tested. Immediately!

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by kalikat
    Yeah - I get it. He cheated and that totally sucks. BUT - just because this girl shows him a report saying that some other guy isn't the dad - doesn't necessarily mean that he is. SHe might have been with more than just 2 guys. My thought is to deal with one issue at a time. Have him do a dna test to see if he is a match or not. Once you have that answer, move on to the next part.
    What about the fact that he cheated on her and also could have exposed her to STDs? Would you stay with someone like this?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You're supposed to discard him like yesterday's trash.

    Let him concentrate on being a father while you move on without him in your life! Good riddance!

  9. #8
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    He may or may not be the father. But thatís irrelevant at this point.

    He had unprotected sex with another and didnít disclose that to you.
    Are you having protected sex with him to prevent him from having a child that he doesnít want?
    And are you having protected sex with him to prevent you from having an sti that you donít want?

    This girl was unsure who the father was , so she was clearly having unprotected sex, with ? Several.
    Your bf was also having unprotected sex with others apart from you , so the first thing you need to do is get a full sti check.

    Whatís the time lines?
    When did you start seeing him? How old is the child?

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    He may or may not be the father. But thatís irrelevant at this point.

    He had unprotected sex with another and didnít disclose that to you.
    Are you having protected sex with him to prevent him from having a child that he doesnít want?
    And are you having protected sex with him to prevent you from having an sti that you donít want?

    This girl was unsure who the father was , so she was clearly having unprotected sex, with ? Several.
    Your bf was also having unprotected sex with others apart from you , so the first thing you need to do is get a full sti check.

    Whatís the time lines?
    When did you start seeing him? How old is the child?
    ive been with him for 2 years and 4 months, the baby is 5 weeks old. He says this is the only time hes cheated but hes probably lying.

  11. #10
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    So to summarise:

    1. He cheated on you multiples times with one woman. If he had felt guilty about it, he could have stopped after one time but he was enjoying his double life so much that he did it again several times.

    2. He lied to you about it for at least 9 months (from the time he came inside of her to the birth of the child). During that time , he could have told you the truth but chose not to. And yes, you're right to think you would have never known the truth if there wasn't a kid.

    3. He chose to put your health at risk by not using protection. Several time. He didn't tell you: honey have an std test because I cheated on you. He didn't care about your health (or his) for at least 9 months. It was his choice to put his health at risk but not yours. He ripped you from the ability to make an informed decision about your well being.

    4.he is very iresponsible: he think there is a high probability that the child is his but instead of having a DNA test and if positive, face his responsibilities and prepare himself for child custody and support, he says " but I don't want a kid ! " . So he' s already thinking of abandonning his own flesh and blood.

    So he is a lyer, a cheater and a coward. All the desicion he takes are for his benefit only. Very selfish attitude.

    I'm sure he' s not a monster, he must have some good qualities like everyone but you have to be aware of his.flaws. those are terrible flaws. make an informed decision.

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