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Thread: Am I really just overly jealous?

  1. #1
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    Am I really just overly jealous?

    Naturally, I was never really a person who would get jealous in general but recently being in a longer relationship it started to come out of me - not mild but very bad. Everytime I see a girl passing by especially wearing a bit revealing clothes, I look at my boyfriend to see if he will look at her, and usually he does. It hurts me deep even though that glance lasts for a second. When I tell him to stop doing it he tells me he doesn't and that I'm imagining but I'm pretty sure I have 2 healthy eyes. Now, I know I sound insane and I feel that it's very unhealthy for me to behave like this but I just don't know how to stop it/deal with it. It's getting out of hand and I don't even know why I started feeling this way out of nowhere. It literally makes me insane and I keep having nightmares.

    I have to mention, everything else in our relationship is great. This guy moved to my country just to be with me. However, I cannot accept this - it plants insecurity in me and it makes me lose trust in him.

    I wish I could change my ways if I'm wrong here.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You just posted this yesterday:
    [Register to see the link]

    You seem more unhappy than happy in this relationship. Why stay with him if you're this miserable?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    In both posts, your insecurity is the major issue and that is something you need to resolve to be able to have a healthy relationship.

    Telling your boyfriend to never look at another woman again as it sets off your insecurities is not going to help. Next you'll not be able to go into Starbucks because there is a girl behind the counter.

    Men are also visual creatures and for most of us we are wired to look at women. If he is openly gaping at the women, or trying to get their attention while you are with him, then discussing how you feel about his actions with him is a thing. But glances? I would have to walk around with a box on my head to stop glancing at women, they are literally everywhere.

    If you are not secure in yourself, then you should not be in a relationship. It is not someone elses job to make you feel secure about yourself, just like it's not someone elses juob to make you happy.

    The ironic thing, is this insecurity issue will push him away, and then your self fulfilling prophecy of him going back to his own country will become a reality.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If this guy is disrespectful to you, you need to end things. Did he move to your country for work or school?

    Is this the same guy as your post last year: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Merissa
    Everytime I see a girl passing by especially wearing a bit revealing clothes, I look at my boyfriend to see if he will look at her, and usually he does. This guy moved to my country just to be with me.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Yep, it is 2020. LOL

    So it seems either this is a different guy or things have not improved.

    Are you truly happy in this relationship?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Sadly, you are not wrong. It's a turn off to the vast majority of women.

    Here we go again. It seems like every week we get a new post talking about guys looking at girls.

    Guys look at other women. It's a turnoff. You can talk about it, go to counseling.....and after all that is exhausted, I guess you can pull out the big guns and threaten to leave him or cut off sex - when he asks, "What's wrong?" - only then, when reality hits him in the face, will he be ready to listen to you and change.

    If the guy were here, I'd tell him to just stop it, and buy mirrored sunglasses. Relationships take work, sacrifices. But he's not here.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Everytime I see a girl passing by especially wearing a bit revealing clothes, I look at my boyfriend to see if he will look at her,
    Then I suggest you get working on yourself to figure out why this need to punish YOURSELF???

    Most people would stop checking to see if he's looking if it hurt them so badly. Why aren't you in that "most people" group? What do you get out of feeling so insecure, so poorly about yourself that you keep punishing you? Therapy will help you to figure that out.

    but I'm pretty sure I have 2 healthy eyes
    Perhaps but the signal those healthy eyes are sending to your psyche is quite unhealthy.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    leave him or cut off sex -.
    Why Gary. . why?
    Just curious. Don't mean to derail this woman's thread. But are you married?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Why Gary. . why?
    Just curious. Don't mean to derail this woman's thread. But are you married?
    This is his standard advice.

    I find it interesting he never advises male posters to leave for a while or cut off sex.

    Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.


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